


Only to Be With You

by LinksLipsSinkShips



Series: Suit and Jacket [2]
Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, College, Exploring and Defining Sexuality, First Love, Flashback, M/M, Road Trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinksLipsSinkShips/pseuds/LinksLipsSinkShips
Summary: When Rhett and Link took their first cross-country journey in Suit and Jacket, they never anticipated the ways in which it would change their lives. Now, they're struggling to figure out what it means to grow up, to grow together, and to be themselves in a world that isn't quite ready for who they are.This is the sequel to the fic Suit and Jacket, so if you haven't read it yet, you might read that first.





	1. Prologue/Going Back

_ Late May 1997 _

Rhett tried his best to stretch his legs in the cab of Link’s truck, lamenting the fact that the seat couldn’t be moved back any more than it already was. “This was a lot easier in the Dynasty,” he said, and Link shook his head. They’d only been on the road for ten hours, stopping to stretch their legs, refuel, and use the bathroom, and this wasn’t the first time Rhett had issued the complaint.

“Nothing I can do about it,” he grumbled, reaching into the box beside him for a handful of cereal. “This is the only vehicle we’ve got.” When Rhett left home, he hadn’t exactly given them a choice but to share Link’s truck through the school year. He had left on foot and the Dynasty belonged to his parents anyway. They’d been fine all year, but now was when Rhett decided to issue a whole slew of complaints.

“I’m not sayin’ there’s anything you can do about it. I’m not sayin’ I  _ want  _ you to do anything about it. I’m sayin’ that it hurts my legs and back to sit here this long.”

“What do you want me to do, Rhett? Stop  _ again? _ ” At this rate, they’d never get to Phoenix.

“Why not? Is there a reason you don’t want to stop? It’s not like we’re trying to get out of town fast, Link. We’ve got time. Let’s just enjoy this and relax. It isn’t a race,” Rhett said. Link knew that, obviously. They weren’t running away like the last time they’d taken this trip. But somehow, Link wanted them to get there quickly anyway, get back to the place that felt like home to them, the one they fell in love in. Regardless, he pulled into the next gas station he saw.

“Okay. Let’s stretch,” he said, getting out of the truck. Rhett walked around the side of it to where Link was standing, pulling him close and kissing him.

“Listen, I’m not trying to make you mad or make us stop all the time. I’m just sayin’ we can enjoy it this time. We can enjoy  _ us _ this time.” He kissed Link again and Link smiled a little bit. Everything was so different now. The years crawled at times and flew at others, making it so mind-blowing to him that nearly three years had passed since they’d last been in Phoenix. It was hard waiting to get back now that they were on the road. But he trusted Rhett, and he understood. Things were different now.

As they got back on the road, Rhett in the driver’s seat now, Link understood what Rhett meant. Even with most of their stuff in the bed of the truck, there wasn’t much room on the passenger side for his legs. They’d started fine, but pulled food to the front, a pillow and a blanket, the camera… everything was piling up and making it hard to get comfortable. It didn’t take long before Link was longing for the Dynasty again, too, even if he didn’t want the ties that came with it. “You ever think we were going to be coming back here?” Link looked at Rhett out of the corner of his eye.

“For a while there, I didn’t think we were ever going to  _ leave _ Phoenix, let alone need to come back to it,” Rhett confessed. “But yeah, once we left, I at least always hoped we’d get to go back.” He reached across and took Link’s hand.

“We’ve gotta leave it this time, though,” Link told him. “Already paid our room deposits, so we don’t have a choice.”

“Ah, screw the deposits,” Rhett said with a hearty laugh. “Let’s be professional maids forever and live in Mama Cheryl’s hotel until we’re old and grey.” Link knew he was joking about giving up on film school, but he shot Rhett a look anyway. “I’m kidding. I know you want more for both of us. We’re figuring it out.”

“You think it’s going to be different?” Link asked, wondering what changes had occurred since they’d last been there.

“We’re different, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Link admitted.

“Then it’ll probably be different. And that’ll probably be a good thing.”


	2. August 1996

_ August 1996 _

Link laid on his bare twin bed, mattress pressed against the wall that bordered Rhett’s room. How they’d been assigned to the same suite last minute, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he wasn’t about to question their good fortune. Aside from moving his bed to that wall, though, Link had done absolutely nothing to unpack or get ready for the semester that awaited him. Sure, he had his basic school supplies and books purchased, the essentials prepared, and he’d packed and moved up to UNC-Asheville with Rhett excitedly. But now that he was here, panic started to set into his bones.

This was it. They were on their own, starting a new life with only a concrete wall between them. What started as friendship transformed into sharing a bed, transformed into love only to leave them separated, a universe between them even though their physical distance only spanned their hometown. The summer was good to them, allowing them time together, but this? It was terrifying. Now they were occupying the same space again fully, sharing a bathroom but not a bedroom, and this time they didn’t have any of the guidance they’d had before.

Mama Cheryl wasn’t there to tell them this was okay. They were in North Carolina, not Phoenix, and even though Link’s mother understood, Link remembered everything that happened with Rhett’s family and the striking realization that not everyone was as accepting as his mother eventually came to be, or as Mama Cheryl and Riley were from the moment they knew. Instead, they had to figure out who they were under the scrutiny of classmates and roommates, find a balance to be together in this new world. That left Link wishing he could go back. Back to Phoenix, or heck, back to poker nights and sleepovers at Riley’s house where they could be themselves. But that was behind them now, and the moment Link started to unpack his bags, he’d have to accept that this was the world they lived in, a world where they had to start off new and figure out how the heck they were supposed to make this work.

“Dude, what the heck?” Rhett walked in, looking around incredulously. Link sat up a little bit, propping himself on his elbows and cocking his head quizzically. “You haven’t even started unpacking?” Rhett asked, looking around at the room, Link’s things still in his duffel bag and a couple of boxes.

“It’s a process, Rhett. It takes time to get it right,” Link said, sitting all the way up on his bed.

“Yeah, but a process usually has some progress. Your boxes are right where I left them,” Rhett protested, sinking down on Link’s bed and reaching for the promise ring on the chain around his neck, toying with it, sliding it on and off of his fingers and grazing Link’s chest as he did. It was the ring he’d given Link, the one he’d meant to symbolize forever with him. He pulled on Link’s ring necklace gently, tugging him into a soft kiss. “Come on, come look at my room.”

Link stood, following Rhett into the room beside his. Everything was unpacked and in place, and they’d only been there for an hour and a half. The gravity of that hit Link like a ton of bricks. It took Rhett no time at all to unpack because Rhett didn’t really  _ have _ anything to unpack. His was not the typical college dorm, not laced with tons of personality and personal items from back home. Rhett only had the bare minimum, a set of bedding Link’s mom had bought him for lack of him having any other option, a couple of notebooks and pens, and the camera and tapes he’d taken from his family when they’d first left North Carolina on their journey. Rhett didn’t even really have many clothes.

There was no concern that Rhett could live on it. They’d lived on less on their journey to Los Angeles. But something about it felt sad, like Rhett was missing out on part of the typical dorm experience, no rolled posters of his favorite musicians or trophies from high school accomplishments following him to college, no signs that he was reinventing himself even. There was just…nothing.

“It looks great, Rhett,” Link encouraged, taking Rhett’s hand.

“You want help unpacking?” Rhett asked him, squeezing Link’s hand in his.

“No,” Link sighed. The last thing he needed was for Rhett to see how different their experiences and belongings were, even if Rhett probably already knew. What Rhett needed was a distraction. “We could go get pizza, though. I’m hungry.”

“I’m not really hungry,” Rhett said, shooting down the idea. “Oh. Tim called and said he was stuck in traffic and won’t be here for a few hours,” he added. Tim was going to be his roommate, according to the name stickered next to Rhett’s door. Link had Gregg in his room, and after a few exchanged phone calls over the summer to figure out who was bringing what, Link had discerned that Gregg wouldn’t be showing up to school until the end of the weekend, his camp counselor job keeping him away for just a little bit longer than he’d anticipated.

“Looks like we have the place to ourselves, then?” Link asked, wondering what Rhett was implying by that information.

“Yeah,” Rhett nodded. “I was thinking maybe you could see how my new bedding feels? It’s really comfortable. More comfortable than your bare mattress.” Link couldn’t argue with that idea and flopped down on Rhett’s bed without another word between them. He twined his fingers with Rhett’s, kissing him and letting Rhett hold him. As soon as Tim and Gregg got there, they wouldn’t be able to do this, not this obviously. Rhett slid his hand up Link’s shirt and sucked Link’s lower lip into his mouth. There was a hint of desperation in this, of realization that the moment their roommates arrived, they had to act like just friends. They couldn’t be the couple they’d been in front of Riley, and to a lesser degree, Link’s mom, who minded the public displays of affection a lot more.

But Rhett wasn’t sure how to just be Link’s friend anymore. This was his normal, the normal where he could hold Link close and pull him into a kiss and sleep beside him, feeling Link’s breath. He didn’t get the opportunity to as often as he had in Phoenix or Los Angeles, but Riley’s poker nights had afforded him the opportunity enough for them to hold each other through the night. The thought of pretending they weren’t this, weren’t  _ more,  _ weren’t two people who had promised each other forever? It felt painful and impossible to bear. Instead, he pushed the thought out of his mind and focused on one thing: giving Link the best two hours he could before they had to stop this and change who they were to meet the expectations of the world they were in now.

So Rhett pushed against Link, parting Link’s legs with his knee, and used the top of his thigh to create friction that left Link gasping. They hadn’t gone far, not since their last night in Los Angeles, instead using mostly-clothed friction to do what they needed to as their lips found each other’s lips and necks, hands and ears. It was enough, though, enough to prove their devotion to each other, enough to keep them from cold showers and handling it themselves. Rhett gave Link what he needed, what they had time for, moving from using his thigh to straddling him and pressing down against him with his own need until they were both shattered on the bed.

Link didn’t want to move to clean up. He hadn’t even unpacked clean clothes to handle this yet. So instead, when he was certain they were both satisfied, he shifted to give Rhett room to lie down next to him and rested his head on Rhett’s chest, his clothing sticking to him in a way he could clearly deal with later. Right now, they were on borrowed time, an hour or so until Tim would get there and this would be  _ over _ as they knew it. So he did what he had to, ignoring the discomfort and pulling Rhett as tight to his body as he could, hooking a leg over him and kissing him, closing his eyes and breathing him in.

Later, they would face the reality of figuring out a new normal, a way to act like friends. In this moment, they’d live like it was their last one together, because in so many ways, it was. Link had the ring around his neck to remind him they had forever, that this was a small moment in an endless span of time, and he knew it would be arguably less painful than the stretches of time they didn’t see each other at all, forced apart by Rhett’s family and their lack of understanding for how love was always going to overcome the rules they had in place. This was  _ better, _ Link forced himself to remember. This was an improvement. This was best-case-scenario, because it wasn’t like they’d be able to get their film degree in Phoenix, not when they’d been dreaming of UNC-Asheville forever.

“I’m going to miss this,” Rhett mused aloud, putting words to the worries on Link’s heart. “I mean, I know we’re together, but since we won’t be able to  _ be _ together like this, you know?”

“I know,” Link agreed. “We’ll figure it out, though. We can go on dates. I’ll take you to the next town over or somethin’, where nobody knows us. Someplace where I can kiss you like I mean it and not freak out our roommates.” He made promises, bold ones in the hope that Rhett would know that this was just temporary. He was trying to talk him up, but he felt defeated. All of this was something they’d work within and between and around, though, for as long as they had to. Four years. Four years and then they could go back to Los Angeles and back to who they were and back to being together, openly, just like they had been the first time around. But right now, they were going to do what they had to, survive in North Carolina and buckle down. It was going to be okay.

Rhett stole a few more kisses while he had the chance, taking his time and pushing Link to stop worrying about what might happen in an hour, two hours, on Monday, and focus on this few minutes, the forever they had. “You’re still my forever, right? Just because we have to pretend like we’re…” Rhett trailed off. He didn’t want to use the word “normal,” not when he was so sure that they weren’t abnormal, when he’d fought and even given up everything out of the certainty they were normal: their love, their life, their desire, their connection. But Link knew what he meant and nodded.

“Forever. You know that,” Link insisted. He raised his wrist to his face and eyed his watch. “I bet your roommate is going to be here soon.” It was obvious what Link meant by that. It was time for them to switch off and stop being like this. It was time for them to stand up and face the reality of the next four years. Rhett pulled himself out of his bed, letting Link stand up. He pulled him close one more time, kissing him with everything he had before moving to remake the bed like they hadn’t just used it.

“Guess you better go change?” Rhett asked, looking down at his own jeans and the way he was overdue for peeling them off of himself. “I can come help you unpack in a few if you want me to.”

“I’d like that,” Link admitted. The last thing he wanted was to highlight the awkward disparity between them, but he also didn’t want to do this without Rhett. So he let Rhett join him, allowing him to open the boxes. It wasn’t as if Rhett didn’t know what Link had packed. He’d even helped Link make the final choices on what clothing and decorations to bring to make his dorm room look better. But for some reason, Link didn’t think about it until they got here and he realized Rhett had a bag and a package of bedding, but he had boxes and bags to deal with. He felt horrible for not thinking about it sooner, realizing how the sacrifices Rhett had made would affect him once he got to school. Rhett had worked his butt off all summer to even afford college in the first place. Link opened one of the boxes and pulled out a stack of rolled posters. “Here,” he handed Rhett one, a poster of some wrestlers they liked. “Why don’t you take some of these. I think I packed too many.”

“You don’t have to give me your posters, Link,” Rhett responded, putting his hands up like he was refusing them. “I’ll decorate later. It’s okay.”

“Really,” Link insisted. “I have more than I can fit on the walls here because I couldn’t narrow it down. Just take some.” He didn’t want Rhett to know why he was so insistent, but the indignant look on Rhett’s face said it all. Rhett knew why Link was dead-set on him taking posters, and he wasn’t having it.

“Link, listen to me,” Rhett said, looping his finger through the ring on Link’s neck again, “I don’t need any of your dang posters. Coming here was a  _ choice. _ I could’ve done something else but I wanted to come here and I wanted to do this, and I wanted to do it with you, screw what my parents think of me, and yeah, that means sacrifices and stuff. But does it look like I care about a stupid poster? I care about us. I care about being here and not about that. So will you please shut up and stop trying to take care of me and just let me hang up your stuff for you like a good boyfr–”

“Hey, y’all must be Rhett and Link,” a voice said, knocking on the door. Rhett wondered how long he’d been listening and how much he’d heard. “I’m Tim.” A guy, half a foot shorter than Link, stepped inside the room. “Uh, I have to admit, I’m not really sure which one of you’s Rhett, but anyway, I’m your roommate.” Rhett turned a shade of crimson that he didn’t think would be on any color wheel, but Tim didn’t seem to notice in the slightest as Rhett stepped toward him and extended his hand.

“I’m Rhett. This is Link. I was just helping him get settled. He’s kind of a slow unpacker,” Rhett said, speaking for Link, babbling in hopes that if Tim heard anything damning, he would forget it quickly.

“Yeah, I, uh, I way overpacked on posters because I wasn’t sure how many I could fit on the walls, so I’ve kind of been standing here staring at the walls for a while,” Link shrugged. “You have a good trip in?”

“It was alright,” Tim said, glancing between them. “Anyway, I’ll leave y’all to the posters. I’ve got some stuff to unload myself. I just wanted to say ‘hey.’ Oh, and it’s comin’ up on dinner time. When we get unpacked, do y’all want to split some pizzas or something so we can meet the delivery minimum?”

“Sure,” Rhett said. “I could go for some pizza later.” He ignored Link’s quick glare at the easy way he accepted the suggestion when Tim made it after rejecting Link’s offer for pizza, and when Tim left the room, he gave Rhett a sharp elbow in the ribs. “Ow! What the heck?”

“Oh, sure, your roommate asks if you want pizza and you’re all over it but when I ask you, you’re not interested,” Link said, rolling his posters back up.

“I had more important things to do than eat pizza before Tim got here. Anyway, now we have to get to know him, and food seems like a good way to do it. As good a way as any, I guess,” Rhett said, shrugging his shoulders and opening a box that had Link’s clothes in it. He lifted the folded clothes out by the stacks and slid them into the drawers just like he knew Link would like them.

They had an ease around each other that made the rest of unpacking happen quickly, silence settling over them as Link accepted the fact that what they’d done was arguably better than pepperoni and bacon anyway. The time they had, the last real time they’d get together until they found a way to sneak off campus for a date, was worth the way Link’s stomach growled. He looked over at Rhett, hoping someday this would be them unpacking in a room they shared together, maybe even their own house, but happy for now that they were in one place again. That night, they’d fall asleep with only a wall dividing them. Compared to the city and year of silence that once distanced them, he figured they’d come a very, very long way.


	3. September 1996

_ September 1996 _

Milkshakes were one thing for Rhett, a small purchase under five dollars that basically constituted a date… a drink and time together? That was okay with him. He’d allow that. What frustrated him, though, grated and got under his skin, was the way Link was around Tim. On the day they met, Tim had been insistent on pizza when he’d finished unpacking, and when it came time to pay and he did the mental math on their shares of the bill, Link plucked a twenty out of his wallet. “Sorry, man, I don’t have anything smaller. Rhett, can you get me back later?”

It was a clear sign to Rhett that Link was footing the bill without trying to out him for the completely broke individual he was. He wasn’t even sure why it bothered him so much. After all, when they’d lived on the road, all of their money was just that…  _ their _ money. Now, though, they’d had time apart and distance and separation, and for Link to dive back in and believe that it was all communal again, that he could just step up and pay for Rhett’s pizza anytime he pleased, that was a problem.

But it was a problem Rhett let slide, ignoring it because Link had come up with a reasonable excuse. He didn’t have anything smaller than a twenty, as far as Tim knew. It was purely economical, and easier for Rhett to pay him back later since they had a longstanding friendship and they had only met Tim an hour before.

It was harder to let it slide on their fourth burger date in a row, a month into school, when Link once again insisted the waitress keep it on one check and bring the check only to him. “You can’t keep paying for everything,” Rhett said.

“Yes, I can. I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to foot the bill. It’s gentlemanly,” Link scoffed, waving away Rhett’s concerns with a flick of the hand.

“So you’re implying I’m not a gentleman,” Rhett pressed.

“Rhett,” Link cautioned, “I’m not saying that. You knew what I meant, and anyway, what’s with you?”

“I don’t want you to pay for our dates. Period. At all. In general. Until I make up for the fact that you’ve paid for them for a month now,” Rhett said. “I pay for the next four, or we don’t do this anymore.” They’d made an intentional effort since getting to campus to have at least one night a week away from Gregg and Tim, one night a week where they had a “study group” to get to, where they met at Link’s truck and drove two towns over to a place no one would know them. It was there, hidden under the table, where they could hold hands like they wanted to. It was in that truck bed that Link could pick up Bojangles and take Rhett out to a field to stargaze without anyone being able to see that they were making out in the back of it. It was only when they could be alone that they were able to feel free, and it mattered to both of them to have that night every week where they didn’t have to pretend they were just friends, and where they didn’t have to relegate moments together to when they would lock the door while they brushed their teeth.

That was a thing they did, too, heading into the bathroom around the same time, locking the door quietly so no one would hear, only long enough that they could sneak a few kisses, a few moments alone to talk before they had to open the door again and pretend that everything between them was platonic, normal, just two guys who had grown up together.

But Rhett couldn’t help but put his foot down now. It was his pride on the line here, the implication Link made that this was his job as a gentleman. “I’m not your freaking girlfriend!” Rhett snapped when he got the truck door closed behind him. “We’re supposed to be partners in this, equals, forever and all that and you’re sitting here like you’re supposed to take it on because you’re ‘the man’ in the relationship. Do you even think about how it makes me look?”

“So it’s not about me paying,” Link said. “It’s about how it makes you look and you not feeling manly enough? Really, Rhett? Like we haven’t gone our whole lives with everybody thinking if we were a thing, I’d be the girl ‘cause I’m so small compared to you?” Somewhere along the line, the way they’d been partners and shared their lives in Phoenix and LA ended. Somehow, it had shifted into a power struggle, a need to be the one who provided, and Rhett was floundering.

“You’re not paying anymore. That’s the end of it,” Rhett insisted, buckling his seat belt and turning toward the window.

“You’re not the freakin’ boss of me!” Link roared. “I am a grown adult, Rhett, and if I want to decide to pay for you, you need to let me. I can  _ afford _ to take care of us and you’re letting your stupid pride get in the way.”

Rhett unfastened his seatbelt then, yanking open the door of the truck and storming off, past the diner they’d been at, crossing the road and heading toward the trees. He needed time to think, time to clear his head and understand why Link would be like this. Tears stung at his eyes as he clenched his fists. He didn’t have the money, not really, but he’d also been working hard as a tutor, taking every session the school would let him have. It wasn’t much, wasn’t enough to even fully allow him to save up for the next semester of school so far, but it was something. He could budget twenty bucks to pay for a date if Link would only let him, if Link would give him the chance for once. But Link spoke for them before Rhett could say no, asking for the check before Rhett could insist it was his, and since they still tried to keep things secret and under the table here, Rhett didn’t want to make a scene most of the time.

He pressed his back against the first tree he found, sinking down onto the ground and wrapping his arms around his long legs, burying his face against his knees and taking a deep breath. He reminded himself that Link was only trying to do the right thing, trying to be nice when Rhett clearly didn’t have the money to pay, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. It wasn’t about the money anymore. It was about the comments Link put out there now alongside the money, the way Link had to think of him to be so insistent.

How had they sunk so far from where they’d been? Rhett wondered. If only they’d have been able to stay in LA, Rhett figured this wouldn’t be an issue. At that time, they shared everything, and if they’d stayed there, they still would. It was the year apart that did it, the year apart that forced Link to view his money as  _ his _ and not as theirs, and that had done the same for Rhett, too. Rhett heard the rustle of leaves, the sound of Link approaching, and scrambled to try to stand up.

“Stay there,” Link encouraged softly, sinking down on the grass beside Rhett. “I’m sorry.” Rhett perked up at that, looking at Link and trying to read his face. “I wasn’t trying to say you weren’t a man, and I wasn’t trying to make you feel badly for not paying. This was a lot easier when we weren’t here, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Rhett agreed. “It made more sense then. We were both working and contributing, and it meant we were both spending out of it. But now we aren’t making the same things and we don’t have the same resources,” Rhett confessed. “I just feel bad that you don’t ever let me do anything to make you feel special, either. It seems like all along, it’s just me trying to catch up.”

“We’re still equals in this,” Link leaned his head on Rhett’s shoulder. “I’m not taking that from you. I just don’t want you feeling stressed like you have to pay, and I thought it would be easier to take care of it than let you worry.”

“But then I worry that I’m not givin’ you enough, Link. I’m scared to death sometimes that you’re going to get sick of all of this, that you’ll be tired of putting in all the effort while I do nothing, and that you’re going to want me to grow up and be a man and that you think I’m not being one.”

“You’re being one,” Link tried to encourage Rhett, wrapping an arm around him. “You couldn’t do the things you do to me if you weren’t, you know that, right?” Link asked him. “Please come get back in the truck? We can deal with you paying for stuff later. If you really want to, that’s fine with me. I just don’t want you to stress about it, okay?” Link stood up and reached a hand out to Rhett, trying to get him to stand up, too.

“Okay,” Rhett agreed, letting Link help him off the ground before he reached around to dust off his own rear, then peeked around Link to brush the dirt off of his jeans, too. Link didn’t have much on him, but it didn’t stop Rhett from exaggerating the efforts until they were both chuckling, using humor to distract from how weird everything was at that moment, how it didn’t feel like it used to and how Rhett wasn’t sure if it ever would again.

It wasn’t until Link walked into Rhett’s room, textbook in hand, to ask a question that he noticed how serious Rhett was. It had been a long time since he’d seen the jar, in fact, he hadn’t seen it since Los Angeles. On Rhett’s dresser was one jar, almost filled with coins. It made him stop in his tracks and he was thankful Tim wasn’t in the room, because he walked over and picked up a handful of change, letting it plink back down into the jar. “Your jar,” Link said.

“Our jar,” Rhett corrected in reply. “I brought it with me, and it’s mostly been sitting in my bag closed for an emergency like textbooks or somethin’, but I think maybe it’s time for me to repurpose it.”

“What do you mean?” Link asked.

“I think maybe we need to set some ground rules,” Rhett said. “I think maybe we need to find you a jar–”

“–I still have mine,” Link interrupted. “It’s in the top drawer of my dresser.”

“Okay, well, I think we need to  _ use _ our jars,” Rhett said. “Remember how we used to dump every penny we had? Well, obviously we have to use some of the quarters to do laundry, but what if these are our date night jars? We can alternate if it means that much to you,” Rhett said, feeling the weight of Link’s body as he flopped down on the bed next to Rhett, sitting at Rhett’s feet. “But I think if we don’t have the money in the jars, then we don’t go. Maybe some weeks it means we just get milkshakes like we did that one week.”

“We could go camping,” Link suggested. “Or just go look at stars and not have any food or drink. Or I could take some fruit when I go to breakfast and bring it with us when we go. We can try some free stuff, too, if it helps.” Link, taking advantage of the empty room, rested his hand on Rhett’s leg and gave it a small squeeze. “It doesn’t have to be burgers every time. I just wanted to make sure you had what you needed.”

“I know,” Rhett said. He accepted the fact that, bad explanation aside, Link really did have good intentions behind what he was doing. It wasn’t like Link  _ meant _ to emasculate him in that moment, and it wasn’t like Link was the bad guy for buying him dinner. Neither of them could help the fact that it made him feel bad, but what Link  _ could _ help was to not think of Rhett like that anymore. “Just, when you do pay, can you please not act like it’s because you’re a man? Can it just be because you’re Link and you want to? And that when I do, it’s ‘cause I’m Rhett? Because this ‘gentleman’ stuff is getting to me,” Rhett confessed.

“I’m sorry I said it like that,” Link said. He hadn’t meant to hurt Rhett with what he said. “And yeah, I think the jars are an okay idea. We can make them last.” Link was heartbroken. The last time they’d fought like this, it was before they were together. It was back when they were on the road and trying to figure things out, back when tension reigned supreme between them and they hadn’t figured themselves out or figured out why they were so committed to the concept of going away together.

Now, they were together, but they were starting to let the pressures of who they thought they were rip them apart at the seams. It didn’t help that they had to tiptoe around everyone in their suite, to make it seem like they weren’t a couple when they were. Link did sometimes need help with his homework, and so did Rhett, but he got tired of pretending like that’s why he went in there every time they wanted a few minutes to talk. The pretense was ripping at them, the way they couldn’t be open in the very place they lived.

That was, of course, part of why Rhett had felt so out-of-place in his own home in the first place. It wasn’t just that his family didn’t accept who he was and tried to keep him away from Link. It was the fact that they were so convinced he couldn’t love Link and that time away from him would make Rhett “normal” again, if by normal they meant someone who would be willing to marry a girl. Rhett was now stuck in the cycle once more, now dealing with the fact that after a year of suppressing who he was, he had to do it all over again, and part of why he was forced to was that he didn’t have the means to prove to Link in the moments he could that he was  _ in _ this still, just like he had been.

“I wish it could be like it was,” Link mused out loud.

“Like it was in Los Angeles?” Rhett asked. “I mean, it can in some ways, can’t it?”

“I think Tim and Gregg would both look at us strangely if I came over and asked to get some money out of our shared fund to do laundry,” Link said. “And it isn’t like we can sleep in the same bed, either. How could it even be the same?”

“Well, one thing that’s the same is I still think we’re gonna be together forever,” Rhett said. “Just because things are different now doesn’t mean we’ve gotta be different. We’re still who we are.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Link said. Things didn’t  _ feel _ the same, though. Things felt distant and different, secretive and hidden in ways they hadn’t since he and Rhett were apart. His heart ached that he’d ever make Rhett feel like  _ less _ and he was annoyed that they still had a cinderblock wall between them, keeping Rhett from curling around him when he slept. But for now, they’d have to make the most of what they had, and if that meant two separate jars on two separate dressers in two separate rooms being used for one combined fund that they couldn’t tangibly combine, then it was going to have to work like that.

“Hey,” Gregg poked his head in from the room he and Link shared. “I think I’m gonna go pick up a bucket of chicken. You two want anything?” he asked. Rhett stood up and reached for his wallet in the top drawer of his dresser, turning to face Gregg as he handed him two tens.

“Can you pick up a second bucket and maybe some biscuits?” Rhett asked.

“Link? You getting anything?” Gregg prodded, but Rhett answered for Link.

“Nah, we’re sharing. I owe him for some pizza he picked up the tab for. Need me to go pick it up or are you grabbing it?” Rhett asked.

“Okay, well, I can go get it,” Gregg answered, looking back and forth at both of them. If Rhett didn’t know any better, he’d think Gregg had somehow caught on, but he and Link had played it carefully. And besides, there was nothing weird about what Gregg had walked in on. Rhett was lying back on the bed and Link was perched on the end of it with a textbook. To the blind observer, he was just studying and needed some help, and Rhett was too lazy to get up. But the look on Gregg’s face and the way he backed out of the room made Rhett feel a little bit off, and he wondered if he’d made the right choice in insisting on paying after all.


	4. October 1996

_ October 1996 _

Rhett had expected that they’d see Riley whenever they could their freshman year. After all, they’d become close friends, all three of them. Riley had even been up twice already, spending a weekend in Asheville and crashing on the couch of their suite. Despite only having eyes for Link, Rhett even managed to find him a few girls to entertain while he was in town.

It said a lot for Riley that, despite how weird Rhett felt on the NC State campus after cancelling the letter of intent he signed to play there, the weekend he and Link had gone down to hang out was one of his favorite memories of college so far. Riley’s roommate had gone out of town for a weekend, meaning the three of them could hang out just like they’d done in the summer, the three of them in a dorm room. This time, though, there was beer. Rhett had to say, that enhanced the experience.

But what Rhett didn’t expect was Riley, sitting on the couch of his dorm room, bags in hand. “Can I crash on the couch for a few days while I sort things out?” He was saying he’d find a job and an apartment and then it would all be okay. Rhett was dumbfounded. He had no idea how he was going to explain it to Link, Gregg, or Tim, but he also couldn’t easily tell Riley no, not after Riley had let him stay at his house for an entire summer after he left home. Link would be cool with it, undoubtedly. He was just as much Riley’s friend as Rhett was, so Link would let him stay forever if he could.

Gregg wouldn’t be hard to convince, either. They’d clicked easily when Riley had visited, and he was only asking for a few days, so it wasn’t like he was trying to move into the suite or anything. Tim would be a problem, though. Rhett wasn’t sure how he got stuck with the bummer roommate, but he’d even get annoyed if Link was in their room too late studying or laughing, which was insane considering they shared a suite as it was. Tim was a stickler for the rules. It was about more than that, too. Tim wasn’t exactly what anyone would call a people person, and he certainly wasn’t flexible.

Roommates aside, Rhett had a sincere problem with Riley being here. It had nothing to do with whether or not Rhett had an issue with him staying, and everything to do with Rhett wondering  _ why. _ Riley was living the life he almost lived, attending the school he’d been slated for, playing on the team he’d planned to play on, living in the dorms he’d planned to sleep in. Rhett didn’t have regrets. He was happy to be where Link was, in spite of their arguments and the things he’d given up. Riley was a different story, though, and he had everything going for him at NC State. He was a great basketball player, already killing it at practice and one of the best guys on the team. He had natural talent but he also had drive. Riley could be cocky, so Rhett hadn’t taken his word for how good he was. No, word had already spread about the incoming freshman who was going to be a surprise secret weapon during the upcoming season. The thought that Riley had left that behind, dropped out of NC State in the middle of the semester, and hauled himself to Asheville of all places to crash on a couch seemed outrageous to Rhett. So, even though it was a Wednesday morning and despite Rhett having classes to attend, he sank down on the couch next to Riley.

“Okay, go over it all again with me.  _ Why _ are you moving to Asheville?”

“I couldn’t do it, man. There were too many people tryin’ to watch me, expecting stuff from me… my dad, the team, it was just getting crazy, you know? It’s fine. I can usually handle the pressure fine, you know that. But this was a lot and I was kinda sick of all of the bullshit. And then put classes on top of that? Nah, it just wasn’t for me.”

“So, you quit. You quit everything because it was a lot of ‘bullshit’? Really, Riley? Is there a way you can go back and tell them it was a mistake and you changed your mind?” Rhett wasn’t positive that a rash Wednesday morning decision to quit everything and move to another town was a smart one. If he didn’t know Riley any better, didn’t know how his personality could be, he’d think Riley was having a mental break. “You sure you’re not in trouble, man? Did you rob a bank or knock up a girl or something?”

Rhett hated asking him that. In fairness, he’d mostly been joking about the bank robbery part anyway. But the rest? It was in the realm of possiblity. What else would have made Riley run so fast? But Rhett knew it couldn’t be that. He was sure, regardless of what sort of involvement Riley might have with a girl if he got her pregnant -- which is to say he’d probably step up even if he wasn’t perfect or anywhere near remotely ready -- Riley’s family had more than enough money to pay a girl off or make her comfortable with the situation. Riley, running from that? It wasn’t about to happen.

Whatever had Riley leaving Raleigh had to be more than that. Or perhaps, Rhett considered, Riley was telling the truth. Maybe he’d just gotten overwhelmed or sick of it. Rhett couldn’t have put it past him.

“I’m not going back,” Riley said. “Besides, isn’t this what you did? You and Link? Y’all decided what you were doing wasn’t working and you up and found another place to be. You made the decision quickly, too, and look! You two are doin’ great!” Riley insisted. “It works out. You gotta trust that it works out!”

“Link and I were practically  _ kids,” _ Rhett answered. Had it really been two years before that they’d left? It felt like forever and yet only days. “We had our asses hauled back to North Carolina and were forced apart for over a year, too. It’s a little different than quitting school and dropping a massive scholarship. Not to mention leaving a basketball team where you were the star before the season even started. And it’s way different doing it alone. What the heck, man?” Rhett couldn’t figure it out. “I mean, Link and I, we had each other when we left. I had the love of my life with me and you just… you… you took off. I don’t get it.”

“You two weren’t together when you left, so don’t pull that on me, Rhett,” Riley said. “It isn’t even that big of a deal! I got bored, I left school, and it’s fine. I’m gonna get a job and it’ll be fine. But y’all gotta let me stay here. It won’t take me that long to find an apartment, I swear. Maybe a week?” Riley had already gone from asking for just a couple of days to asking for a week, and Rhett was worried that by the time Tim got there, it would be “hey, can I stay out the semester?” But Rhett just nodded and said he’d ask. There was no use in trying to go to classes by now. He wasn’t going to leave Riley to explain why he was there to his suitemates if they got back before he did. Instead, he stayed there and chatted with Riley, asking if he wanted to play video games.

An hour later, Link swung the door open. “Rhett? Where were– RILES!” Link grinned wide and dropped his bag at the door. “Sup, brother?” He said, draping himself over the back of the couch to give Riley a half-hug before leaning in to kiss Rhett’s cheek. It was clear no one else was there but the three of them, the bedroom doors closed and not another soul in sight, so Link took the safe bet and kissed Rhett on the cheek in spite of their own personal anti-PDA rules anywhere their roommates might see them. Rhett tangled his arm around Link’s neck and pulled him down for a deeper kiss until Link was almost falling over the couch.

“God, could you two  _ please _ get a room already? What was this school thinkin’ putting you two in separate bedrooms anyway?” Riley muttered. Rhett pulled back from the kiss and Link sank onto the couch between them, careful not to get too cozy with Rhett in case Gregg did come back from class early.

“If you don’t like it, crash on someone else’s couch!” Rhett snarked, laughing. “You going to tell Link or do you want me to?”

“Tell me what?” Link perked up, then stood to grab a soda from the fridge, cracking it open. He returned to his spot on the couch, letting Rhett take his hand carefully. They were out of view of the door, making Link feel a little more comfortable with it, since they could let go before anyone got close. Riley was safe, though, and Link longed for the contact.

“If y’all are cool with it, I think I might crash here for a bit and look for a place in Asheville,” Riley said matter-of-factly. Rhett didn’t miss the way that a few days had become a week had become a very unclear “bit” without much indication of how long it might be. Tim was  _ never _ going to go for it.

“Wait, you’re moving here? Why?” Link asked, furrowing his brow. “But you have a scholarship at NC State, don’t you?”

“Come on,” Riley whined, ruffling Link’s hair as if he was a small child. “I missed my best buds. Sometimes scholarships aren’t worth it if you’re not surrounding yourself with people who are fun to be around!” Rhett couldn’t help but scoff at that. Of  _ course _ someone with money wouldn’t think twice about walking away from a scholarship.

“Really?” Rhett asked. Riley shot him a small sympathetic look, but then it changed as his eyes flashed at Link like he wanted Rhett to shut up. “I’m being serious, Riley, are you in some kind of trouble?” Rhett wasn’t in the mood to mess around anymore. He wanted answers. “Were you caught drinking? Suspended? Blow up a house or something by accident?” Something wasn’t adding up to Rhett.

Riley scoffed and turned his head back toward the TV, which Rhett had turned off. “I told you. Everything’s good. Just wanted to come up here, get off my back, man.” Riley huffed and pulled out a book, starting to read it, some pretentious author Rhett was sure came with the private schooled life Riley had previously lived. Rhett hadn’t been in the private school system long enough to adopt every habit Riley had, but he’d been there long enough. He knew no one he grew up with would have dropped out of school two months in to read something that snobby on their friend’s couch.

It was clear Riley had nothing more to say, so Rhett shook his head, giving up and turning his attention to Link. “Do you have any notes I can look at?” He squeezed Link’s hand gently. Link nodded and stood up, grabbing his bag and pulling Rhett into his room, stealing a few more kisses with the door closed before Gregg could come back. Riley didn’t bother putting his book down, either, not until an hour later, long after Rhett had squeezed as many quick kisses as he could into their time alone, long after he’d copied the notes Link brought him. Riley shut out the world, seemingly unwilling to talk about anything until Gregg came back to the dorm.

“Oh, hey, Riley,” Gregg said. “What’s up? We never get the privilege of seein’ you in the middle of the week, man.” Rhett twisted his face at the awkward way Gregg greeted him, like he had to be overly nice because it was one of Rhett’s friends. Rhett was thankful for the fact that, in spite of Gregg’s general weirdness as a person, the two did seem to genuinely get along. It hadn’t taken Riley any time at all to figure out that Gregg agreed with him about how hot Asheville girls were. It was something Rhett couldn’t relate to, even if he did pretend to for Gregg’s sake.

“Riley needs a place to crash for a few days,” Rhett said, tone flat to where Gregg could almost  _ hear _ the eyeroll in his voice. Rhett put the emphasis on a few days, glancing at Riley to make sure he was clear: a few days, tops. He wasn’t even going to attempt to convince Tim to agree to more than that.

“Hey, that’s good with me,” Gregg offered, flopping himself down in the empty spot on the couch by Riley, now that Rhett and Link had both long abandoned the couch in favor of desks. He leaned into Riley’s space just a little. “Stay as long as you need,” he said. “I mean, if it’s cool with everyone else,” he tacked on, shrugging. “I don’t mind, though.” Gregg glanced at Rhett. “Remember last time Riley was here? Dude got me in with a totally fine girl.”

“Trust me, I remember,” Link said. He’d had to listen to it, sharing the room with Gregg as he made out with her. He couldn’t even escape to the couch since Riley was there. Instead, he’d covered his head with a pillow, pressing it to his ears and facing the wall. Rhett was just on the other side of it, and Link would have given anything to make out with him as brazenly as a sloppy Gregg made out with this strange girl. Instead, Link pressed his hand to the cinderblock wall. “I’m guessing y’all are going out Friday night? Bar maybe?” Link speculated, snapping back to the situation at hand. The smirk on Gregg’s face said he was hoping that was the plan, and Riley nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good to me. You and Rhett going to actually join us or do you two nerds have your study group again this week?” Riley prodded. Study group, of course, was their way of saying they wouldn’t be here. Last time, they’d spent the entire time Riley and Gregg had been at the bar in the bed of Link’s truck, shifting their hips against each other and wondering how much clothing removal was illegal and immoral of them to do. Rhett shrugged him off, interrupted by Tim stalking into the room.

“Nobody going to let me know that your friend is dropping by? Wow, guys, thanks for the heads up,” he muttered, putting his bag into the room he and Rhett shared.

“Sorry,” Riley shrugged. “I kind of sprung it on y’all. Didn’t mean for it to be an issue.” He looked uncomfortable, and Rhett couldn’t blame him. There were all kinds of ways to express disappointment, but Rhett had always been raised better than to do it in front of a guest.

“Riley needs to crash here for a few days. Family emergency,” Rhett said. No one moved to correct Rhett on the obvious lie. Whatever would get Tim on board was fine with all of them, because they were all fine with Riley.

“A few  _ days? _ Really, he shows up and demands to stay here for a few days? He’s got all kinds of bags, that’s not a few days!” Tim started to raise his voice. “Rhett, a word.” Tim nodded his head toward their shared room. For someone who was his age, Tim certainly reminded Rhett of his father, gruff and formal, unable to see the bright side of anything, and worst of all, too much of a stickler about everything to be fun to live with at all.

“What’s up?” Rhett asked, closing the door behind him. He knew Link too well and wondered how long it would be before he was standing near the door, straining to hear.

Link did exactly that, pressing himself to the floor and trying to listen under the crack of the door. “Shhh,” he hissed at Riley and Gregg, who were still on the couch, chuckling about something. “Guys!” he whispered.

“So his crap’s going to be in our living space for a few days? And I’m supposed to be fine with it being trashed? I can’t focus like that! And there goes studying out there on the couch,” Tim huffed.

“You don’t study on the couch anyway!” Rhett reminded him. “If his stuff is an issue, I have plenty of room under my bed and can put his bags in here. Please, man, we’re talking a few days and then he’ll be able to head out.”

“Oh, so your solution to getting the bags out of the shared living space is to put them in  _ my _ room so I have to stare at them? Really? How’d I get stuck with the most selfish roommate on the planet?” Tim was being a complete jerk and Rhett wondered if he realized it. It was  _ college _ . People crashed on other people’s couches all the time, late-night study sessions gone long, friends staying over, all kinds of things. But of course, they’d be the lucky crew to get stuck with the one person on the entire campus who wouldn’t be okay with Riley sleeping on their couch. Riley was the equivalent of a golden retriever, a sunny, cheerful dork who got along with everyone. Rhett figured it said a lot about Tim that he was the only person who didn’t like Riley.

“I’m just trying to get them out of the way,” Rhett explained. “Listen, we can set ground rules about times the couch has to be cleaned up so you can study, we can set a limit of days he can be here, whatever. We can talk this through. All we need is your blessing for him to crash here for a day or two.”

Link relayed all of this to Gregg and Riley, whispering the information in hopes Rhett and Tim wouldn’t hear them talking. “Screw this,” Gregg huffed, hopping up and heading to the door. He didn’t even really wait for Link to move to yank it open, almost nailing him in the face with the door. “Tim, seriously, don’t be an ass, man. Dude’s in a rough spot.”

“He just shows up out of nowhere and I’m the a–”

“–okay, quiet and listen for a sec,” Gregg raised his hand in front of him, trying to calm Tim. Gregg may have only been in his second month as an elementary education major, but Rhett could tell he was going to make a great teacher, because Tim seemed to actually be listening. “Here’s the plan: Rhett’s going to move into my room for a bit. He and Link have known each other forever and it makes sense that it should’ve been that way, but this way, if Rhett’s got Riley’s stuff in there, you don’t have to see it at all. It’s all in the other room. And then we can make up some sort of place for Riley to crash on the floor in that room so it doesn’t have any impact on you at all. Then I move in here because obviously all four of us can’t sleep in that room and you in here by yourself. And you don’t have to do anything. You just go on about your business except instead of waking up in the same room as Rhett, you’ll be stuck with me. Cool?”

He didn’t give Tim a chance to answer before turning to Rhett and saying “I’ll get my stuff moved over here, give me like half an hour? You don’t have much here, either, so it won’t take us long.” It wasn’t meant to be a dig, the way Gregg overlooked the fact that they had very little for very different reasons. Gregg didn’t have a ton to move because he’d flown to North Carolina, so he’d been planning on getting another suitcase full during fall break. Rhett didn’t have more to go back for. He wasn’t even sure where he was going to  _ spend  _ break, truth be told.

It made sense for the two with the least stuff to swap rooms. But what Rhett wasn’t willing to let on, when quietly celebrating the successful decision to move rooms, was how happy this arrangement made him. For the first time since Los Angeles, he and Link were sharing a room. Gregg only shattered his dreams a little bit by saying “when Riley leaves, we can always switch back.” As adamant as he’d been in this being an arrangement that would only last a few days, suddenly Riley sticking around indefinitely seemed pretty good. Link helped Rhett pull the posters down carefully, taping them up in his own room.

“You’re welcome,” Riley snorted when he was sure they had the room to themselves. “Now y’all have an excuse. Hey, Rhett, want to give me your bed so I don’t have to sleep on the floor? You two have been friends forever. Makes sense that you’d be more comfortable sharing a bed than you and me or Link and me.”

“Shut up,” Rhett muttered. “You’re on the floor and you know it.” In the back of his mind, he wondered if that would be a viable excuse, if he could claim that after Riley spent the night on the floor, he was dying for a bed. He shook his head to no one in particular. They were already pushing it as it was.


	5. Mid-October 1996

_ Mid-October 1996 _

Gregg knocked on the door and leaned his head in. “Hey, y’all see this?” He waved a student handbook around.

“The student handbook? Yeah, Gregg, pretty sure there was a copy on every desk at check-in, why?” Link rolled his eyes. “And who casually reads the student handbook, anyway? I don’t think I’ve even looked at mine.”

“That’s what I was askin’! Did you even read it?” Gregg asked. “Look.” He flopped the manual down on Link’s desk, open to a page that said  _ Gear Rental _ on top. “We can rent camping gear!”

“Cool,” Rhett said, peeking over Link’s shoulder at the manual.

“Guys,” Riley piped up, “it’s code for ‘Tim is going to knock Riley on his ass if we don’t get out of here for the weekend, so maybe if we go camping we can buy a few days before the inevitable nuclear explosion.’ It is, isn’t it Gregg?”

“I mean… camping would be fun, though, wouldn’t it?” Gregg had a sheepish grin on his face. Riley knew he’d overstayed his welcome, not just from Tim’s reaction, but from the way his back popped every time he woke up in the morning, the floor being unkind and Rhett still fearful someone would figure things out if he gave up his bed to Riley.

“So we’re going camping then?” Link looked flipped the couple of pages that spelled out the rental terms and prices. “When?”

“Says as long as we get in before Friday afternoon, we can rent for the weekend,” Gregg said. “Looks like they have a four-person tent, so that’ll fit perfectly.”

“Nope,” Riley answered. “You know Rhett goes hard on the beans on an everyday basis. You think he’s not going to do that camping? I’m not sharing a tent with him!” He glanced at Rhett, giving him a conspiratory wink when no one could see. “Gregg, what do you say we stick Link with him and you and I split one? I don’t even  _ like _ beans.”

* * *

“Wow, those two sure went to bed early,” Gregg said, taking a swig of his beer. Link had started yawning about ten minutes after they finished dinner, and it didn’t take long for Rhett to suggest they head to the tent instead of staying up, that they could spend the day exploring the area and hiking after a good rest. “It’s like they were just counting the seconds ‘til they could get in the tent together.”

Riley chuckled uncomfortably. He was relatively certain Rhett hadn’t told anyone as of the last time he’d visited, but it seemed clear to him now that things had changed and he’d not even bothered to ask Rhett this time around. “I guess I, uh… I didn’t realize you knew,” Riley finally said.

“Know that those two seem to flirt non-stop? Yeah, I think everybody sees that, don’t they? I mean, I know it’s unnatural and all of that, but if those two want to jump each other’s bones, they need to just get it over with,” Gregg said. “Jesus, it’s getting hard to watch.”

“What’s unnatural about it?” Riley tensed. He realized it had to be a good thing Rhett hadn’t come out. The last thing he needed were judgmental roommates. “If they are, they are. It’s all good.” He tried to play it cool and not bristle at the thought of the hate his best friend faced moving forward.

“I mean, I don’t mean it’s like… a bad thing if they were somethin’. I just mean you know, which one of ‘em would even… just forget it. I think I’ve had one too many tonight,” Gregg sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking at the stars above them.

“No, I know. It just seems to me like if they’re into each other and they want to go for it, then they should. I  _ do _ think they had the right idea about sleep, though. I didn’t expect it to be such a long walk down here.” Riley yawned and stood up. “You staying out here or…?” he nodded toward the tent. He didn’t want to stick Gregg with putting out the fire and cleaning up himself, but his body ached. Plus, he wasn’t the most outdoorsy person on the planet.

“I think I’m going to bed, too,” he said, standing up and grabbing the bucket of water to put out fire they’d built to cook dinner that night. But once he was in the tent, sleep proved evasive. Gregg couldn’t get a good read on Riley or figure out what he was thinking. Yeah, it wasn’t that weird if his roommates were interested in each other, and from what he could see of the tension, it seemed unbearable. Eventually, one of them would have to snap and confess they were interested in the other, would have to make the first move, and it made Gregg itch just thinking about it. He shifted in his sleeping bag again.

“You okay?” Riley whispered in the dark. Gregg turned toward him, realizing just how close together they were. A two person tent was really only enough for the sleeping bags, so there wasn’t a lot of extra room.

“Yeah,” Gregg said quietly. “Just getting comfortable.” Emotionally comfortable, though, was a stretch. Gregg’s mind was racing. Riley was just so  _ cool _ with the thought of those two together, so nonchalant about the idea that if they hooked up, so be it. He’d never met a guy who was that open to the idea, that calm about it, and it was eating at him.

“Okay. Night, Gregg,” Riley said.

“Night,” Gregg sighed. A few minutes later, he was still struggling. “Hey, Riley?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Riley clicked the flashlight on and propped himself up on his elbow. He had a feeling this might be a long night, since Gregg seemed to be really restless. Gregg propped himself up, too, looking at Riley as Riley waited for him to say something, whatever it was that followed a “hey” in the middle of the night. But Gregg said nothing. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed Riley. It was chaste and quick, and Gregg pulled back from it blinking.

“Sorry. I…. um… I’m not sure why I… sorry,” Gregg mumbled and flipped over, facing the wall of the tent instead of Riley.

“Hey,” Riley placed his hand on Gregg’s arm reassuringly. “Listen, it’s not a big deal. It’s just, um… I’m straight, so it’s not… it doesn’t have anything to do with you or anything.”

“I’m straight, too,” Gregg bristled. “I’m sorry. I… it seemed like you were, uh… I don’t know. You just were sayin’ stuff about them together and… and then I just kind of felt like…”

“I’m sorry,” Riley said. “I wasn’t trying to mislead you. You seem really cool, okay? No stress.”

“If you need me to ask them to switch tents real quick, I can. Maybe they’ll wake up easily and I can switch tonight but if not, I can sleep outs–”

“Gregg. Shush. You’re not going to try to kiss me again, right?”

“Right,” Gregg answered.

“So we’re cool, then. No harm. Just a little too much beer, yeah?”

“Are you, um…” Gregg looked down and played with a thread on his sleeping bag. “Are you gonna tell them?” He furrowed his brow, worry plastered on his face.

“No,” Riley said. “I’m going to get some sleep. And then tomorrow we’re all going to go hiking and have a great day. And tomorrow night, you’re going to get into this tent and so am I. And we’re going to be cool. Okay? It’s all good.” Riley turned the flashlight back off and sank down into his sleeping bag.

“Thanks,” Gregg said quietly. Riley was snoring after that, but sleep was elusive for Gregg. It was that trouble that left him oversleeping in the morning; once he’d fallen asleep, it took Rhett shaking the tent to rouse him from his sleeping bag. “Dude, I’m going to eat your eggs if you don’t get the heck out of the tent! I’m starving!”

“Don’t listen to him,” Link hollered in. “He’s not starving. He’s had half a package of bacon to himself!”

Gregg woke to the two of them laughing, unzipping the tent and rubbing his eyes. He worried that Riley had already told them, despite his promise he wouldn’t, or worried Riley would avoid him after everything. Instead, Riley passed him a plate. “You want some bacon, too? Gotta grab it before Rhett does.” By all indications, everything was downright  _ normal. _ If he didn’t know any better, he would have assumed it had been a dream, but Riley gave Gregg’s shoulder a small squeeze and a smile, and it told Gregg it had been an actual conversation, an actual thing that happened.

None of them seemed like anything was awry the entire day. It was hiking, fishing, laying out on the grass next to the lake and talking. It was like nothing had been an issue after all -- not Gregg’s kiss, not the way Rhett and Link had been so close the night before. On their way back, Rhett grabbed Riley’s arm. “Hey, could you guys hear us last night?”

“No. Did you call for us or something?” Riley asked, just as quietly as Rhett had spoken to him, trying to keep hushed.

“No. But I was talkin’ really loudly to prove a point and wanted to make sure you wouldn’t hear anything,” Rhett answered, a smirk playing on his face at being proven completely right.

“Ew, okay, Rhett? Too much information. You two have fun, and uh, leave me out of it,” he laughed. As soon as Gregg heard the laughter, he snapped his head around to look at the pair and slowed down to match their step.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, and Riley could read the hurt in his tone. Somehow, he’d thought it was about him, perhaps that Riley had shared and Rhett was laughing about it.

“Hey, just talking about how ridiculous Link looks when he sleeps,” Riley said, tilting his head back and opening his mouth, affecting a loud intake of breath, just like when Link slept. “Don’t you think he looks like a crazy person?” Riley laughed again.

“I swear one day a pilot’s gonna try to land a plane in there or something!” Rhett tacked on, and the moment he started to laugh again, Gregg loosened up, laughing along with them until Link shot them each a glare.

“Yeah, like y’all look so normal. I’ve seen every single one of you sleep, don’t you worry. Every one of you is a complete fool as soon as you’re out like a light, so don’t go there!” The four of them stumbled along over broken branches and fallen leaves toward their campsite, laughing and poking fun at the others’ expense, and for the first time in a while, Gregg didn’t feel the sense of anxiety that always loomed over him. None of them did.

* * *

Link curled against Rhett, the sleeping bag bulking between them, but he was still able to feel the security of Rhett’s body against his regardless. “Hey, Link?” Rhett said quietly. “We could zip our sleeping bags together if you wanted.”

“What if someone sees?” Link asked. His biggest concern was that they’d get caught, that Gregg would find out that they’d been together for a while.

“That’s not going to happen,” Rhett reassured him. “Even if it did, it’s October. All we gotta say is that it was cold last night and you were shivering and I suggested body heat. Body heat isn’t some sort of gateway drug to being gay, so I don’t think he’ll know. Maybe they’re cold over there, too, and we just have the right idea on how to solve it.”

“You sure it’s not a gateway?” Link teased Rhett as he slid out of his bag to accept the offer. “I remember in Phoenix I got cold. It seemed to be a good gateway for us.”

“Yeah, like it wasn’t inevitable all along,” Rhett said. “You knew it was always going to be us. I knew that, too. Forever, right?”

“Forever,” Link agreed. He zipped their bags together, pressing his body to Rhett’s. “That’s better,” he told Rhett, making sure he knew that he felt okay with this.

“I missed sleeping this close to you,” Rhett said, breathing against Link’s skin. He shifted forward and Link could feel the unintended physical responses to them being this close after so many nights spent not being close enough. They hadn’t even had the time to go on dates the last few weeks, let alone be  _ this _ close to each other. Rhett shifted against Link and Link stilled.

“What if they hear us?” he asked.

“They won’t. Even when I was talking loud last night, Riley said they couldn’t hear anything,” Rhett promised. “Please?” Link knew if he even remotely expressed a hint that he wouldn’t be okay with it, Rhett wouldn’t ask again that night. But the thing was, he wanted it, too. He could feel himself getting turned on at the thought of it, would have done anything to get Rhett closer to him. Link rolled over and kissed Rhett, rubbing against him.

“Okay,” he said, and he could feel Rhett’s fingers tugging at his shirt. For some reason, the whole idea of being in the middle of nowhere in a tent had Link’s skin almost on fire at the thrill of things. Sure, they’d been shirtless together before, stripping down until they were in boxers a few times, but this felt different, felt like  _ more. _ He tugged Rhett’s shirt off and tried to tease his fingers at the pajama pants Rhett wore.

“I, uh… I don’t have anything on underneath those,” Rhett said, clearing his throat. Link had caught Rhett changing out of the corner of his eye, and even though neither of them ever made an effort to really  _ look _ , still keeping to the privacy they’d always shared together, Link had caught a glimpse.

“I know,” Link said. He wanted to do this. He wanted to know what it was like to have full skin contact with Rhett, to be against him like  _ that. _ “I… I really want to, uh…”

“Okay,” Rhett said, guiding Link’s hands, hooked in the hemline, down his waist to reveal himself. Link could feel Rhett against his hip, and he shifted against it, feeling Rhett tremble, maybe from the sensation or maybe from nerves.

“Wait,” Link said, before Rhett could take Link’s boxers off of him. For a moment, Rhett stressed that Link had agreed to too much, too fast, even if they’d been together for so long. It was a big step for them. They’d been raised that anything like this counted as sex, and he felt like they’d had this unspoken agreement between them that as long as they had clothes on, it didn’t count. This was removing that barrier, every barrier, and even if he didn’t think Link wanted to, well, to do anything past what they’d been doing, but more naked, he wondered if Link wasn’t backtracking because of the realization. But then Link said “I don’t want to do this the first time in the dark. I kind of want to see it, uh, you. See you.” His stammering was endearing and Rhett agreed, shifting to reach for the small battery-operated lantern in their tent. He clicked it on and Link’s face came fully into view.

“Is that better?”

“Gosh,” Link took a sharp inhale and ran his fingertips along Rhett’s chest. “Yeah, it’s… wow.” He didn’t know how to even explain what this was like, but he didn’t have to. Rhett was experiencing it for the first time, too, carefully putting his hands on Link’s hips and waiting for an okay, a final nod of approval from Link as he took the last of his clothes off, too. “Is this okay?” he asked, hesitant now that they were this close, this intimate without the barriers they usually left in place to keep them in check.

“Yeah,” Rhett answered. “Can I… um…” he reached his fingertips forward, wiggling them a little bit like he wasn’t sure if this was okay or not, and it made sense that he wouldn’t be, because even if Link was giving his full approval, this was so new that they both sparked with nerves and electric touches. Link shifted forward, nudging himself against Rhett and feeling their skin together.

“You can do anything you want,” Link breathed. He meant it, too. Rhett could do anything and he’d be okay in that moment. Rhett brought them together, enveloping them both in his hand, and Link was dizzy, his head feeling like every emotion he’d ever felt was blurring together. He was a little overwhelmed. Sensation-wise, it was only a little different from things he’d done himself countless times before, but the realization that this was something they were doing, something they did together, something… more than they’d ever done before, that had his mind hazy and his breath ragged. He was getting louder, too, unable to help it, and Rhett was kissing him deeply, trying to quiet him. Sure, Riley hadn’t heard Rhett’s talking, but if Link got much louder, the guys in the other tent might think a wild animal had gotten them. Rhett shifted to straddle Link’s hips, continuing what he was doing with his hands and covering Link with his body, his kiss deep and passionate, something Link had never felt before. The way Rhett kissed Link, the way he held him, gave Link no opportunity to even warn him that he was close to the precipice, but his body did the work for him, his gasps and the way his body shook became warning enough. Not that any of it stopped Rhett. Rhett kept going until he was sure Link was satisfied and breathing hard, then he laid beside Link and teased his fingers along Link’s arm gently.

“Your turn,” Link finally breathed, taking Rhett, working Rhett like an extension of his own body, like second nature, like it was always supposed to be like this. “Is this okay?” Link repeated, and Rhett nodded, kissing Link again.

“You’re good at that,” he groaned, then pressed his arm to his face to silence the groan escaping from him as he arched his back out of his sleeping bag. The effort to come down after that was a lot for both of them, heavy breaths and tender kisses, soft touches and pulling each other closer. Link’s eyes were heavy, both from the hike that had worn them down that day, their muscles sore and overstimulated, and from the moment they’d just shared. He shifted closer to Rhett and it was obvious that they could have saved their rental money and brought just one sleeping bag, since they took up no more space than that with the way Link tangled himself in Rhett’s arms. Rhett kissed the top of his head and reached up to flick the lantern back off, but neither of them sought their clothing at all. Instead, Link laid his head on Rhett’s arm and within minutes, Rhett could hear his soft snores.

It wasn’t until morning that it dawned on Link that they’d never bothered to get dressed the night before, sleeping with their legs tangled and their bodies close together. He could feel Rhett against him in the morning, and as much as he longed for a round two, a chance to repeat everything they’d done the night before, he and Rhett could both hear the stirrings of their campmates outside. “I don’t want to get up,” Link groaned, nuzzling in closer to Rhett.

“I know, baby,” he answered, uncharacteristically grabbing Link’s butt to pull him even closer. Link giggled at the contact, blushing. They’d been together for so long, but also apart in stretches of time that left them missing the chance to explore like this when so many couples would have already done these things together. But neither of them were entirely sure how this worked anyway. They didn’t know any other guys in love with guys, or what pace they should take for their relationship. All they knew was that they had to do what felt right for them, and this felt right. Both of them craved that same touch again, but with no time or privacy, Link was forced to will himself out of the sleeping bag. For the first time, he didn’t turn away from Rhett or try to hide himself. He just curled out of the sleeping bag and tugged his clothes on as if nothing had changed, when somehow it felt like everything had. He could feel Rhett’s eyes on him, and he couldn’t read if they had lust or curiosity written in them, a silent question of how Link was being so open and free, his modesty stripped away after their contact.

Neither of them wanted to break the spell of camping. Once they returned to school, they’d be forced to be apart again, separate beds, separate spaces, and this wasn’t something they could do in any quick places they found to connect on their dates. This was a one-and-done kind of thing, a one-weekend chance to have this, and then who knew when they’d get it again? Rhett opened the tent as soon as they were both clothed, and Link stepped out into the bright morning light. “You two slept late,” Gregg muttered, sitting down for another cup of coffee. “Thought we were getting up bright and early to hike.”

“Come on, you know those two were up late arguing about some sort of cosmic universal whatever,” Riley nodded toward them. “If those two could ever stop talking, they’d fall asleep easier. You’d think after knowin’ each other for years, they’d run out of stuff to say.” At that, Gregg chuckled. He was all-too-aware of their late night debates, so he didn’t question things any further. Rhett was thankful that Riley always knew the right thing to say, because he and Link would otherwise stumble and feel like they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t too often.

They didn’t feel the need to hide when they’d been in California, not really. Even when they did, they felt more open than they were here. But here, they worried. They lived with guys, and they wondered what they’d think. North Carolina wasn’t like Phoenix or California, places they were open to be who they were. Here, they had to be careful.

* * *

There was less hesitation that night when Link didn’t stop to question if it was okay for him to strip Rhett down to bare skin. He already knew the answer: they were going to take every opportunity they had before they headed back the next morning. This was their last night to be skin-to-skin, bare bodies against each other, and neither of them were turning it down. It wasn’t until Link was snoring that Rhett slid out of the sleeping bag, trying his hardest not to wake Link.

He tiptoed out of the tent, zipping it closed behind him and using the flashlight to guide his way to the treeline they’d been using as a bathroom. He hadn’t noticed Riley there, and when he approached, the startled jump Riley gave was enough to panic him. “Holy crap!” Riley whipped around, and Rhett glanced down.

“Be careful where you aim that thing,” he quipped. Riley shook his head and zipped up, turning his back while Rhett finished and waiting so they could walk back together. With the snapping twigs and quiet of the night, neither of them spoke until they got back to the dying light of their campfire.

“You spooked me, man. I’m staying up and having a beer. You want one?” Riley asked, and when Rhett nodded, Riley passed him one of his own. Rhett sank down into the chair next to Riley and opened it, drinking and taking a long exhale before he spoke again.

“Hey, Riley?”

“Yeah?”

“You never did tell me why you quit NC State,” Rhett said.

There was a long pause, a massive silence between them before Riley finally answered. “Sure I did.”

“Nah, you didn’t. Come on, man. I lived with you all summer. I know when you’re not being real with me. What’s going on?”

“I got kicked out. Or, I basically did. Fucked some stuff up on the team, lost my scholarship, was put on academic probation… it was bad,” he said.

“Oh my gosh, really? What happened?” Rhett gasped at the information, not sure why Riley could have done to lose his spot. He’d heard of people doing the worst possible things to others and still managing to keep their spot on the team if they were good, and Riley was  _ incredible. _

“It’s not a big deal, man,” Riley said, draining the last of his beer. “I’m going to hit the hay.”

“No,” Rhett commanded, putting his hand on Riley’s leg, gripping it firmly. “Talk to me, man. What happened?”

“You really want to know? That jackass from the party… you  _ know _ the one I’m talking about, right?” Riley asked. Rhett nodded. How could he possibly forget the drunken mistake he’d made? Lost and missing Link, hopeless and worried he’d never be with him again, Rhett had gotten drunk at a college party, too drunk, and made out with a basketball player. But the second a teammate wanted to know what was up, he turned on Rhett, blaming the entire situation on him. He’d never told Link, and Riley hadn’t either, both keeping the secret. He was sure that was why Riley was being so vague here, just in case Link was listening. It wouldn’t have been fair of him to make it any clearer.

“Yeah, I know who you mean.”

“He kept screwing around, man. He’d start shit, call people… you know, stuff. Stuff that isn’t nice to you or Link or anybody else like y’all. And one day I just… I don’t know, man, I snapped. I freaked out, I beat the crap out of him, I mean, my knuckles were raw and bloodied and all that. That’s why I didn’t come up here right away. I stayed there for a while, tried to handle the whole academic probation thing, but then I realized I was down there, tryin’ to make it work, and my friends were here, so if I wasn’t there to play basketball, what the hell was I doing with my life down there anyway? So I left.”

“Wait, you beat the crap out of a guy for using some slurs?” Rhett asked. The slurs hurt him more than they hurt Riley, he assumed, and he wasn’t positive he would have risked his scholarship and standing on the team over it. The fact that Riley did because he’d insulted a community Riley wasn’t even personally a part of spoke volumes to the kind of character he had, in Rhett’s mind.

“It was a daily basis, man. And then he’d go to parties, we all would, and he’d drink a little and set his eyes on some guy, like he was some prize piece of meat, lead him out of the room, then the next Monday he’d be up to the same old crap, saying the same stuff. I couldn’t listen to it.”

“Sounds like he’s got a lot more problems with himself than anything,” Rhett sighed. “Thanks, man. I mean, for having my back. Our back. Whatever. Thanks.”

“Honestly I’m just glad you weren’t there. And that they didn’t decide to press charges, because I’m tellin’ ya, that was on the table for a little bit.”

“Yeah, I’m glad, too.” Rhett watched Riley yawn and figured their best game plan, now that the truth was out, was for them both to get some sleep. But just as Riley got to his tent and started to unzip it, Rhett turned back to him. “Thanks, Riley. For not tellin’ anyone, I mean.”

Rhett didn’t have to say anything more. Riley knew what he meant.


	6. Early November 1996

_ Early November 1996 _

“Link, listen to this,” Riley said, turning and cracking his back, the sound absolutely grotesque. “Doesn’t that sound bad?”

“Well, I’d say if you were even remotely looking for an apartment, you wouldn’t be in so much pain from sleeping on the floor,” Link prodded, then laughed to make it clear it was a joke. Even Tim had mostly gotten over Riley being there once he saw how little it affected him. In fairness, Riley  _ had _ been looking for a place, but his tastes and the offerings near Asheville didn’t exactly align, and since he was convinced he’d get into UNC-Asheville the following year, he hated to sign a year-long lease only to break it a few months later if he decided to move onto campus. For now, what they had going was working, Riley’s back aside.

“I’m just sayin’ this floor is killing me,” Riley said, glancing at Rhett. Rhett looked around, realizing no one was around them in the room. Both Gregg and Tim were in class.

“Fine. But only for one night,” Link agreed. Rhett refused to let on how much Link’s hesitance was a sore spot for him. After they connected in the tent, removing the barriers between themselves, Rhett expected at least some of the emotional barriers would be gone, too. But they weren’t. As soon as they reached campus, or rather, as soon as they were around Gregg on the drive home, it was like they were just friends again. Link didn’t offer to sleep in a bed with Rhett, no matter how many hints Riley dropped, until now. He internally rejoiced at Link’s yes, but ached over the insistence that it was for that night and that night alone.

Rhett’s hurt increased tenfold when he laid down in the bed and Link began to construct a pillow barrier between them. That was something they hadn’t even done before they were together, and yet here they were. “What are you doing?” Rhett whispered in the dark of the room, trying his hardest not to wake Riley.

“What if someone sees?” Link asked, continuing his work.

“Riley’s seen us spoon so many times, Link. He’s not going to care if he wakes up and we’re curled up together.”

“What if Gregg or Tim come in here and see? Then what do we tell them?” Link demanded, his voice getting a little bit louder.

“That when you’ve been friends with someone for this long, you forget what barriers other people put in place?” Rhett offered. Link didn’t stop, nestling blankets around the barrier and trying to wiggle his hand under it. His compromise was that they could hold hands, but not where anyone could see, and for Rhett, it felt like a nightmare. They were in a twin bed together and the only contact Link would allow was hand-holding? What had happened to them?

“Okay, both of you shut up,” Riley sat up in his bed. “Link, move the damn pillows and cuddle with Rhett if you want to. Rhett, go lock the door and if anyone asks, I did it on accident, but no one’s going to try it. Have you seen Tim even  _ try _ to come into your room?”

Rhett couldn’t help but chuckle at how insistent Riley was, and Link smiled and agreed to what he’d suggested. “Yeah, okay. We can lock it.” Rhett tried to stifle the sigh of relief that Link was willing to curl up with him after all. Link’s body found its way into all of the comfortable, familiar spaces of Rhett’s, his arm across Rhett’s stomach, his head near Rhett’s ribcage, their legs curled in whatever ways allowed them the most contact. And yeah, just in case of the lock failing, they stayed fully clothed and careful. It didn’t matter, because Link’s fingers playing with the hem of Rhett’s shirt started to stir some things in the pit of Rhett’s stomach, making him get excited in ways he wouldn’t have usually.

While most people started to experience some of those urges and needs in high school, he and Link had been ripped apart before they’d had the chance to figure any of it out. After the camping trip, and a few other moments before that, it was like even the slightest touches started to open the floodgates for Rhett, giving him the urge to pin Link down, kiss him and press against his body. But he knew that was off-limits, especially when Link had been so hesitant to even cuddle with him. When Link moved his hand, inadvertently grazing the situation growing in Rhett’s pants, he hissed, “Rhett, we can’t!”

“I know!” Rhett inisted back, as if he could in any way control what was happening. “It just happened! I wasn’t trying to say we should.”

“Riley’s sleeping right there,” Link said, making excuses for why he couldn’t, but again, Rhett wasn’t trying to push at all.

“I  _ know,” _ he whispered again. “I’m not doing anything.” He was frustrated and annoyed at the way Link kept pressing something he couldn’t control, and he turned his back to Link.

“Hey,” Link soothed, running a hand along Rhett’s back. He kissed his shoulder gently. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Rhett. It’s just… Riley’s right there and Gregg and Tim are on the other side of that wall. Anyone could hear us.”

“Oh my  _ God,” _ Riley groaned from the other bed. “I can put some freakin’ headphones on if you two will just stop it and do what you need to do. Listening to this is way worse than listening to that would be.”

“We’re not–” Rhett started, but Riley interrupted.

“I don’t care. I already have my headphones on. Night, guys.”

With the permission Riley had given them, and the way Link felt bad for how Rhett had turned away, he slid his hand around Rhett, down his body, and made sure that at least Rhett got the satisfaction his body craved. After, Rhett slept soundly but Link laid awake, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t that he didn’t  _ want _ all of this. He did. He would have given anything to be back in Phoenix, in their own room, where he wouldn’t have hesitated in the slightest to lean in to the desires they had now that they were young adults. But here? Now? In the middle of North Carolina and all of the homophobia they faced there, Link wasn’t quite sure he was ready to face it, or ready for anyone to know.

It was those thoughts he shared with Rhett the next day, on the rare occasion they had the suite to themselves. Rhett had suggested they lock themselves in their room for the alone time, if only to kiss without anyone seeing, but Link felt the need to talk about it instead.

“You know I love you, right?” Link started.

“Yes. Should I be worried about the fact that you’re opening a conversation like this?” Had Link changed his mind about forever? Was love something important but not unbreakable for him? Rhett wasn’t sure what Link was getting at here.

“No!” Link insisted. “Forever, still. I just… last night. I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“What about it?”

“We can’t keep doing the things we’ve been doing right now, not here in the room. It was one thing when we were camping and we could have reasonably blamed it on literally anything else, but here if someone catches us, then everyone knows,” Link said.

“So?”

It was the first time Rhett had made his position completely clear. He didn’t care if anyone knew.

“So? Seriously, Rhett, you’re asking ‘so?’ Because maybe it’s just me, but I remember how it was people here who kept us apart for a year and a half. It was people here who  _ hurt _ us by keeping us apart. You had to leave your family!” Link insisted, throwing his hands in the air.

“Yeah, exactly. I left my family for the kind of freedom that let me be who I was, and now you’re saying we can’t be that? Even after I gave up everything? My scholarship, my family, my basketball career, all of it?” Rhett slumped on the bed.

“Just because your family wasn’t accepting doesn’t mean you know what it’s really like for people your age to know who you are. You got  _ lucky _ with Riley, Rhett. He doesn’t give a crap who we are, but people do still do that stuff, still hate people like us. Every single day from the day we got caught kissing to the day I graduated, people called me names under their breath. They called me slurs you can’t even imagine being called from people you know. I got shoved against lockers by people who acted like they didn’t do it on purpose. No one would sit with me except the one other gay kid at Harnett. You want to act like you know what it’s like to be discriminated against and hated for who you are, but I  _ really _ know what it’s like. Your parents aren’t in the picture anymore, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for everything you ever gave up for this. But don’t act like you know what it’s like, Rhett.”

“Don’t act like you  _ know _ what I know!” Rhett shot back, his voice getting louder. “You think nobody’s ever hurt me for being who I am?”

“Yeah, Rhett? Who hurt you for being who you are?” Link demanded. “Yeah, your family freaking sucked to you. I’m not minimizing that, but tell me one person our age who has shown you what it’s really like to let people know who you are.”

Rhett walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He couldn’t lie to Link and tell him he didn’t know, but he also couldn’t tell Link what he knew or how he knew it without crushing Link. The last thing he wanted to say, especially in the heat of an argument, was “I know because I kissed a guy who wasn’t you and he beat the crap out of me.” He’d rather let Link think he was right in that moment than ever hurt him with the truth. He sank down on the couch, sighing heavily. Leaving the room didn’t mean leaving entirely for him, it just meant that he couldn’t stay in that room and listen to Link without one of them saying something they’d both regret.

In a lot of ways, Link was right. Rhett had to deal with it for one party. Link had to deal with it for over a year. But what Link was wrong about was how Rhett felt. He had been trapped for so long in who he was, and even the hate seemed better than keeping who he was a secret any longer. Was the freedom from his family’s views, the freedom from NC State really freedom if he was still hiding in a closet to his friends and roommates here?

Rhett was lost in his thoughts, trying how to explain it to Link, to make it clear that of course he’d wait as long as Link needed to – there wasn’t really a way for Rhett to come out without it being clear to everyone that Link was with him – but that it still hurt, and that Link needed to understand that. But then, Link opened the door to their bedroom.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time, and Link sank down on the couch beside Rhett.

“I know you gave up a lot for this, and… and for us,” Link said, resting his head on Rhett’s shoulder. That was unlike him, letting his guard down in the living room, but after everything they’d said, it felt like the right thing, the comfortable thing. Link needed the physical support that came from Rhett being near him, and in that moment, he didn’t care. He needed Rhett to know he knew.

“I… I really screwed up, Link,” Rhett said. Link sat up straighter and shook his head.

“You didn’t screw anything up. It’s just a fight. That happens,” Link said, squeezing Rhett’s hand.

“No, I mean… I mean while we were apart.” Rhett hung his head, not looking at Link. He let go of Link’s hand and scooted over a little bit. “I did something stupid.”

“What do you mean?” Link’s tone got serious, his voice deeper like he wasn’t sure how to take what Rhett was saying.

“You said I’d never been hurt for being gay. I… I was, though. But it was my fault.”

“How was you getting hurt for being who you are your fault, Rhett? Anyone who is upset about–”

“Link. Listen.” Rhett looked at him, his eyes full of tears. Link shut up quickly. “Riley and I went to a party at NC State last spring. The basketball team invited us when we were visiting. There was alcohol. A lot of alcohol.” He choked on his words, looking away from Link again. “At first it was no big deal, you know? We were just there to have fun, Riley brought his girlfriend, it was all okay.” For a long time, Rhett was silent, searching for the words to say.

“What happened?”

“I got too drunk. I mean, really drunk. I missed you, Link. I… it had been a long time. I had this worry, all this stuff going on in my head. What if you didn’t want me when we saw each other again? What if it had been too long? What if you’d moved on or if we’d grown apart? We were going different places, different schools, leading different lives. I panicked.”

Link could feel where this was going, the pit in his stomach and the lump in his throat growing. He wanted to run away from Rhett, to cover his ears and not hear the rest, like if he didn’t listen, none of this was happening.

“There was a guy from the team. He looked so much like you, Link. So much.” Rhett paused and took a deep breath. The tears flowed easily down his face and he choked on his words again. “He kept flirting and makin’ me feel like he was into it. You know? He kept pushing for it.”

“What’d you… um…” Link couldn’t finish the sentence. He felt betrayed and hurt, his jaw clenching and his veins protruding in his arms from the way he wrung his hands.

“I… I kissed him. Or, he kissed me. He led me down a hallway and he was all over me and I didn’t push him away. I know I should have, and I’m so, so sorry, Link. Please, please forgive me for it. It had been so long, gosh, I’m so sorry. I’m… he… someone came and… and he acted like it was all me. He made it seem like I came onto him. The next thing I knew I was on the floor and he was beating me. I probably should’ve gotten stitches, but that would have meant I had to explain it.”

“Oh my gosh,” Link said. Any anger he had toward Rhett, any hurt he had for the betrayal, was now anger at whoever hurt him. It was fury and hurt and anger at himself for not being there. “He hurt you?”

“I told my parents I ran into a light pole,” Rhett sucked in air, an incredulous, hurt laugh when he was crying too hard to breathe properly. “I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to tell you. And then I didn’t see you for a month after it happened. By the time I saw you, I was scared to say it. I was scared to tell you that I’d screwed up.”

“But he hurt you?” Link fixated on that point. If he let himself focus on the rest, on the betrayal, a part of him might have been angry at Rhett for doing what he did. But he knew how long it had been, how much they’d ached, and part of him couldn’t blame Rhett for doing something else.

“I just wanted it to be you,” Rhett said. He cried harder, his words broken and hard to understand now. Link might not have been able to understand him at all if they hadn’t shared the close bond they did. “I needed it to… I missed you so much. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry,” Rhett repeated.

“Shhh,” Link soothed, wiping the tears from his face. “If I ever find out who it is, I will  _ kill _ him,” he hissed. “I can’t believe he hurt you. I will seriously destroy his life,” Link swore.

“It’s over, Link. I’m not at school there. We don’t have to see him. It’s okay.” He hiccuped through the tears, his whole body shaking. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.

“But he  _ hurt _ you!” Link’s voice was almost shrill.

“I know we can get hurt for telling people. I know that. He… it… I was so scared,” he said. “I just feel like I fought so hard. I went through that, I lost my family, I… all I’ve got is you, Link. Unless you hate me now,” Rhett hiccuped again.

“I don’t hate you.” He took Rhett’s face in his hands and kissed his tears, leaning his forehead against Rhett’s.“It sucks. It all sucks. It sucked being apart and it sucked what we had to do. It sucked that your family couldn’t accept it and now it sucks that someone hurt you. And that’s why I’m scared, Rhett. I’m so scared. What if we tell somebody and it happens again?”

“So we’re just going to wait and be scared forever? What if we tell people and we worried for nothing, kept quiet for nothing, and could have been with each other for the whole world to see the whole time?” Rhett pushed back, his head still against Link’s and his eyes closing.

“It’s… it’s North Carolina, Rhett.” That was all Link had to say. It was North Carolina. Their family, the society they lived in, their friends, it all said what it needed to.

“Okay. We’ll wait.”

“You really okay with that?”

Rhett wasn’t, but he’d have to be. So much of him wanted to be open and honest, to stop hiding what they were, but Link’s comfort, Link being by his side, it was all more important than being open right now. They had a lifetime ahead of them to be who they were, but right now, they couldn’t, and that would have to be okay. “It sucks,” Rhett admitted. “It sucks that I can walk to class and see a dozen guys holding hands with their girlfriends or kissing on the lawn or whatever else, and I can’t do that with you.”

“I know it sucks. And… and I think I’ll be ready eventually, if that helps. I’m not going to make you wait until senior year or anything. But… but you’ve seen how Tim is. Do you think we’d even be all that  _ safe _ living here if we were out?” Link asked.

“I mean, if Gregg doesn’t hate us for it, then the four of us are collectively strong enough to toss him out that, uh, that wind-”

“Rhett!” Link cut him off, laughing. It was good to see Link laugh, Rhett thought, and it was impossible not to laugh himself. Laughter was something they did well together, something they’d done all their lives, especially when things sucked. It would have to work now, help him cope with the idea that he had to wait a little longer for freedom. Link calmed his laughter, a chuckle or two still escaping, and leaned into him. He glanced up at Rhett and calmed down. “Thanks for waiting,” he said.

“We’ve got forever anyway,” Rhett answered. Link leaned in, kissing him and brushing Rhett’s cheek with his hand. It was soft, apologetic. He didn’t like when they’d have fights like that one, arguments about important things. It was never ideal for Link to not be himself, but he hoped Rhett could understand where he was coming from. Link didn’t want to be the gay kid at school anymore. He’d been that once. Link just wanted to be Link, be himself, without the rest. Rhett kissed back, his hand on Link’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Link was melting into it, loving the contact they often went so long without having.

“I missed this,” Link said, peppering kisses on Rhett’s lips between words.

“Me, too,” Rhett said, kissing him back. Even in the room with Riley, they were sometimes so nervous to even share a goodnight kiss for fear Gregg might walk in with a question about who left a bath towel on the floor or something. But here, they were alone, at least for a little bit. Neither of them hesitated right now, kissing slowly and softly.

“Oh my God.” Gregg opened the door to the scene, dropping his bag on the floor, and as Rhett and Link jerked apart, Gregg’s eyes were wide.


	7. Early November 1996, part 2

_ Early November 1996 _

“Wait, so… so you two… you’re…” Gregg stammered and dragged a desk chair in front of them. Anyone looking at the scene would have thought it was an interrogation, the way Gregg was leaned forward, him on one side, the two of them a united front on the other.

“Yeah,” Link confessed. He knew it had to be him who said it. After they’d just talked about not being open about it on campus, Rhett wasn’t about to answer the question and say something. If Link needed to, Rhett would have gone along with any story Link came up with. But Link told the truth. “Yeah. We’re… together.”

“Is this because we put you two in the same tent on the camping trip? Because if that’s what–”

“No,” Link shook his head. “It’s been like this since junior year.” The last thing Link wanted was Gregg somehow blaming himself for putting them in a tent and turning them gay for each other. That wasn’t what had happened. It had been them all along, written on each other’s hearts. Meant to be. The thought of a tent being the only reason was almost laughable.

“You’ve been dating for two years and haven’t told anyone?” Gregg asked, shocked.

“We’ve… I mean…” Rhett stammered. Link reached over and took his hand. The cat was out of the bag now, at least with Gregg, so it seemed silly not to calm Rhett’s nerves in the best way he knew how. “A few people know, just no one here on campus. Riley knows, mostly because when I left home last year, he’s the only place I had to go.” That wasn’t entirely true. Riley had known before that, had known with enough time to help them see each other that Halloween, even.

“Our families… my family knows,” Link said, correcting himself. Rhett’s family knew, too, but that was the problem. They didn’t discuss his family much outside of arguments now.

“So you told Riley but not me?” Gregg asked, scratching at the little bit of scruff on his chin.

“We weren’t entirely sure how you or Tim would take it,” Link said.

“It might be weird, living with, uh… you know,” Rhett shrugged.

“Oh.” If anything, Gregg didn’t seem bothered by the news. He just seemed a little bit sad that they hadn’t told him. But it was Rhett’s turn to be sad when Link spoke again.

“If you could, uh… if you could keep it kind of between us, that’d be good. We’re not really sure who we’re ready to tell yet.”

_ We. _ Rhett looked down at his lap and picked at a loose thread on his tee shirt with his free hand. If it were up to him, they’d have already told everyone. But it wasn’t up to him and it didn’t impact just him. He looked at Gregg and nodded in agreement with Link. “We just want to make sure we tell everyone at the right time, you know? Plus, um. I’m not really sure how to read Tim on the whole thing.”

“Is this, uh, is this weird for you?” Link asked.

Gregg hesitated to answer, picking at his cuticles with his teeth, then looked at Link. “Will it um… is it rude if I say it’s a little bit weird?” He turned his attention on his wrist and started playing with his watch. “I mean, whatever y’all do is your business but… but I’m just wondering if… I mean, are you guys going to, uh, kiss and stuff out here? Like you were doin’?”

“Probably not,” Rhett said. It wasn’t that he wasn’t okay with doing it. After all, he couldn’t imagine Tim or Gregg either one hiding a girlfriend and kissing only in private. But if it made Gregg uncomfortable, then they’d accommodate him.

“And you’re… you’re together, so you’re not, uh…” Gregg stammered.

“We’re not actively recruiting, don’t worry,” Link said, deadpan. As if it could ever be contagious or something.

“Okay. Well, I, um. I’m going to go study now,” Gregg said, standing and picking his bag up. As he walked to the room he shared with Tim, bag in hand, he turned back to them. “Uh, Rhett?”

“Yeah?”

“When this was your bed, you two never, uh… did you ever have sex in it?” He furrowed his brow.

“No, we didn’t.” Rhett wasn’t about to count the time before Tim had shown up that they’d pushed themselves close, taken advantage of the time alone. They’d never done anything Tim needed to worry about, so he shook his head firmly. Gregg nodded and walked into his room.

Before Rhett and Link could talk things through, Gregg peeked his head out again. “When you guys, uh, when you do that, who is the um… who’s the guy?”

“We’re both guys,” Link said.

“Yeah, but I mean, when you… when you…” Gregg stepped out of the room and lifted his hands, making a circle with his fingers and pushing his other finger through it suggestively. Both of them blinked at him, unsure of how to reply. “Oh, was that, uh… that was probably inappropriate.” The realization seemed to dawn on him suddenly, his thought that their reaction was based on his question rather than the fact that they hadn’t even considered how they’d do that when they were ready. Like anything else, they both seemed to assume they’d figure it out. “I’m… I’m going to go study,” Gregg said again, going back into the room.

Link knew they were alone, knew that Gregg was in his room and the cat was out of the bag anyway. It was risky, because they’d been caught once, but Link was still reeling from everything Rhett had told him. As much as Link hadn’t wanted anyone to know, he had to admit Gregg walking in was the best way to give them a few moments to breathe, to calm down and focus again. Link turned to Rhett and ran his fingers through Rhett’s hair as he turned Rhett to face him. “Hey. About everything? It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Rhett said again, and Link kissed him.

“Let’s just move on from it, okay? It was a dumb, drunk thing, right?” His voice shook a little mentioning it again. It still hurt, even under the circumstances. Rhett nodded. “So it isn’t worth us making a huge deal of it, then, right?” Rhett shook his head. He’d been so scared to tell Link, so certain it would mean the end of them. The longer he’d waited, the worse it seemed, because it felt like he’d been hiding it. In a lot of ways, he had. Link took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I’m still going to break his freakin’ face if I ever see him.”

* * *

“Why’re you knocking on the door to our own dorm before goin’ in?” Tim asked, standing outside as Gregg opened the door.

“Because it’s polite,” Gregg said, shuffling his feet as he went inside. “Y’know, in case someone is sleepin’ on the couch or something and we startle them.”

“Loser,” Tim mumbled under his breath. Rhett and Link had been careful. Gregg hadn’t caught them again since the first time he saw them kissing. But there was that lingering worry since they’d asked him not to tell Tim, that fear that if he didn’t knock, somehow Tim would walk right in and see. But today, the dorm was empty, not a trace of them around until an hour later, when Rhett stumbled in upset.

“You okay?” Gregg asked, looking up from a textbook he was reading.

“Fine,” Rhett said, stomping to his room and slamming the door. It only took minutes for Link to scurry in after, and Gregg watched as he knocked softly on the door, then entered, head hung low. He didn’t know what was going on, but it didn’t seem good. Part of him was tempted to press his ear to the door, but the other part wanted to give them some space. They clearly needed privacy at the moment.

Inside the room, Rhett was thankful the walls were just thick enough to cover what sobs his pillow didn’t muffle. Link slumped down on the bed next to him. “I’m sorry.” Rhett didn’t answer. “Rhett, please. I… it just came out. I didn’t mean it.”

“You did. It’s because it just came out that you obviously meant it,” Rhett said, words still muffled by the way he barely lifted his face to say it. Link placed a hand on his arm and he jerked away. “Can you just give me some time?”

“Rhett,” Link said gently.

“Stop being a hypocrite!” Rhett snapped, sitting up now and swiping at his face.

“A hypocrite? I never got drunk and kissed someone what wasn’t my boyfriend!” Link snapped back, trying to be aware of his volume so Tim wouldn’t hear.

“You kissed Jacob,” Rhett recalled.

“Jacob kissed  _ me _ ,” Link said. “That was ages ago, one time, and at least I  _ told _ you it happened! You can’t sit here and throw that in my face when I had nothing to do with it!”

“Oh, yeah, Link the Senior mentoring a little gay freshman. Like you didn’t lead him on at all. Come  _ on. _ ” Rhett scowled.

“Rhett, it was only ever you for me. How do you not get that?” Link said. “It’s only  _ ever _ been you. From day one it’s been you and me, so why are you even doing this right now?”

“Because things have clearly changed since then. I’m not stupid, Link. I see that look on your face every time you have to pay the check or anytime I have to borrow the car. Rhett the worthless boyfriend, always relying on Link. Don’t think I don’t see it.”

“I don’t want to say it’s all in your head because that seems crappy, but seriously, that is  _ all _ in your head. If I didn’t want you borrowing the truck, you wouldn’t have the dang spare key! And if it was an issue for me to pay the check, why the heck do you think I pick it up? And now you’ve got this stupid idea that I would ever –  _ ever _ – be flirting with someone else. Why? Because I got some stupid notes for a test? What is even with you lately? It’s like you’re not even the same person anymore!” Link spat.

“If I’m not the same person, then why would you still want to be with me?” Rhett cried out, no longer worrying about his volume. Link reached out and clapped a hand over Rhett’s mouth, then let go, seeing that he immediately got the message.

This time, Link hissed a whisper back. “Because we’ve always changed and it’s always been okay!” He lifted his voice to almost a normal speaking volume. “You’ve changed. I’ve changed. We’ve changed together. Think about it, Rhett. We were kids who were best friends. And we changed because we had to. We ran away together and we changed into these… these people tryin’ to be adults. We did that. And then we changed again because we fell in love with each other. And then we changed even more because we had to go home and figure out how to even  _ do _ that, be us here. And we did it, Rhett. Every step of the way we did it, we changed together. And I still want to be with you because we’re still changing together. And yeah, you kissing someone else freakin’ hurts because you were always supposed to be my… my person. The last person I was ever gonna kiss for the first time. I was really freakin’ mad at Jacob for kissing me! I didn’t tell him, but it really ticked me off that he took that from me and I’ve had to mentally  _ fight _ with myself to make the next kiss I had with you count instead of that one. But you know what? Forget the stupid kiss. Forget that guy. If we’re not stronger than that, then what are we even doing now?” He broke down and slumped onto the bed next to Rhett. “Is this even still what you want?”

Rhett wrapped an arm around Link. “It’s always been what I wanted. But you can’t keep throwing it in my face. Trust me, I’ve beaten myself up over it since it happened. But I told you and I thought you forgave me. I banked on that, that I didn’t have to hate myself every single day because you didn’t hate me!”

“I  _ don’t _ hate you! I’m just… I… I thought I was over it and yeah, maybe I am. But… I don’t know. I’m sad, Rhett.” Link hung his head and watched as Rhett nudged his foot with his own.

“I am, too. I’m sad that we keep fighting. I’m sad that we’re… I don’t know, Link. I’m sad that all of this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Not us specifically. All of it. School. Living without my parents’ help. Tryin’ to accept  _ your _ help. It’s all a lot,” Rhett confessed.

“I just don’t get why it’s all different now. Before it was easy. We both shared everything and you’re changing it now and… and….” Link didn’t know what else to say.

“I know. I don’t know why it’s all so messed up. I don’t want it to be.”

“You think we’ll ever get back to normal?” Link sighed.

“Yeah. I think we will. I mean, forever, right?” Rhett asked, looking Link in the eyes now. He hooked his finger in the ring Link wore around his neck on a chain.

“Forever,” Link said, a cockeyed, sad smile playing on his lips. He leaned forward, kissing Rhett.

“Hey, Link?” Rhett asked, pulling back. “If I have any say in it, you’re gonna be the only person I ever kiss again, okay? I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry.”

“I won’t bring it up like that again, not when we’re mad about other stuff and dealing with it. It still hurts, you know? But that was crummy. I’m sorry.” He apologized. The last thing he wanted was for them to go to bed angry. Instead, they curled up in a ball. Riley wasn’t there for the night, but it didn’t matter. They were going to share the bed anyway, safely behind a locked door that Tim wouldn’t enter. They needed the closeness. Rhett kissed the places behind Link’s ear, promising him the world, and Link accepted, looking back at Rhett to take a kiss. Mostly, though, they cried. They cried over time apart. They cried over promises they broke to each other. They cried over the things and dreams and people they’d lost along the way to figuring out who they were together. And they cried over what the future would bring. They kissed and they cried and they held each other until neither of them could stay awake another second.


	8. December 17, 1996

_ December 17, 1996 _

“Never have I ever, um… gosh, I can’t think of one,” Link stalled, his head a little fuzzy, “never have I ever done a striptease.” Riley took a sip, pacing himself this far into the game. “Are you serious?” Link nodded toward him, halfway unconvinced.

“Dead serious,” he winked. “Sounds like Rhett’s really missing out.” All four of them laughed at that, various types of laughter from Rhett’s nervous snicker to Gregg’s incredulous guffaw. “Want me to teach you?” Riley reached up to the neckline of his shirt, his words slurring slightly.

“Keep your clothes on and ask a question,” Rhett snarked back.

“Well, none of you are any fun, obviously. Never have I ever made out with my best friend,” Riley said.

“Cheap shot, man,” Link said, catching Rhett’s eye as he took a drink.

They’d been playing for over an hour now, going around, and part of Link was surprised it hadn’t come up sooner. It was safe for it to now. Tim was already headed home for the holidays and it was only the four of them in the room for two more nights. After that, Gregg would be flying back home, Riley would be making the drive back to Raleigh, and Link would be taking Rhett back to Buies Creek. There’d been a debate about where Rhett was going to spend the holidays, with Riley or with Link. Link’s mom loved Rhett, but hated the idea of him not going to his parents’ house when he was in Buies Creek, no matter how much he made it clear it wasn’t an option. And Riley’s parents wanted the holiday to be family-only. It was understandable, but it left Rhett feeling like he wasn’t fully welcome anywhere. For a few days, he’d toyed around with the idea of just staying on-campus altogether until he found out they turned the heaters off during break. He’d considered it even then, knowing he could grab extra blankets, but with no car and the entire campus essentially being shut down, he had to make a choice. Even a hotel within walking distance of the things he needed wasn’t an option. The last thing he could afford was a hotel for two and a half weeks before classes resumed again, even with his on-campus job.

“Never have I ever been in handcuffs,” Gregg said, and Riley and Link both took a sip. They’d started on shots but only four rounds in realized that things were dissolving quickly, the idea of too much to drink too fast hitting them hard as they switched to beers.

“Thought the idea of this whole thing was to get  _ Link _ drunk, not me,” Riley said, snapping Link out of the harsh memories of the time he’d been in handcuffs. It had been the worst day of his life, but also the best. The night he and Rhett had promised forever together, the first time they’d really, truly gotten physical, the way they’d held each other with the promise of a new future in LA, it was all beautiful. But then hours after they’d been ripped apart, sent back home with Link in handcuffs, and started spiraling downward as they were barred from seeing each other at all for so long. Riley seemed to be laughing, though, a better memory in mind, and Link tried to brush it off.

“Getting  _ me _ drunk? Why?” Link asked.

“You’re the only one of us who hasn’t been,” Riley said, snickering. “We gotta find out what Drinky Linky looks like, don’t we?”

“When’s Rhett been– nevermind…” Link trailed off. He knew exactly when, the one and only time Rhett had been drunk, and he hadn’t been there for it. “Never have I ever been drunk.” Everyone begrudgingly drank except for Link. Instead, Link draped himself across Rhett’s lap, leaning into him and kissing his neck. He was drunk enough to let go of his inhibitions and try to make out with Rhett right here, right now, unbothered by Gregg’s muttering of “get a room.” Rhett chuckled a little, embarrassed as he pulled Link back just a little bit, trying to reposition him.

Not only was Link getting far past the point of tipsy, but they were also starting to run out of questions. Unfortunately, they’d run out of sense to know better about when to stop the game. “Never have I ever, uh…” Rhett paused and tried to think of something he could use, then blushed as he looked at the floor between them. “Never have I ever humped a mattress,” he shrugged. Riley and Gregg didn’t hesitate to drink, but Link wasn’t paying attention, trying to kiss Rhett again. Gregg nudged him with his foot.

“You have to drink, too, buddy,” he said.

“What? I do not!” Link protested. “I’ve never done that.” Gregg realized he’d heard the question after all. He just didn’t think it applied to him.

“Yes, you have,” Riley insisted. “You do it in your sleep all the time!”

Link’s face turned flame-red and he turned to Rhett, hoping for a denial, but Rhett gave a small nod and smile. “You kinda do, actually.” Link rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, then took a sip. Rhett took one, too.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Riley said. “This is Never Have I Ever, not Drunk Confessions. You can’t drink on your own question!”

“Well, I didn’t think I had, but then every single one of you have, and y’all looked at me, so I thought maybe I did, too?” he shrugged with a small grin.

“Whatever, man,” Riley said. “Gregg, you’re up.” Link laid his head in Rhett’s lap and Rhett ran his fingers through Link’s hair.

He leaned down and whispered “you want to go to bed?” to Link, but got a shake of the head, a clear no. Link wanted to keep playing, and as long as they were safe in their dorm, Rhett didn’t see a reason why he shouldn’t get to.

Gregg took a long exhale, trying to think of a question that would potentially get Link even drunker, because Riley was noting aloud how Link was a clingy drunk, and how funny it was to see someone who was building a pillow wall between him and his boyfriend sober was all over him while intoxicated. “Good thing Tim isn’t here,” Gregg chuckled, well aware of the pillow incident by this point. “Never have I ever… kissed a total stranger?” It was a long shot, but if they were being fair, it didn’t matter if Link had to drink again on that question. He was clearly drunk. He sat up, watching Riley’s eyes flash up to Rhett with a look on his face.

“You  _ knew?” _ Link asked, glaring at Riley, but Riley ignored the question, taking a drink as Rhett took one, too. “Seriously, Riley, you knew and didn’t tell me?” Riley didn’t look him in the eye, instead trying to think of a question quickly to change the subject. Gregg was confused, muttering “knew what?” under his breath.

“Never have I ever–” Riley started.

“Never have I ever kept a secret from one of my closest friends,  _ Riley,” _ Link said, staring him down.

“Really?” Gregg asked. “Guess I’m not one of your best friends, then, because y’all sure as heck kept  _ that–” _ he waved back and forth between Rhett and Link “–pretty darn secret from me. But cool, point taken, I guess.”

“Gregg!” Link protested, realizing he’d slipped up in trying to get a dig in at Riley. “You know what? Whatever, I’m going to bed,” Link said, moving to his feet and stumbling toward the door of his room. His foot had fallen asleep sitting there and now, intoxicated, he struggled even more to walk as the pins and needles overtook his leg. “Ow,” he grumbled, bumping into the door frame and falling onto the bed as soon as he reached it.

“You mad at me?” Rhett asked, laying down beside him. “About the kiss, I mean.”

“No. I mean, I am, but I’m not. We talked it out,” Link grumbled. “I’m mad that he didn’t tell me. We’re s’posed to be friends.” Link pouted, looking more childlike than Rhett had seen him in ages.

“Link,” Rhett comforted. “You’re friends, come on… He really did try to hel–”

“Shh,” Link said, turning toward Rhett and then standing up. “I have an idea.” Link was clearly not focused, not really listening, and Rhett wasn’t even sure that he would remember much of what was said in the morning as it was.

“What’s your idea? Coming to bed and sleeping? I agree, great plan,” Rhett said, then took Link’s hand, trying to urge him back into the bed. Instead, Link yanked Rhett’s hand, hard, so hard he almost fell forward out of the bed.

“Nope. Come here. I need… hmm… I need… this!” he said, grabbing a chair and scooting it across the floor. “Sit,” he commanded. Rhett looked up at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Sit!” Link urged.

“You could say please,” Rhett said.

“Sit,  _ please,” _ Link said, exaggerating the word and waggling his head, pointing at the chair like an impatient toddler. Rhett shook his head and smirked, standing up and relocating to the chair.

“What are you doing, Link?” he asked, but Link didn’t answer, instead widely spreading his legs and trying to shift himself forward until he was hovering over Rhett’s legs. He stumbled along, losing balance with Rhett putting a hand on his hip to keep him steady. “Easy, there.”

“I’m– oh, crap! I don’t have music. Dang it!” Link realized, furrowing his brow. The thought of trying to get music turned on left him overwhelmed so he shook his head, trying to hum some sort of tune.

“Link,” Rhett said, putting a hand on the side of his face. “What are you doing?” He repeated the question.

“A striptease!” he said. “I never did one and I really want to. I want to do that for you.” He pouted again, sticking his tongue out. “I want to make you feel really good, Rhett, and I want you to look at me like that sometime, like… like people look at people when they strip? I don’t know.” His thoughts were fuzzy and his brain was cluttered with too much to say at one time, so he shook his head and tried to focus, putting Rhett’s hands on his chest and using Rhett’s hands to slide his shirt up while he wiggled his hips. The process proved to be too much for his uncoordinated body, so Rhett tried to take over, but Link insisted, holding tightly to Rhett’s hands for balance like he was begging him not to let go. Rhett tried to stay planted in the chair and not let Link pull them both out of it, but it was getting harder as Link would lean back a little bit. Finally, his shirt was off and Rhett kissed his stomach gently, the only part of Rhett near enough his lips to reach.

“How about you give me this striptease sometime when you’re sobered up, baby? Let’s get you to bed.” Rhett patted Link’s hip.

“No!” Link yelled, then lowered his volume a little bit. “No. You never let me do anything naughty. Please, Rhett, please let me be a naughty boy?” Rhett had to do everything he could not to laugh at Link then. He was being so uncharacteristically flirty, so obnoxiously sexual to the point Rhett wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to it. Link was insistent, though, hands on the button of his jeans, and Rhett realized the quickest way to get Link into bed was through the awkward stripteae.

“Alright, Naughty Boy, do your worst,” Rhett chuckled. He didn’t  _ dislike _ the attention Link was giving, the way he was behaving. After all, it wasn’t that often his boyfriend was right there, rubbing against his lap, serving his body up on a silver platter for Rhett to stare at. “When you sober up, you’re going to be so mad at yourself,” Rhett mumbled, helping Link unfasten his jeans when his fingers proved too much to untangle.

“No I won’t,” Link said, slowly sliding his pants down his waist and turning his body, trying to get the jeans off without tripping on them. He hovered over Rhett’s lap, sitting but somehow not touching Rhett, reaching back to hold onto the chair to keep his balance as he ground against Rhett. “I’m sad. I’m sad we can’t be like this all the time, that it can’t be the four of us who already know and I can be who I wanna be with you.” Link’s lips were loose now, the alcohol cutting through his usual anxiety over everything. “I want us to hold hands at dinner like everybody else and I want to flirt with you.”

“You don’t want that,” Rhett reminded him. Rhett had pushed for it, darn near begged for it, and Link had resisted so much, saying how bad high school had been for him when he’d been forced out of the closet.

“I do,” Link said, feeling Rhett harden beneath them. “I don’t want to lie anymore. When we come back from break, I want everybody to know.”

“Let’s talk about it when you’re sober,” Rhett said, his voice catching in his throat. He wouldn’t hold Link to this drunken promise, not when he’d been so adamantly against it before. He could hope and pray Link would feel this way after break, but he wouldn’t hold his breath at all. “Right now, I’m just enjoying this.” Rhett wasn’t sure he was truly enjoying it, though, not as much as he would had Link really been seeming to do it of his own volition. Tonight, it seemed like an offhanded suggestion from Riley’s confession and a whole lot of alcohol pushing him to it. But then, he wondered if Link would ever do something drunk that he didn’t want to do when he was sober. If anything, the alcohol only made him more honest and free in ways his usually guarded personality kept him from. So Rhett dropped the guilt as much as he could and watched his boyfriend remove clothing until he was in his boxers, turning again to thrust his hips up toward Rhett’s face until he’d almost fallen backwards, with Rhett’s arms wrapping around him to catch him and pull him close.

This time after almost falling, Link took the safe route and sat down on Rhett’s lap, straddling him as Rhett continued to hold him, chest-to-chest, body-to-body. From this angle, Link was as tall as he was, their bodies aligned when Link sat on his lap. Rhett kissed him, then nuzzled his nose in Link’s neck. “Love you,” he said, and Link gave Rhett a squeeze in response.

“Forever?”

“Forever. You ready for bed?” Link’s body was getting heavier in Rhett’s lap and it was clear he was dangerously close to falling asleep right there if Rhett wasn’t careful. But Link nodded this time, agreeing to go to bed, and Rhett guided him there, laying him down. Not bothering to add any of his clothes back on him, he instead wrapped the blanket around him and slipped out of the room in search of water. When Link woke, he’d probably be thirsty.

Just outside of the room, he ran into Riley. “Gosh, I was just coming to talk to you,” Riley said. “Is Link seriously mad at me over not telling him?”

“Hey, he’s gonna get over it. Just give him some time,” Rhett answered, giving Riley’s arm a small squeeze. “When he’s sober, I’ll try telling him again, but once he finds out you both have a common enemy, he’ll be cool with you again. He told me he wanted to beat the crap out of that guy, and you took care of it, so it’ll be alright.”

“He doing okay?” Riley asked. Concern hit him suddenly, in a way it didn’t when it had been fun to try to get Link drunk.

“Yeah, except thanks to you, he tried to do a striptease for me.” Rhett rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks to me. You  _ should _ be thanking me. Your boyfriend stripped for you? You owe me major thanks for that,” Riley laughed.

“Trust me, this wasn’t something to thank you for. He’s asleep now, though. I’m just grabbing a drink and heading to bed. Night, man.”

“Night,” Riley answered, heading back to his room. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, next time we drink, try not to plant any ideas in my boyfriend’s head? More fun when he thinks of it on his own…” Rhett answered, chuckling again. It hadn’t been all bad. Link was the most gorgeous human being he’d ever laid eyes on. But next time, he really did hope Link had the idea on his own, and was a little more sober when it happened.

Back in the room, Link was snoring. Because Tim was gone and Riley was crashing in his bed, it meant he and Rhett had the room to themselves, at least for the next day or two. Rhett curled his body around Link’s holding him closely. He kissed his neck. “Forever,” he promised, and Link was far too asleep to answer him. It didn’t matter. He knew how Link would have replied, and in that moment, whether or not they ended up coming out to everyone after break, Rhett knew they were both in this for the long haul.


	9. December 23, 1996

Link sat at the kitchen table, shoveling cereal into his mouth and nudging his foot against Rhett’s. “So, what about church? Are we not doing that this year?” Link asked.

“I think it’s better if we don’t, sweetie,” she answered. Link figured he could understand that. His mother still avoided church more often than not, avoided the contact with Rhett’s parents, since they attended the same place. She’d only gone a few times since Link got back from Los Angeles even, but Christmas seemed like the kind of time she’d attend again. Instead, she’d decided against it.

“Anyone coming for Christmas? You haven’t mentioned anybody,” he said. Usually his grandparents came, maybe an aunt or an uncle, a friend from work who didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Not this year,” she said. “It’s okay. We can keep things quiet.”

“No one’s coming? Not even Nana?” Link asked, furrowing his brow. “Nobody?”

“Link, it’s… it’s just a challenging year this year. They’ve all been very understanding and supportive, but… but I think we all kind of expected that this was something you’d grow out of. It’s one thing for us to spend Christmas with you, but… but for you both to be so… so close still, it’s… you can’t entirely blame them for needing some time to process that,” she said, looking down at the floor.

“Oh, so basically you thought I’d get to college and meet a girl and break up with Rhett and not be gay anymore? Is that what everyone thought was going to happen? That’d I’d get more time alone with my boyfriend than I’ve had in a year and I’d suddenly decide I didn’t want to be with him?”

“Link,” his mom cautioned. “All I want is for you to be happy. If Rhett makes you happy, fine, but we aren’t going to push everyone else to be okay with this. It’s just going to be a smaller Christmas. That doesn’t mean it  _ won’t _ be Christmas.”

“Yeah, okay, thanks,” Link mumbled, picking up his bowl and draining the milk from it before pushing back from the table. “Rhett and I are going to go for a drive.”

“Be safe,” she said, shaking her head a little bit. Even though his mother had been as supportive as she could be, Link still felt the lingering disapproval from her, like she wished he weren’t with Rhett as much as everybody else did.

In the truck, Link’s frustration was palpable. Rhett took his hand, but Link gripped back a little too hard, jerking the car around at turns, his jaw clenched tightly. Rhett tried to smooth his thumb over Link’s hand but it seemed to make no difference. He wasn’t talking, instead turning up the music, the radio tuned to whatever station was playing Christmas songs locally.

“Are you okay?” Rhett asked.

“I’m fine,” he said, his jaw still clenched as he answered. “It’s fine.”

It was obvious he wasn’t fine, obvious the discussion that morning had hurt him, and Rhett wasn’t sure how to fix it. After all, he’d gone almost two years without his family supporting them being together, and even longer than that with a family who didn’t support anything he did, it seemed. His own brother hadn’t spoken to him since before he’d left town. Even over the one Christmas he’d been back, Cole sat as far away from him as he could and didn’t speak the entire break. Rhett understood families being cold, but he hated the idea that Link had to face it now. Link whipped the truck into the parking lot of the grocery store, slamming it into park and slamming his hand on the steering wheel.

Rhett pulled him into his arms. “Shhh, shh, baby, come here, talk to me,” he said, scooting into the middle seat to hold Link tighter. Link buried his face into Rhett’s neck, sobbing.

“They’re ashamed of me,” he said, body shaking no matter how tightly Rhett held him. “They… they don’t even want to spend one freakin’ dinner with me because of it.” It, Rhett figured, meant all of this. Their love for each other, the fact that they were still together, but mostly the fact that Rhett was here and not somewhere else for dinner. Link’s mom surprised Rhett by not asking if he was going to call home. It seemed anytime they’d visit, even for a weekend, she’d ask him to call his parents. He always said no. In a way, her not asking was like a Christmas present of sorts, the idea that she was finally accepting that he wasn’t going back there.

“Link,” Rhett said his name reassuringly, like he was trying to snap Link out of the sorrow he was in, then brushed hair away from his eyes and kissed him. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Link shook his head, burying his face against Rhett’s shoulder again. “I want to be in Phoenix,” Link mumbled. “I want to have Christmas with family.”

“What do you mean?” Rhett asked.

“I want to have Christmas like we did in LA where this stuff didn’t matter, and I want to have family like we did in Phoenix on Thanksgiving. Like nobody cared that we were together, you know?” Link lifted his head up, sniffling.

“You’ve got family here,” Rhett reminded him. “I’m right here. Your mom’s here. We can go in and get a calling card and at least tell Mama Cheryl Merry Christmas, right? I know it’s not quite the same, but… but it’s something.” Link nodded and took the keys out of the ignition, letting Rhett kiss the tears off of his cheek. “Going in?” he asked, and Link nodded again. He was worried if he said something, the tears would spill over again.

Somehow, losing so much only made Link bolder. Rhett had been certain the conversation with his mother would make Link rethink the drunken statements he’d made, the ideas he wanted to be open and more himself the following semester, but Link had stuck to the statements and now, despite his sadness, he reached out and held Rhett’s hand. Rhett recalled the time at this very store they’d run into each other, first when he was with his mother, and the second time, when they’d raced to the bathroom for just a few moments alone. Now, they weren’t sneaking. They were walking inside holding hands, something he’d never seen anyone in this town do before, not two men at least. But Rhett wasn’t worried. The worst that could happen, he figured, was that someone would tell his family. Big deal. He’d already lost them long ago.

Link held his hand tighter as he wove his way through the store, carrying the shopping basket on his free arm. He made a beeline for the refrigerated section, placing two rolls of refrigerated cookie dough in the cart. From there, he dragged Rhett along to the frosting aisle, picking up a few colors of it and containers of sprinkles. “If no one else is gonna do Christmas, then I’m going to, at least,” he muttered to himself.

“Hey,” Rhett turned Link to face him, looking at him seriously. “ _ We _ are going to do Christmas. You’ve still got your mom, but mostly, you’ve still got me, just like I said in the truck. We had a good Christmas when it was just the two of us and the three of us can only make it a better one.”

“We had a good Christmas until–” Link started, but Rhett kissed him, stopping the flood of words from his mouth. He didn’t want to think about what happened after their good Christmas, how the Christmas Eve that held so much love and promises and even their first real intimacy was shattered by being dragged back home to a world that would rather keep their love quiet. Now wasn’t the time or place to drag up those memories.

“Rhett?” Rhett turned to face the voice calling after him, but as soon as he saw who it came from, he turned his back and pulled Link around the corner to another aisle.

“We should get some more cereal,” Rhett said.

“But that was–”

“Yeah, I know, it was Cole. I’m not… I’m not going to talk to him,” Rhett said, staring down the cereal and refusing to look at Link. Now, it was Rhett’s time to grip his hand tighter.

“Rhett, come on,” Cole said, finding him down another aisle. “I need to talk to you.”

“No,” Rhett said, turning around. “You had over a year to talk to me and you didn’t. There’s nothing to say now.” Rhett grabbed Link’s wrist and tugged him along, away from Cole, but Cole kept following.

“Rhett, stop. Seriously, this… this has to stop. You’re an adult now, don’t you get that? Grow up and come home already, drop all of this. You can’t possibly be happy, can you? Mom needs you back home. I, jeez, Rhett, you really think this is what you want for your life? You could get arrested for what you’re–”

“Cole, shut up. Being in law school doesn’t give you license to tell me how to run my life. Now if you’ll excuse me, my fiance and I have cookies to make,” Rhett said, shoving around his brother. Link looked at him in confusion, but followed Rhett anyway, stalking toward the checkout without half of the items he’d planned to get.

“Rhett, slow down,” Link urged, his arm hurting from the force of Rhett dragging him through the aisle. Rhett slowed down a little, just enough to grab a calling card from right next to the checkout. He slammed the basket down on the conveyor and whipped out his wallet, but Link sidestepped him to pay instead.

“Rhett!” Cole caught up to him, catching his breath. “You need to call mom. You need to go  _ home. _ This is wrong, Rhett. You can’t–”

This time it was Link’s turn to cut him off. “Here, baby,” he said, turning to Rhett. “Here are the keys. Why don’t you go warm the car up and come back for me?” He pulled Rhett into a kiss, an attempt to make Cole feel as uncomfortable as possible.

Rhett kissed him back, paying no mind to anything until he heard the cashier. “Excuse me? Hello?” Link turned back to him, and he repeated the total, which Rhett pulled out his wallet and paid for.

“I’ve got it,” he told Link, and Link didn’t argue. The side-glance Rhett threw Cole’s way told Link everything he needed to know. This was a point of pride and Link wouldn’t mess with that. He was sure, in the effort to make Rhett feel better, that there had been shocked gasps and parents covering their children’s eyes, but he hadn’t seen it. Instead, he’d been focused on Rhett being okay. It wasn’t until they got to the car and started to drive off, mostly in the hopes Cole wasn’t following them, that Rhett broke down. Link drove without paying attention to the potential destination, letting his instincts take over until he was at the Cape Fear River.

They hadn’t been in so long, and the memories it held were from before they’d been together. But for some reason, being at the river seemed right. It was far too cold to swim, and the walk from the truck to the river was snow-packed and frigid. Link had worn gloves, but hadn’t really brought a warm enough coat. They couldn’t stay long, but at least they could have a few moments. The river still flowed under the thin sheet of ice covering it, and Link sat down on a rock nearby. The trees were bare and everything around them was quiet, save for the snap of a tree branch under the weight of snow. “Thank you,” Rhett said quietly.

“For what?” Link asked.

“For not going back to your house right away so we could have a few minutes. For kissing me in front of him. For following me out of the store,” Rhett said.

“You know I’d follow you anywhere you wanted me to,” Link said. “I followed you to LA, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Rhett nodded, kissing Link’s forehead. The tip of Link’s nose had gotten pink and was incredibly cold. It seemed best to go home before freezing to death by the river. Rhett stuck to the middle seat on the way back, resting his hand on Link’s leg. He was trying to stay as close as he could, both to warm them up before the truck’s heat was fully ready to help, but also for the emotional support they were trying to lend each other.

Mostly, Link wanted to call Mama Cheryl. For some reason, he felt like she’d have the best advice or, if nothing else, be a friendly voice in all of the madness.

At home, the house was empty. It was no surprise. Link’s mom had her last day of work before taking a few days of for Christmas, and it meant the two of them would be alone all night. She’d left money on the counter with a note encouraging them to order pizza, and Link didn’t hesitate to call an order in. While they waited, Link insisted on baking cookies. When that didn’t help, he tried to cut out paper snowflakes to decorate the house more. All of it failed to help him feel better, but he kept trying until Rhett took the scissors away, kissing him and suggesting a movie instead. Tomorrow, Link figured, they could deal with the reality of Christmas and how different it had become. But for the night, they had each other and that was enough.


	10. December 28, 1996

_ December 28, 1996 _

Link still didn’t know where Rhett was taking him. All he knew was that Rhett had asked for the keys, and that he’d asked Link to trust him. Somehow, Link was sure, this connected back to Christmas, when Rhett had looked at Link with a very serious look during their gift exchange. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you a gift, and I hope you’ll forgive me.” The way Rhett spoke that day had been rehearsed and robotic, telling Link there was more to the story than Rhett forgetting to give him something.

The rest of the gift exchange had been normal, though, with Rhett gifting Link’s mom a sweater and her giving each of the boys a little cash and some things for their dorm room, plus a few extra small items for Link, mostly clothes and extra socks and underwear. Link had given her a mug reading “world’s best mom” and a pair of snowflake earrings he’d purchased at Walmart, affordable and pretty.

But Rhett’s statement had been the curveball of the exchange. At first, Link figured Rhett had run out of money after buying his mom something, which was fine. Link didn’t mind at all. But in his room that night, Rhett had told him “I have something, but I’ll have to show you later,” and the anticipation had been killing him ever since. He couldn’t get it out of his head that this was related to that, but for now, he held Rhett’s hand and let him drive. He’d tried asking questions, but Rhett had just brushed them off, saying he’d see when they got there, so Link eventually gave up. When Rhett pulled into a Walmart parking lot, though, Link perked up, thinking perhaps they were at their final destination. They were outside of town, having passed two other Walmarts on the way here, but Link figured all of that was to avoid running into any other members of Rhett’s family he’d rather avoid.

“Wait here,” Rhett insisted, and Link’s brow furrowed.

“In the car?” Link asked, confused over the whole thing.

“Yeah. I promise I’ll be fast. Promise.” Rhett leaned in, already halfway out the door of the truck, and kissed him. And Link kissed him back.

“Okay,” he shrugged, leaning back and turning the heat up in the car, then the stereo. He’d almost dozed off waiting, even if Rhett had only been gone about 15 minutes or so. When Rhett got in the cab of the truck empty-handed, he was even more puzzled than he had been.

“Alright, we’re almost there. You ready for this?”

“Ready for what, Rhett? You still haven’t told me what’s goin’ on,” Link reminded him.

“Well, whatever it is, I mean. Are you ready to find out what it is?” He reframed the question.

“Yeah, I think so,” Link said, taking his hand again. “Get what you needed?” It was Link’s subtle way of trying to figure out what Rhett had gone into the store for if he’d come out with nothing.

“Yup, got it all. I’m excited. You should be excited,” he said, squeezing Link’s hand. Whatever it was, Link figured it had to be exciting enough, then, because Rhett seemed almost giddy. At this point Link still didn’t know where they were going, or why Rhett was being so secretive, but as soon as Rhett pulled into the parking lot of a cheap motel, Link started to put the pieces together. “I wanted someplace we could be alone,” Rhett said.

“My… my mom’s at work tonight, Rhett, we could’ve been there.” Link didn’t want to sound ungrateful or like he wasn’t excited. He just hated the thought of Rhett spending money on something to give Link a nice Christmas gift, when he could have spent the time with Link at the house instead.

Rhett smiled warmly and shook his head. “Nope. That won’t work for what I have planned. I needed us to be  _ away _ and alone.”

“The… dorm is empty?” Link thought aloud. Surely a tank of gas would’ve been cheaper than this motel for the night, even if it was run-down.

“Link, baby, this motel is… well, it’s the closest thing I could find to the place we had our first Christmas. It’s not perfect and it’s not in LA and it’s not… it’s not  _ exactly _ the same, and I know it’s not even as nice as Mama Cheryl’s place, but it’s something. You said you wanted to be there, you wanted to have Christmas with me, and… and this is the closest I could get to it.”

Tears welled up in Link’s eyes as he lunged forward toward Rhett, almost tackling him against the side of the truck. “Thank you.” It was all Link could get out. For tonight, if only for tonight, Link could imagine that it was just the two of them again, back when they had the whole world in front of them, back before so much had gotten so complicated and shattered and stripped away. For him, this meant one chance to go back to the night they’d shared two Christmases before, and this time, it would end without him in handcuffs being dragged away from the love of his life.

“Come on, let’s go in,” Rhett said, untangling himself from Link’s arms and opening the door to the truck. Link didn’t even question the fact that he hadn’t packed a change of clothes, since it was just for the night, but Rhett reached in the bed of the truck for a couple of bags anyway, one duffel and one Walmart sack.

“What’s that?” Link asked, but Rhett shook his head. There was no way Link was finding out before they got into the room they were staying in. Instead, Rhett approached the counter of the motel, cool and confident.

“I need a room, please. For tonight.”

“Well, uh, let me look. Looks like we have two more open for the night, but they’re, uh, oh, well, it looks like both of the rooms just have a king-sized bed in them. We don’t have any doubles. Would you be alright if we put a cot in there? Maybe y’all can flip a coin or somethin’,” he laughed. Rhett just smirked.

“Yeah, I’m sure, uh, I’m sure a cot’ll be fine for us. We don’t mind,” he said, teasing Link’s hand with his fingertips out of sight of the man checking them in. He hooked his pinky with Link’s, giving it a tiny tug, and Link looked up at him, smiling. It could be their little secret. They may have been alone but they were still in North Carolina, and the cot could sit in the corner of their room if it made the man feel more comfortable with them staying there. This time, they had a king-sized bed all to themselves. That was more than Rhett could have ever asked for. It took them no time at all to get settled into the room, with Link lying down on the bed, taking up as much space as possible.

“Oh gosh, this is… this is surprisingly comfortable,” Link said, and Rhett flopped down on the bed beside him.

“Wow, yeah, it’s not bad at all.” Rhett had expected for the price that it was going to be a crummy bed, but it really was decent. Better than the dorm beds, bigger and more comfortable. “See why we couldn’t’ve stayed at your place or gone to the dorms now? Look at all this space we’ve got!” Rhett said, gently slapping Link on the chest with the back of his hand, a love tap to convince him. “This was worth it, man.”

“Yeah, it was,” Link said, propping himself up on his elbow and leaning in to kiss Rhett. “Thank you.” This was far better than the gift Link had scrimped and saved to give Rhett, a book he’d been asking for. “You kinda blew my gift out of the water,” Link confessed, and Rhett shook his head.

“Nope. Recreating old memories isn’t nearly as good as you giving me just what I wanted. And besides, this is selfish. It’s kind of a gift for both of us.”

Link sighed and shook his head, but then Rhett sat up, climbing off of the bed. “Guess what?”

“What?” Link asked.

“I brought a traditional Christmas dinner with us.”

Link looked at the bag Rhett held in his hand, the one from Walmart, and knew there was no way a traditional Christmas dinner, turkey with all the fixings, was in the bag. But then Rhett pulled out a can of mixed vegetables and tossed it to Link, watching as Link caught it. He lifted a rotisserie chicken out of the bag, too, and Link caught on. It may not have been  _ a  _ traditional Christmas dinner, but it was  _ their _ traditional Christmas dinner, the one they’d shared during their first Christmas together, the only one their meager budget could allow for. Even now, they barely had the money to afford it, and it seemed fitting that it was what they’d go with.

It had been a long time since Link had used a hand-held can opener like the one Rhett had packed, and it took him two tries to get it latched onto the top of the can right. At school, they almost always ate from the school dining hall or fast food, so he hadn’t needed to. But getting back into it was easy, and he quickly opened the canned goods Rhett had gotten at the store. As he turned around, having poured the canned goods into the paper bowls, he noticed their camera sitting on the dresser. “Whoa, you brought the camera?” Link asked.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he asked, sitting down in front of it. “With class, we haven’t really filmed anything, have we?”

“No, we haven’t, I guess,” Link said. They’d taken it out a couple of times, mostly on runs to McDonalds or other ridiculous antics, but they hadn’t filmed anything about their relationship or about what their life was like now together, or how they’d still never made it back to Los Angeles. Rhett stood to turn the camera on, then sat back down next to Link again.

“So… we’re at a cheap motel, right?” Rhett asked Link, as if it was some sort of interview.

“We are,” Link answered.

“And… where are we?” he asked. “LA? Phoenix?”

“Fuquay Varina,” Link answered, giving a small shrug. “Guess we haven’t made it far lately, have we?”

“Not really,” Rhett said with a chuckle. “But we’re in school now, right?”

“Yeah. For film. Which… is crazy considering how little we actually film right now,” Link sighed. “Gotta love pre-reqs.” It was true, with all of their pre-requisite courses, they had yet to take a single class that actually lined up with the major they’d gone in for.

“Anyway, it’s… it’s Christmas, isn’t it? Or, a few days after?”

“Yup, it is,” Link said. “And, uh… we’re going to eat our traditional Christmas dinner.” He leaned out of frame, reaching into the trash can for an empty can and holding it up in front of the camera. “See? Creamed corn.”

“Delicious,” Rhett said, chuckling. “Hey, Link? Do you remember what we agreed would be our traditional Christmas dress code?”

Link rolled his eyes back, trying to remember. He imagined them sitting in the extended-stay in Los Angeles where they’d spent Christmas together during their time on the road. It had been so long, it seemed like, a lifetime ago instead of two years. He had to admit he didn’t know.

“I’ll remind you,” Rhett said, reaching over and tugging Link’s shirt off over his head, then stripping his own shirt off. “See? We like to keep it comfortable for the holidays. And now I’m going to turn the camera off and actually enjoy Christmas dinner. I just thought we should film somethin’,” Rhett said. Link smiled and nodded, reaching up to turn the camera off.

“Takin’ my shirt off on-camera, huh?” Link asked. “That’s, uh… that’s something different.”

“Aw, come on. It wasn’t like that. Or… or maybe it was, but that doesn’t matter. I just wanted us to re-create it as much as we could,” Rhett said. He grabbed the chicken and sat it on the bed, bringing the bowls of vegetables with him and passing Link a plastic spoon. Link used his fingers to tug a little bit of meat off of the chicken and popped it into his mouth.

“Well,” Link said, around his bite of chicken, “there is one thing about that night that we could easily re-create. Off-camera, of course.” The grin he had made it clear to Rhett what he was talking about, as if Rhett didn’t already know. There was a memory there, one he’d kept in mind more than a few times during their time apart, one that was so brief and only happened once that sometimes he wondered if he’d dreamed it happened as it was. But no, he hadn’t, and as Link sat there, eating chicken, small silver ring catching the light on his finger, Rhett wanted nothing more than to re-create the moment they’d shared then. Link had only recently moved the ring back to his finger from the necklace he’d been wearing it on, just since the day after they’d played Never Have I Ever. For Rhett, that seemed sign enough that they were both in this for good.

It was why Rhett had been confident enough to purchase another item at the store, despite having absolutely zero clue what to do with it. “I, uh… I did think about that,” Rhett said, standing up and walking over to the duffel he’d brought with them. “And… and I got these. We don’t have to use them. Um, or I mean, we don’t have to, you know, do anything that we’d need to use them for,” he said, tossing a small box of condoms onto the bed by Link.

“You got, uh… you got condoms?” Link asked, picking it up in his hand and turning the box over. “We can… yeah, we… we can try that if you want,” he said, blinking at Rhett. He was surprised, if he was being honest. He wasn’t upset by it and he certainly wasn’t against the idea. But surprised, he certainly was. Link moved the chicken to the side and looked at the box again, then back at Rhett. “Like, uh… now, or… or after we eat, or… uh…” Link was stumbling over his words, if anything because he was nervous. They hadn’t really talked about this. They’d been doing other things, and that had all been easy because they could both do those things at the same time. It was easy to wrap their hands around each other, or to rub against each other until they reached the desired result. It was quite another to make an intentional choice to do this.

“We can… uh… yeah, I mean, now is good.” Rhett wondered if he’d gone about it all wrong, if he should have waited until they were done with dinner and were in bed together, maybe making out and naturally starting to re-create the things they’d done before, suggested it in the heat of things instead of now, when Link was eating, where they both seemed so unsure of themselves. There was no taking it back, though, not really, since Link was already standing to move the food to the dresser and open the box.

“How do you, um… how do you want to do this? Do you want to like… to do me first? Since… you know, since you bought everything?” Link asked. “Or, uh, do you want me to go first?”

“You can, uh… I mean, you can go first if you want to, since it’s your Christmas gift, me bringin’ you here.” Rhett shifted from one foot to the other. Rhett tugged down his pants, dropping them to the floor, standing there only barely ready for what was happening, and Link seemed to be assessing the situation, looking at it and then up at Rhett’s eyes.

“Maybe we should, like… um… maybe we should just make out first.” It seemed like a good solution, one that always seemed to get them both going a little bit, if nothing else from the friction of being that close to each other. Rhett nodded and climbed onto the bed next to Link, on top of the hotel blanket. Link still had his shorts on, but in making out with Rhett completely nude on him, he didn’t figure they’d last long. Not with the intentions Rhett had, not the way he’d come so prepared. Link could feel them both getting turned on, could feel the usual things they did to get off together, and he was aching for it. Under that, though, his skin buzzed with anxiety. This was something new, something… something huge. Link didn’t doubt their relationship at all. It was strong and he was happy being with Rhett. He wasn’t afraid of regretting who he’d been with later, because for him, Rhett was the only one he ever wanted to be with. But a thought nagged at the back of his brain, causing him to put his hand on Rhett’s chest. “Hey, um… stop for a second, okay?” Rhett froze.

“What’s wrong? Are you, uh, are you already ready?” Rhett asked.

“No, I… do you think it’s a sin? If we, you know, um… have sex like that?” Link asked him. He bit his lip and Rhett backed off of him, sitting beside him instead.

“I dunno. I mean, if it is, so’s everything else we’ve done, probably. I mean, my family thinks we’re sinning just bein’ together, so… so I’m not sure if it’s any worse of a sin, I guess,” Rhett offered. “I mean, I’ve wondered about it,” he scratched the back of his neck, taking a deep breath. “Guess I just haven’t really figured it out all the way. But we’re gonna get married someday, right? So maybe it’s not really as big a sin as we think?” His answers came out like questions, as if he was just as unsure as Link was.

“Yeah, okay,” LInk said, tugging Rhett’s shoulder to kiss him again. They were never going to do this if they didn’t make out again, Link was sure. They’d talk themselves out of it and that seemed unfortunate, so Link tugged Rhett closer and got his lips on Rhett’s neck. He did the things he usually did to make sure Rhett was well taken care of, and Rhett’s breath was getting more ragged, which left Link figuring it had to be time. “Should I, um… I’m gonna get the condom now, okay?” Link asked. Rhett rolled off of him and nodded, watching as Link did everything the instructions had said. It was as if time moved in slow-motion at first, then sped up all at once as Link got back on the bed. “How should we…?” Link paused, pondering, then touched Rhett’s hip. “How about you roll over. I think it might be easier to uh, easier to see and stuff?” Rhett did what Link asked, and like ran his hands over Rhett’s back.

He’d heard that first times hurt for girls, but he’d never really figured out how that worked with two guys. It wasn’t like they had someone they could ask, and he didn’t have resources. He wondered if what they were doing would be as painful as it was when there was a girl involved, since after all, someone had to be on the receiving end of things. He didn’t want to hurt Rhett or have their first time be painful at all, but he had no idea what he could do to make it any easier for him. Instead, he tried to get himself back up, ready for things, his hand making contact with Rhett’s skin a few times. Then, he tried to line himself up, pressing against Rhett but not in yet. “Link, wait!” Rhett said, jerking away. Link stopped and let go, confused.

“You okay?”

“I… um… I don’t think I’m ready,” Rhett said.

“Oh! Do you, uh… do you want to switch places? We can. I don’t mind.” Link really wasn’t worried about them trying it the other way around if that was what Rhett needed or preferred. He figured they’d try it all kinds of ways eventually, so who went first didn’t really matter.

“No, I mean… I mean I don’t think I want to at all.”

“Oh,” Link said, sitting down on the bed. They sat in silence for a few beats and Link looked down, feeling weird about the fact that he had nothing on but a condom right now when they obviously weren’t going to do anything. “You, um… you’re the one who, uh… bought the, uh,” Link stammered. He wasn’t upset that Rhett didn’t want to so much as embarrassed that he’d moved things along that far if they were going to decide not to. In honesty, it was a relief in so many ways.

“I’m sorry,” Rhett said, looking down and picking at the blanket.

“No!” Link said, leaning into Rhett and hugging him, then reaching between them to peel the condom off of himself. “I… it’s okay if we don’t. Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I… what we’re doing is good, and there’s still stuff we haven’t, um, stuff we haven’t tried yet, and then you mentioned the thing about, y’know… it being a… a sin. I think… I think we have a long time, right? Still forever?”

“Forever,” Link said, nodding.

“So we’ve got time,” Rhett said. “I… I might have other ideas. If you’re not, um… if you’re not mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Link promised. He kissed Rhett again. “Tell me about your other ideas?” Rhett reached over to the bedside stand and clicked the light off.

“It might be easier if I show it to you,” he told Link, and in the dark room, Link wasn’t entirely sure how Rhett planned to show him anything. As Rhett kissed his neck, then his collarbone, then his chest, Link started to figure out where things were going. He may not have had much experience with Rhett, or at all, but he had been around a locker room and lunch tables with other guys, even well before he and Rhett left. He’d heard things, obviously. And as Rhett kept working his way down, kissing his stomach and his hip, Link knew he was about to experience some things, not just hear about them.

There was a hesitance in what Rhett was doing, a tremble in the tentative way he used his hands now that he was this up-close and personal with it, and Link could feel his warm breath right there, shaking a little bit as Rhett inhaled and exhaled, almost as if considering what he wanted to do. Link reached down with the idea of running his fingers through Rhett’s hair, but met Rhett’s head sooner than expected, poking him.

“Ow, what the heck?” Rhett jerked back and looked up at Link. It was dark in the room but Link could see his eyes clearly.

“Sorry, I was… I was trying to touch your hair,” Link said quietly.

“Oh,” Rhett said. “Okay, then. You can touch my hair if you want.” Link took that as a go-ahead, running his fingers through it like he’d planned, but with better aim this time. That seemed to be the only nudge forward Rhett needed from there, wrapping his lips around Link and letting Link feel the warmth of them being so close. Against his foot, he could feel how into this Rhett was, how much he liked it, too, and for a little bit, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. But there was a part of him that wanted to see, so after that, he got a second pillow, propping his head up and watching Rhett. “Is this okay?” Rhett lifted off of Link to ask, and Link nodded, then realized Rhett couldn’t see that.

“Yeah, it’s… gosh, it’s really good,” he said, which only encouraged Rhett, who got more enthusiastic with his movements and energy. “Wow, yeah, right there,” Link groaned, and Rhett left his focus there, not moving for a while. But it didn’t take long for Link to be arching his back, accidentally pushing too far into Rhett’s mouth, leaving Rhett pulling off, gagging, and trying again and Link apologizing profusely. Finding a rhythm took practice, he figured, and they’d get it eventually, but right now it felt unfathomably good. “I’m… I’m close, Rhett,” Link said, his body feeling electric, like it was on fire. “I’m gonna…” he started, and Rhett reached up, taking his hand, continuing what he was doing. It was becoming clear Rhett wasn’t going to back off, have Link finish this on his own. No, he wanted to go the rest of the way. Link didn’t try to hold back.

What Link hadn’t anticipated was the way Rhett would kiss back up his body and tug at Link’s lips with his teeth. “Was that okay?” Rhett asked him, kissing him before Link could answer, letting Link taste himself on Rhett, and when he pulled back, Link couldn’t stop smiling.

“That was… that was amazing. Probably better than what we were plannin’ on doing, honestly. Jeez, that was… that was real’ good, Rhett. I… wow, that was somethin’.” His brain raced a million miles a second, and he couldn’t seem to focus on any one thing. Instead, he kissed Rhett again. “Pretty sure it’s your turn now,” he told him, a grin crossing his face as he followed a similar path down Rhett’s body as the one Rhett had laid out on his.

When they were both breathing heavily and tangled in each other, Link heard Rhett’s stomach growl. “We didn’t finish dinner,” Link said, clicking on the light and leaning out of the bed for the chicken they’d set aside. Rhett pinched his butt, still bare after what they’d done, and Link yelped, then passed him the food. It wasn’t enough, though, leaving them to run to Taco Bell, the only place open that late.

“Are you happy, Link?” Rhett asked as they crawled back into bed, having fluffed the blanket to get rid of any stray crumbs.

“Yeah, I’m really happy. Are you happy?”

“I’m happy,” Rhett said. He leaned his head against Link’s shoulder, then kissed him again. “Sorry things didn’t, um... sorry I changed my mind about stuff.”

“This was way better. Merry Christmas, Rhett.”

“Merry Christmas.” Only a few moments later, Link was snoring.


	11. January 1997

_ January 1997 _

“So do you think we should tell him?” Rhett asked Link on the way back to school, holding Link’s hand and being entirely aware that this could be the last time he got to do so. If Link wasn’t ready to tell Tim, Rhett would respect it, but so much of him was tired of the thought of going back to hiding after they’d just spent so much time together, open about who they were. Sure, there had been rules in place, rules that said they weren’t allowed to sleep together. Link’s mom had reminded them every night that Rhett needed to sleep on the floor, not join Link in bed. But she’d also continued to forget to say that Link needed to stay in his bed, which is why both of them ended up on the floor together every night anyway.

But now they were headed back to campus, and if they didn’t tell Tim, it was back to separate beds, because Riley had his own dorm room now that he was enrolled as a student and living on-campus. He was no longer there as an excuse for them to have to share a bed if Tim happened to walk in and catch them. It was either tell him or keep apart. And even though Rhett knew the answer Link would give, his heart broke a little bit anyway when Link said “I think we have to wait.” Link squeezed Rhett’s hand harder as Rhett steered the truck back toward campus. “I really want to be open. But you saw what happened at the grocery store and everything. What if Tim freaks out? What if he reports it? And is what Cole said even true? Can we get arrested for this?”

“I don’t know, Link,” Rhett answered him. “I think he would’ve said anything to keep us apart at this point.”

“Oh,” Link said, looking out the window at the dirty snow and slush on the side of the highway. “You know if it was true, I’d rather get arrested than lie about being with you, right?”

“Do I?” Rhett asked, gritting his teeth a little bit and untangling his hand from Link’s to put it on the steering wheel.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Link asked, turning to face Rhett.

“I mean you say you’d go to jail to be with me… but… but you won’t tell our roommate you’re with me and risk him being upset? I mean, I don’t care if you don’t want to tell him, but it seems kind of dumb that you’d risk jail time but not a visit from the RA if he turned us in there.”

“I just meant that after you’ve paid for this semester, it would be pretty shitty for you to get kicked out of school. Next year we can request to have Riley and Gregg as our roommates and they  _ won’t _ turn us in, but this semester if it  _ is _ an issue or illegal or whatever, then you lose out on money you already paid for school. I’m sayin’ it to protect  _ you, _ Rhett.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rhett said, rolling his eyes. “So glad it’s for me, then. You know, Link, next time you do something for me, maybe ask my opinion on it first.”

“Maybe don’t get so freakin’ mad when someone’s trying to help you,” Link shot back, staring hard out the window again. Most of the rest of the ride was taken in silence, but as they got closer to campus, it was clear how little time they had to be together openly, so Rhett slid his hand over to Link’s, taking it.

“If you’re not ready, just say it, Link. Just because it hurts doesn’t mean I don’t get it.” Link leaned against him until the UNC-Asheville sign was in sight, until the campus was visible, and then he leaned away. None of this was what they wanted, but it seemed like the cross they were going to have to bear for now.

The first night on campus, they slept in separate beds. They were still sharing a room, by some miracle, with Gregg deciding he was better off sharing a room with Tim. But with Riley gone, they couldn’t use him as an excuse for why they needed to share a bed, which meant the only logical option was two separate beds again. It wasn’t what they wanted, or what they preferred, but it was what they had.

The second night, Rhett didn’t hear Link padding across the floor to his bed, but he did wake up once Link crawled into the bed with him, and he curled his body around Link’s, kissing his shoulder.

For a solid week, they started in separate beds until Link walked across the room and curled up beside him. “You know we’re going to have to tell him, right?” Link whispered in the dark.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Rhett answered.

“If he finds us like this, there’s no good way to explain it, is there?”

“No,” Rhett said. “We don’t really have an excuse now.”

Knowing they needed to tell him was one thing, but telling him was quite another. It meant that the few times they passed him on their way to their room after classes, they mostly stayed quiet. But as Link sat on the couch, studying, holding a pencil in his mouth, that Tim started toward his room, stopped, then turned around. “You get married on break?”

“No,” Link answered, looking up at him. “Why?”

“That, uh, that ring you got there.”

Cold panic washed over Link. They’d planned to tell Tim, but not like this, not with Link alone trying to say it. He’d forgotten to move his ring back to his necklace after break, though, and it had remained on his finger. “Oh. Um, no. I’m not married. It’s uh… it’s a promise ring.”

“Promise ring?” Tim chuckled. “Aren’t those for girls?” But then he shook his head dismissively and raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve got a girl back home or somethin’ and she wants everybody here to know you’re taken or what?”

“No.”

“No, what? No, she’s not somewhere else? No, you’re just wearing a promise ring for no good reason? No what?”

“No, I don’t have a girl somewhere else,” Link said. This would be the perfect time to explain, but Link wasn’t sure how to go about it. It seemed like the more questions Tim asked, the more delayed his response was and the harder it would be to tell him the truth. Instead, he dodged for as long as he could, answering the bare minimum.

“So she goes to school here?” Tim pressed. “What haven’t you brought her around? Heck, why are you never at her place?”

“No,” Link said, closing his book. “I’m not seeing a girl here or anywhere else. It’s… it’s a long story. I gotta study.”

“She dump you or something? You not over her?”

Link would have given anything to lie right then, but since they’d been meaning to tell him anyway, it didn’t make sense to. “No. No, it’s not a girl, okay? I… it’s… it’s somebody else.” Link’s shoulders slumped as he walked toward his room.

“You a freakin’ queer or somethin’?”

“Don’t call me that!” Link said, his voice rising and his pitch getting higher in frustration. “Yeah, okay, I’m gay. Can you just… can you drop it already?” Link tried to slam the door but Tim stuck his foot in it.

“Is it Riley? It’s Riley, isn’t it? That’s why y’all insisted he stay here and sleep in your room and everything, right? God, I knew there was somethin’ weird about him.”

“Yeah, you’re probably gonna walk in one day and see me makin’ out with him. That what you’re worried about?” Link said, frustration overwhelming him until he started to shake. “Get out of my room.”

“Chill out. You don’t have to be so freakin’ touchy,” Tim said, face twisted with disgust, raising his hands between them. “Whatever, man, just keep your queer shit away from me, okay?”

Link slammed the door. He couldn’t think of anything else to say.

* * *

“Whoa,” Riley said, leaning back in a desk chair. “You told him you and Rhett are like… a thing?”

“I… um… I mean, I kind of told him some stuff about it?” Link said, hedging a little bit and wondering how exactly to explain that he may have screwed up his coming out a little bit. “I was thinking we were going to tell him together, but then he saw my ring and he asked about it and you weren’t here,” Link turned to Rhett as he said that. “I didn’t know what to say.”

“But you told him,” Rhett said. “He’s not going to, uh, to be surprised if he stumbles into the wrong room and we’re in bed? What’d he say?”

Link’s face turned hot and his palms got sweaty as he looked down at the floor. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. “I, uh… I think I might have accidentally made him think I was dating Riley?”

“How’d  _ that _ happen?” Riley asked. Rhett let out a strangled, surprised laugh from the other side of the room, like he wasn’t sure if he should be offended or find it hilarious.

“It… it was his fault. I… I told him I was gay and then he asked who gave me the ring and assumed it was you since you showed up here randomly and we all fought so hard for you to stay, and then you slept in our room and stuff?” Link shrugged sheepishly. “And then I just never corrected him,” he said quickly, all in one breath.

“Why the heck does everybody think I’m gay?” Riley asked, surprised as he recalled the moment Gregg had kissed him. “Do y’all not see the number of girls I’ve got hanging on me or do I not have as much game as I thought? Is it too  _ much _ game? Is that the problem? That y’all think I could pull off guys  _ and _ girls? What gives here?”

Rhett perked up. “Who else thinks you’re gay?”

“Nobody, don’t worry about it,” he answered. “Anyway, so we’re a thing and Rhett’s totally into chicks, or…?”

“I don’t know! I screwed up, okay? It was the heat of the moment, jeez. It wasn’t like I had some kind of choice or whatever. I just wanted to get out of the room. Anyway, we can tell him the truth. I just didn’t want to do that part by myself.”

They didn’t have time to figure out  _ how _ they’d tell him, though, before Tim was walking in the front door of the dorm suite and saw Riley sitting in their room out of the corner of his eye. He strolled toward the door and leaned against the frame. “Oh, cool, you brought your boyfriend over,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Y’all just, uh, try not to do anything gross in here.”

“Oh, you… you think  _ I’m _ his boyfriend?” Riley asked, giving Link a quick wink, which only made things worse. “Yeah,” he snorted, “like I’d ever date a brunet again.” He shook his head.

“It’s… it’s me,” Rhett said, raising his hand. “I’m the mystery guy.”

“You? What, are all my roommates queers? Am I going to come home and see Gregg blowing a dude next? What the heck, man?” Tim looked disgusted.

“Going on a witch hunt there, Tim? Going to ask the whole floor who they’re into? Guess we don’t have to ask you what you are to know you’re a jackass. Now if you’ll excuse us,” Riley said, walking toward the door to close it in Tim’s face, “I’m trying not to fail my math class here.”

As Riley settled into the chair he had been sitting in, he shook his head. “I don’t know how y’all deal with it.”

“With jerks like Tim?” Link asked.

“No, I mean… with each other. Jerks like Tim are a given, but I’d take ten Tims over being around the same person all the time, especially if I constantly have to be interrogated over it by the Tims of the world, you know? But we’ve only been back two weeks and I’m already sick of the girl I’m seein’.”

“Then why are you with her?” Rhett asked. “What’s the point if you’re tired of her?”

“She’s  _ hot, _ man,” Riley answered, opening his math book. “But Jesus, she’s annoying. I don’t get how y’all can… can deal with each other all the time.”

“Wow, thanks, Riles. Are you saying you’re sick of us?” Link asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“No! I love hanging out with y’all. I just mean, doesn’t it get boring? Dating the same person for… forever, I guess. Y’all talk like you are going to end up together and spend your lives together and…. Good lord, I can’t imagine doing that,” Riley said, shaking his head.

“I dunno, man,” Rhett said. “I think it’s easy. It was always Link, you know? I’d think about what I wanted to do in the future or where I was gonna go with my life and a lot of it would be blurry but Link being a part of it was so clear to me.”

“You don’t, I don’t know, wish you could sleep with somebody else or go on a date or something with anybody other than each other? Ever? You don’t want to at least know what it’s like?” Riley furrowed his brow. “Maybe I’m not cut out for the whole, uh, the whole soulmates bullshit.” He leaned back in his chair and took a drink of his soda. “You sure it wasn’t just that you’re the only gay guys y’all know? Lack of options and all that. I’d assume your dating pool’s a hell of a lot smaller than the rest of us around here.”

“I know another gay guy!” Link protested. “When Rhett was gone all that time, my other best friend was gay.”

“Yeah, but he was a freshman. I can’t imagine you hooking up with a freshman,” Riley said.

“ _ You _ hooked up with freshmen, man,” Rhett said, rolling his eyes.

“I had a choice. Link would’ve been settling for the only other gay guy at his school. Again.”

“I didn’t settle the first time!” Link argued. “I  _ chose _ Rhett. Or he chose me. I don’t really know. It was just… it was how it was supposed to be, y’know? I mean, yeah, he’s hot and that’s one reason, just like it’s a reason for you. But there’s more to it than that. It’s like… it’s like I can’t imagine waking up and him not being there. My day would suck. It’s… it’s knowing that when I think of having kids or moving somewhere or getting a house, for me it was always Rhett that I pictured in that, and still is. It’s not settling. It’s, I don’t know, embracing the opportunity, basically. I’d rather be single than pick just any random gay guy that happens to be around me. He’d have to be the right guy.” Link was sure of Rhett, just like he was sure Rhett was sure of him. There wasn’t a question there for him.

“I think being apart helped make it more obvious,” Rhett said, lying back on his bed. “We’d been apart for a whole year and at night I’d still dream about Link and in the morning I’d still wake up wishing he was there, and that says a lot, you know?”

“I didn’t need for us to be apart to know,” Link said, his expression wounded. “I knew before that.” His whole demeanor had changed, like tears might spill from his eyes at any second. Rhett stood and crossed the room to Link’s bed, finding a way to climb behind him, sitting there and pulling Link to his chest, resting his head on Link’s shoulder.

“I didn’t need to be away from you to know, baby. I’m just saying it made it even clearer than it was. I knew it before that, but during that, there was no denying it was you and me.”

Link nodded and laid back against Rhett, as Riley looked at them and shook his head. “I still don’t get it. I’m happy for you. But I really, really don’t understand it.”


	12. March 1997

_ March 1997 _

Rhett looked the bank statement over for the third time since he’d opened it. He wondered if he was pulling cash out for silly things instead of unnecessary purchases, but the bare-bones state of his dresser and desk said otherwise. They hadn’t even gotten to go on a date lately since his work schedule was overtaking their free time. But somehow, he still couldn’t figure out why the number at the bottom of the statement was  _ so  _ small.

If he was incredibly careful, he knew he probably had enough to ride out the rest of the semester, and of course he’d be adding more money from his on-campus jobs, but if things stayed like they were, he could kiss sophomore year goodbye. He simply couldn’t afford the deposit needed for the dorms at this point, and tuition? Not a chance.

It was really hard for him, too, to watch Gregg and Riley get excited about their spring break plans. Riley was going to Cancun, and Rhett was certain he’d have a blast with whoever the love of his life was this week, or whichever girl he met down there. And Gregg? He was flying out to Colorado for a hiking and camping trip with high school friends. But Rhett was staying behind. He and Link had been invited on both trips, naturally, but when Rhett couldn’t afford to go, Link decided to stay in Asheville as well. It was sweet of Link to do so, and Link had told him it was because he wanted to take advantage of them having the dorms to themselves, but Rhett knew the truth: Link turned it down because Rhett would have been alone for the break. He’d tried to convince him to go, but Link resisted until Rhett finally gave up.

“What’s wrong?” Link asked, seeing Rhett’s sullen expression as soon as he walked in the door from class. Rhett had been bummed out, letting it eat at him for the past few days, but Link couldn’t figure it out, no matter how many prying questions he asked. He’d been begging Rhett to tell him what was wrong, but Rhett had brushed him off, citing homework or a busy schedule. If Link hadn’t known better, he would have assumed Rhett was mad at him, but at night, their beds now pushed together since their roommates all knew, Rhett was just as cuddly, if not more cuddly than ever. It didn’t feel like it  _ was _ a relationship issue, but that didn’t make things any clearer. Link was tired of waiting for Rhett to tell him, so he crossed the room and snatched the paper from Rhett’s hands. “From the bank?” he asked, reading it over, realizing it wasn’t a class or job related piece of paper.

Rhett tried to grab it out of Link’s hands, but it was too late. Link had already seen the number at the bottom of the statement. “Oh. Wow.” He sank down on the bed next to Rhett, passing the paper back to him. Rhett still hadn’t said anything. “Okay, well, this is fixable. We’ll… we’ll go to the bank and move the money over to my account and then put you on my account, er, our account.”

“No,” Rhett said.

“Why? We’re gonna do it someday anyway,” Link answered. “Why not now? It’d be easier, one less thing to do later.”

“No,” Rhett said again. “We’re not… we’re not doing that. I’m not… dang it, Link, this isn’t your responsibility, okay? I’ll get a part-time job. It’s fine. I’m fine.” His face burned with frustration and embarrassment. The thought of Link cleaning this up, the notion that Link would even suggest they share income when he was contributing nothing had him overwhelmed.

“With what time? You’ve already got your cafeteria job and your tutoring job. Plus you’ve got a full course load and all the work that comes with that. You can’t keep piling on and on and on and expect not to break down a little bit,” Link reminded him. “We’re what, a few years from getting a joint account? If you’re already dead-set on spending your life with me, which I sure as heck hope you are because I don’t plan on giving you some kind of exit strategy, then what’s the problem starting now? We shared our money before!”

There they were, back to the exact argument they’d had in the fall. Rhett hadn’t been willing to budge then, and he certainly hadn’t decided to change his mind now. “My other jobs end for the summer in May, Link. Who’s gonna be here for me to tutor in the summer? They don’t need me. So whatever, I’ll find a job then. It’ll be fine.”

“Rhett! You’re not going to work yourself to the bone when we have the money. Please, baby, can you just let me do this for once?” Link sighed. They didn’t have  _ all _ the money, not yet, but if Rhett kept the two jobs he had and Link kept his tutoring job, too, they’d have enough money before the end of the semester to pay for both of their deposits, as long as they stayed careful about what they bought.

“No. I can’t do it, Link. You can’t constantly clean up my stuff for me. Besides, what are we gonna do, stroll into the bank and be like ‘hey, we’re young and dumb college kids with no money who aren’t married, but we’re gay and need to pay for college so give us a bank account to share?’ That’s dumb. They’ll laugh us out of the bank!”

“So… so we’ll tell them we’re brothers. I don’t know, Rhett, we’ll figure something out! Or maybe you could get a loan and we could pay it together, or maybe I could put some of my money in your account. I’m trying to think of solutions here and all you want to do is shoot down every idea!”

Rhett ripped the statement in half and let the pieces fall to the floor. “I’ll figure it out,” he said. Link wrapped his arms around Rhett.

“I know one summer job we could get,” he said.

“What?”

“There’s always Phoenix. Mama Cheryl said the job was always open if we needed it,” Link shrugged. “It beats working here all summer. Plus, free food and rent.”

“Yeah? And how are we going to afford to get to Phoenix?” Rhett asked.

“How’d we do it when we were dumb kids who pretty much just had Christmas money, jars of quarters, and a box of cereal to our names? We figured it out once. I’m pretty sure we can do it again. Trust me.”

“Phoenix, huh?” Rhett asked, pulling Link’s leg across him until Link was sitting in his lap, facing him, their chests pressed together close. “Got a particular reason for wanting to go back there?” It was the first genuine smile Link had seen on Rhett’s face in days, just before he pulled Link in for a kiss.

“Maybe I miss the river,” Link said.

“Mmm, we’ve got a river here.”

“Okay, I miss the bed?” Link pondered.

“Look at this big bed we made,” Rhett said, gesturing to the two twin beds they’d pushed together.

“Fine, fine. I miss those freakin’ chicken strips,” Link said, and when Rhett rolled his eyes, Link grinned. “I do miss Mama Cheryl,” he said sincerely. “But… I also miss where we fell in love. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Link said, as if he wasn’t entirely willing to say it, teasing Rhett for pushing for the answer.

“Yeah, it is.” Rhett kissed him again. “I think that’s a good reason. For that reason, I’ll go to Phoenix for you. Maybe for the chicken strips, too.”

Getting a yes from Mama Cheryl later was easy. They’d used the last of their calling card from Christmas, giving her a quick ring and asking if they could come back. She had been elated of course, telling them she’d find a room for them and asking when they’d be there. During the school year, she’d had help from a few students at the local university, but once they went home for the summer, she was shorthanded once again. It made for perfect timing, perhaps too perfect if Rhett was being honest, and he wondered if she wasn’t firing some students to give them a spot. Either way, he was grateful, and they’d made a promise to get there as soon as school was out.

Funding the trip was a little trickier. Link wasn’t entirely sure how they were going to pay their deposits for the dorm, save up the money for gas and snacks along the way, and make it through the rest of the semester. Tuition was going to be due soon, or at least part of it, and Link was overwhelmed with the expenses piling up. They were juggling, scrimping, and adding all of their spare change to their jars, and when those were full, they tucked them away and got a single, shared jar. It was a compromise, a way for Link to feel like they were on the same page there, even if Rhett was hesitant to combine the rest of their funds. It wasn’t out of fear that Link would take too much or use too much. It was all out of worry that he would never contribute enough. Two jobs may have paid better than Link’s one, but the fact that Link had a little money to begin with, mostly small gifts from his mother, that made Rhett feel like whatever he gave wasn’t quite enough.

“What if you apply to be an RA?” Link asked. “We’d get a private dorm, just the two of us, and you’d get to room for free.” He handed Rhett a pamphlet with details in it. The RA suite was almost as big as the other student suites, but instead of being divided between four students, it was two, with a single room, a living area, and a bathroom. It was a carbon copy of their own room, sans the bedroom Gregg and Tim shared. For Link, it seemed like the perfect solution. One room payment instead of two, plus more space and privacy for them to share.

“I bet the registration filled up ages ago,” Rhett lamented, kicking himself for not thinking of it sooner. Of course being an RA would solve so much for them, and of course he’d failed to think of it.

“You can still try,” Link suggested. “If they’re full, maybe somebody’ll drop off and you’ll get the spot. Or maybe they’ll need you in the spring next year. Or next fall! Just try it. We’ll figure stuff out until you get it,” Link assured him. He knew it wasn’t what Rhett wanted to hear, his reassurances that they’d figure it out until then, but it was what he needed to say. They’d always figured things out before and this would be no different.


	13. May 1997

_ May 1997 _

Time moved quickly once they’d made the decision to go to Phoenix. It seemed like a million things needed to be done before the end of the year. They had to pack up their things, for one. Even though Rhett had been rejected from the RA program, they weren’t likely to get the same room back next year, and packing had been weird. Despite knowing where they were going next was good, Rhett couldn’t help but feel the tug over the last few times he’d packed. He’d packed in Buies Creek to go to Phoenix without saying goodbye to his family, and even though it led him on a journey where he fell in love with his best friend, he felt the pain prickling in his stomach over it. He’d packed in Phoenix and said goodbye to safety to drive to the unknown that had been LA. He’d packed in LA under duress, forced to leave his new home and the love of his life overnight. He’d packed in Buies Creek again, this time never looking back as he walked out the door to his former family home. He’d never really  _ unpacked _ at Rileys, knowing the situation was temporary, and kept his bags in the corner of Riley’s room. But now, he was packing what had become home, the room he’d shared with Link for an entire school year, and he was heading back to Phoenix. He didn’t know if he’d ever get to come back to this place because of his finances, so the goodbye felt permanent regardless.

Link, of course, assured Rhett he’d be back. He’d done it in part by taking cash to the administration office and saying Rhett had class but sent money with Link to pay for his room deposit. Rhett had done no such thing, but Link wasn’t letting the deposit hold Rhett back from coming to school again. Rhett had been toying with the idea of getting a full time job, renting the cheapest apartment he could find off campus, and moving Link to the off-campus apartment with him. Link naturally protested. Rhett, giving up on film school to work full time at who-knows-what job he didn’t want? It wasn’t what they’d run away for, Link grumbled. He hadn’t told Rhett about paying the deposit, not until Rhett told him he’d put in an application for Walmart. “No!” Link had shouted, then calmed down. “No, um. You’ve got school here next year.”

“I haven’t paid a room deposit. I can always skip out on it. You can go, and I can work, and it’ll all work out, baby. That’s why I’m getting the job, so you can keep focused on this and not worry about me,” Rhett had said.

“I… I paid the deposit.” Link confessed it to a mixed reaction from Rhett. He’d been angry at Link going behind his back, but he’d been thankful that Link had been willing to. He’d been sad he couldn’t take care of it himself, but happy he had someone who cared enough to do it. It was a lot of emotion to process, but they’d gotten through it.

Finals were a lot, too, and the end of their on-campus jobs worried them in the midst of studying. They’d work on their papers, then re-count to be sure they had enough money to get back to Phoenix. Then they’d study for another class and talk about it. “What if we get stuck there?” Rhett asked. “I mean, what if we get there and the truck breaks down?”

“We’ll call my grandparents, maybe. They could always wire us a loan or something to get it fixed.”

“I don’t want to ask them.” Rhett was insistent about that.

“We’ll figure it out. That might not even happen,” Link answered, trying to focus on his book. “Should we take the camera?”

“What?”

“Seriously, should we bring the camera with us? I mean, I know we have to pack it and take it out there, but should we film with it? We really haven’t done anything with that in a while,” Link reminded him. They’d never really had the time.

“Yeah, it can’t hurt,” Rhett shrugged, scribbling down some notes. Their room was bare, their plan to leave after classes were out firmly in place. Two weekends before finals, they’d gone and visited Link’s mom. She hadn’t been thrilled about their summer plans and the fact that they’d be across the country for the summer, but she was happier now that they were legally adults and she knew where they were, rather than when they were young and missing. It was as good of a compromise as they could get. Link promised her they’d come through Buies Creek on the way back to school, would visit before going straight back to Asheville, but that was as good as they could do for her.

The weekend before finals, Riley and Gregg had dragged Rhett and Link out to a bar, fake IDs in hand, promising to buy drinks if they’d just let loose for the night. They’d reluctantly agreed, and Link had insisted on using a small part of their stash to buy one round, to at least try to make it fair. It was the least he could do, he figured, especially since they’d all be apart for the summer.

But then there was nothing left but two tests, their last finals looming over their head. Rhett couldn’t believe their first year—perhaps his only year— of college was already over. He wondered what things would have been like if he’d have gone to NC State instead, but he quickly pushed that out of his head. Instead, he turned to Link in bed, the only part of their room still unpacked, and kissed him. “Two more tests and then we’re free,” he told Link, and Link smiled.

“Going to be weird to say goodbye to this place now,” Link said. “We could give it a proper send-off.” The wicked grin on his face was one Rhett had gotten used to. It had replaced the boyish smiles Link had given when he was two years younger, more unsure of everything, but now he was growing to be a man, and so was Rhett, and sometimes things got more physical between them. He was okay with that. He figured as they got older, things would change even more, but for now, he was happy with how things were, and he laid back as Link made his way down Rhett’s body, trailing kisses slowly. This was something they’d done several times since Christmas, but the thrill of it never got old to Rhett, the ache of butterflies with giant wings in his stomach, the building of tension and then great release in his body, it was all exciting. He imagined in fifty years, he’d still find this same thing exciting with Link.

The opposite was also exciting, the opportunity to flip their positions and feel the way Link squirmed under his touch. He liked hearing how Link covered his mouth to muffle the sounds so Gregg and Tim wouldn’t hear them, and he loved the small whimpers that still managed to escape. He loved knowing by the way Link bucked and moved and muttered “oh, gosh, Rhett,” and all kinds of other nonsense that Link was close. He loved everything about it, about making Link feel good and feeling good himself, about being that close to each other. His biggest wish was that Mama Cheryl would remember she’d given them just one bed the first time and give them just one bed again. But for right now, his sole focus was on Link, on this goodbye to the most stable home he’d had in a while, and on the twenty-four hours that remained before they got in Link’s truck and headed to Phoenix.

Focusing on finals the next day was nearly impossible. He’d tossed and turned all night planning for the drive, and every time he reminded himself “you have to sleep, you’ve got a test and a long drive,” it only made him wake up even more. Before class, they’d stripped the bed, which eliminated any chance for a nap after, turning in their keys as soon as they’d loaded the car. It was class, and then it was the open road. Rhett bounced his leg up and down, biting his pencil and scrawling down an answer about a painting he barely cared about or remembered. His focus wasn’t on that, it was on whether or not they’d remembered to fill up the gas tank recently and if they’d need to stop before leaving town to do it.

It was weird to him how this time, they didn’t have to worry about getting away before being caught. Anyone who needed to know where they were going, knew. His family didn’t, but then, they didn’t need to know. Riley had been skeptical about them going back there, assuring them he could get them better than minimum wage jobs working for his dad if they’d go back to Raleigh with him for the summer. But Rhett wasn’t entirely keen on the idea of taking more from Riley’s family than he already had, and Link was itching to get back to Phoenix anyway. It was hard, but they’d turned him down. Gregg had promised to try to come visit. He was spending a week in Raleigh to let Riley show him around and for them to hang out, but then he’d be back home within driving distance of Phoenix. It made sense that he’d possibly try to sneak in a visit, at least for a weekend. Rhett marveled at how close Riley and Gregg had gotten, how good of friends they were, and it made him happy. For the first time in a long time, Mama Cheryl aside, he had a semblance of something that could be called  _ family. _

Tim was just Tim. They had no clue what his plans for the summer were, but frankly, they didn’t care all that much. Rhett was hoping he’d quietly transfer, but he didn’t think they’d get that lucky.

But now, test finished, Rhett only had to wait for Link to get done in his class, and they’d be ready. Rhett had finished his test early, and as he looked at the clock, he realized that he had plenty of time before Link was scheduled to be out. The last thing he needed was for them to run out of gas like they’d done the last time, so instead of waiting, he drove to the nearest gas station and filled up the tank. Link could be surprised that he’d gotten them off to a good start, and Rhett could fill the time he was waiting. As he pulled back into the parking lot outside of the building Link had class in, two ice-cold Mello Yellos in the cupholder, he saw Link standing outside under a tree.

“Where’d you go?” Link asked, a mixture of relief and annoyance on his face.

“I was getting us off to a good start, baby. Tank’s full now.”

“Thanks, Rhett,” Link said. He almost looked disappointed that Rhett had started their journey without him, but Rhett brushed it off. They’d have a lot of gas stops along the road, since Link’s truck didn’t get nearly the mileage that his old Dynasty did. The last thing they needed was to wait even longer before heading out. Link settled into his seat, pulling a blanket over himself even though it was warm out, and before even opening his Mello Yello, he fell soundly asleep.

Link hadn’t remembered the trip taking as long the first time, but he also knew his memory of it was unreliable. They’d been in such a hurry to get the heck away from home as fast as they could that he didn’t have firm details on how many nights they’d spent on the road. He vaguely remembered nights spent in the car, and he clearly remembered they’d decided to spend money on pillows and blankets because their clothes were too uncomfortable to work as bedding for very long.

But it wasn’t until three days into the road trip, when Rhett ventured into a store and told Link to wait there, that Link clearly remembered how they  _ hadn’t _ filmed the first time Rhett had gone in and bought them beers. They were still underage now, still a couple of years from being 21 and legally able to buy them, but Rhett’s height never got them carded. Rhett passed Link the beer, then opened his own.

“God, we were so young,” Link said. He had said the words aloud, straight out of his thoughts from when Rhett had been inside the building. He didn’t need to clarify, though. Rhett knew what he was talking about.

“We were. Kind of stupid, too. We didn’t want to get hauled back home, but we were doing illegal stuff like buying beer? Real smart of us,” Rhett chuckled. “If we get caught now, fine, we get in a little trouble. But then? Jeez. We could have been so screwed.”

“All worked out, though,” Link said, taking a swig of his beer. He’d gotten used to it now, having some now and then in college. Never often, since they preferred to save their money, but a far cry from the first time he’d had one in the Walmart parking lot, a boy thinking he was becoming a man.

That time in his life certainly was one phase of growing up, of being a man, but if he’d only known then how many other things he’d have to go through to grow into who he was now, he never would’ve let himself even believe he was a man then. It hit him how even though now, he was grown and on a trip, one he’d actually told people about, standing here with the person he planned to spend his whole life with, that he probably had a long way still to go. He didn’t have a job, or he did, but it wasn’t exactly a career and certainly wasn’t one in his chosen industry. He didn’t yet have a degree. They barely had any money.

But still, he figured, he’d come so far, and so had Rhett. They’d been through hell and back, and sharing a beer, recalling who they were, helped him realize that he was proud of himself, if for no other reason than the fact that neither of them had given up yet.

“Hey, remember when we got in trouble for sleeping in that park?” Rhett asked, and Link thought back to when they’d been eating dinner, a picnic to stretch their legs, and dozed off to be woken by a police officer closing the park later. It had been scary, a warning to him that they needed to be more careful, but in hindsight, it was hilarious.

“Gosh, that could’ve been bad,” he agreed. “Remember when we forgot to fill up the tank and had to walk so far?”

“You were so mad,” Rhett said. “We were both so mad.” Rhett looked behind him at the dashboard of the truck, smiling at the two cacti that danced there. How they’d both managed to hold onto those despite everything, especially Rhett through his moves, he wasn’t sure, but the cacti were still there, bobbing about like they’d been when they bought them. Some things never seemed to change.

“Well, since we had these, I guess we better stop here for the night,” Rhett said. He didn’t feel anywhere near tipsy, but the last thing he wanted was to risk it. Instead, he climbed back into the cab of the truck.

“Hey, Rhett, it’s a nice night. Think anyone will notice if we sleep in the truck bed?”

“Nah, probably not,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and grabbing his pillow and blanket. It was dangerous, but Link had a tarp for the truck bed anyway, one they’d used to hold the stuff they brought with them. If they were careful, made sure to leave a lot of room for air to get in, which they’d done solely so they could reach their stuff that was in the bed of the truck on the drive, then they could probably sleep there without anyone seeing them. Anything beat sleeping in the cab of the truck. Rhett piled down blankets, thankful they’d brought a lot more this time after being so cold and uncomfortable the first time around. After all, they’d had to strip their beds in the dorm anyway, and all of that bedding would help. Rhett draped their sheets over them, then wrapped an arm around Link. “Two more days,” he promised. They could have probably made it in one, but part of Rhett wanted one more night like this, one more before they’d start work and go back to the realities of life, even if it was with the easy-going and loving Mama Cheryl.

“Two more days,” Link agreed, resting his head against Rhett’s body, soft snores taking over.


	14. Late May 1997

_ Late May 1997 _

“Oh my gosh,” Link said, pulling the truck up to the motel and diner, parking in the lot between them. “It’s… wow.” He didn’t have words to express the overwhelming feeling of being back in Phoenix. For him, it was a sense of coming  _ home. _ It wasn’t the home he’d been raised in, but it was the home he’d grown the most in.

“Yeah, I know. Did it always look this bad?” Rhett asked.

“What?” Link asked, raising an eyebrow, but then he started to see what Rhett was talking about. The diner sign was missing a few lightbulbs, with one strip of neon on the building itself completely unlit. It was hard to see the rest of the situation in the darkness of the night, but it certainly didn’t look like he’d remembered it after all. “I mean, maybe it was like this before and we just forgot,” Link said, shrugging. He pulled the key from the ignition. “Let’s just not worry about it until tomorrow, okay?”

“‘Kay,” Rhett answered, walking around the truck and taking Link’s hand. He dropped it at the door, opening it for Link and putting his hand on the small of his back to guide him in. For a moment, they stood there, looking around and waiting to see if Mama Cheryl would magically appear in front of them. Link got a wide grin on his face as she walked out of the kitchen, plates piled up her arms, and caught sight of them.

“My boys!” She exclaimed, causing several patrons to turn and look at her. “Hold on just a second, let me get these plates down.” She scuttled off toward a nearby table, placing the plates quickly and walking away, leaving one of the patrons calling after her for a refill of their drink. “Just a second and I’ll fetch it for you!” she hollered over her shoulder, hustling toward them and reaching her arms out wide to pull them both in for a hug at once. They were squished together, but that was okay, since they had their arms around her, too. “Okay, you two go sit down and I’ll grab you some menus. Just a second!”

Rhett and Link sat at the counter where they’d eaten countless breakfasts, and Rhett nudged Link’s foot, smiling at him. There were so many memories flooding back, and he glanced over at the door to the room they’d spent hours washing dishes in. Link smiled at Rhett, too, not feeling the need to talk. They’d been driving for days, and at this point, they were all talked out and content to sit in silence. Link picked at a bit of chipped linoleum on the countertop, waiting as Mama Cheryl got the drink that another customer requested. Once she was back to them, though, there was no stopping her.

“How are you two? Gosh, you’ve grown so much! You’re men now! I can’t handle it.” She inundated them with questions without giving them much chance to even open their mouths, let alone time to respond. “Did you have a good trip? Any problems? Are you hungry? Did you pack enough food?” Her maternal instincts toward them were clearly kicking in, and the same way she’d taken care of them before, she was going to again, it seemed. “I’ve got your room all ready for you to stay in.” A customer waved her over. “Oh, shoot, okay, I’ll be back to take your orders, and for you to tell me everything.”

Rhett chuckled, turning to Link. “Do you think she’ll stop talking long enough for us to actually order?”

“If we talk really fast, maybe. Like I’llHaveTheCheeseburgerNoTomatoWithFries?”

Rhett laughed even harder, putting his hand on his chest to calm himself as he did, and Mama Cheryl glanced over with a warm smile. She seemed happy to have them back in Phoenix, back in her diner. “Well, if she doesn’t listen to our order, you know she’s always brought us good stuff.”

Link agreed, and when Mama Cheryl returned, she had no problem listening to them, peppering the time after she put the order in with more questions. “How was school?”

Rhett took a deep breath, then started filling her in on everything: school, the trip, anything he could think of but the financial issues he was facing. They’d asked if they could come work, but they hadn’t told her  _ everything, _ and if it was up to Rhett, they weren’t going to. “I tried to be an RA in the fall, but I got turned down for that. Looks like we’re probably going to be rooming with our friends, Riley and Gregg,” Rhett told her. She nodded, listening and resting her hand on her chin.

“Did you guys get to room together last year? How did that go?”

“One of our suitemates absolutely hated us, but other than that, it worked out okay,” Link shrugged. “Mostly we’re happy to be back here for now and not have to worry about splitting a space with two other people,” he admitted. They would have shared more, caught up more, but Rick was hollering from the back, saying their orders were up. Mama Cheryl grabbed them and planted the plates in front of them.

“Don’t even think about pulling out your wallets tonight, boys. It’s been a long drive, and you’re both scrawny as all get out,” she said, and Link’s mouth watered over the cheeseburger in front of him. He remembered how much they’d longed for a cheeseburger when they’d first stopped here, how they almost didn’t because money was tight, and he realized that the littlest decision on their trip the first time around had changed them for the better, had changed the course of not just their trip, but possibly their lives. It was just a cheeseburger, but at the same time, for Link, it was so much more.

It wasn’t until Mama Cheryl had left and returned a few times, serving other patrons and bringing Rhett and Link each a milkshake, that Rhett finally got the chance to ask about her. “How have you been doin’, Mama?” he asked, slurping the last of his shake loudly.

“I’m doing great, better than ever,” she said. “I’m getting tired in my bones, but I think I’ve still got plenty of youth left in me, don’t you?” She struck a pose, then laughed, and Rhett and Link laughed with her.

“You’re lookin’ good, Mama,” Link smiled, popping the last of his fries in his mouth. “How’s everyone? Rick doing okay? And Melody?”

Mama Cheryl got quiet then, looking at the ground. “I’ll be right back. It looks like somebody needs another refill. Everybody’s so thirsty tonight.”

Link furrowed his brow and looked at Rhett. “What was that about?”

“I don’t know,” Rhett shrugged, stacking Link’s plate with his own. He took the armful of dishes and carried them into the washroom unprompted, placing them with the stack. Part of him was tempted to start washing them, not letting them sit for Mama Cheryl to do, but he really wanted to hear why she was acting so strangely.

“–passed away on his deployment,” Mama Cheryl finished, with Rhett getting back only in time to hear the last half. He didn’t have to hear the rest to know, not given the somber look on Mama Cheryl’s face. The last time he’d seen Melody, who had managed the hotel for Mama Cheryl and taught them the ropes of cleaning rooms, she’d been pregnant and anxiously awaiting her husband’s return home. That had been over two years ago. Now, her husband was gone.

“Did he, um… her baby, though,” Link struggled out, not forming a coherent sentence. He didn’t have to. Mama Cheryl shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “No, he didn’t. She got a few pictures to him, though, before we lost him. Harmony. The baby’s name is Harmony.”

“That’s pretty,” Link said, but the entire tone of their conversation had shifted from the joy and elation at their arrival to a sad, somber note they couldn’t shake. Link couldn’t imagine what he’d do if he’d lost Rhett, especially if he’d lost him after being apart from him for so long, or after they’d had kids together. It rocked him to the core, and he found himself reaching over for Rhett’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Rhett looked at him and held his hand tightly, too. He understood where Link’s mind was at, why he was so shaken by the story. They’d been apart for a year and a half, hardly seeing each other at all. The story hit too close to home, but at the same time, so far away from their own experience that they couldn’t fully process it. Instead, Mama Cheryl shook her head, dotted at her eyes with a napkin, and pasted on a soft smile.

“I’m glad you boys are back in town. I’m glad you made it safely.” She fished around in her apron, pulling out a key. “Here. It’s for your room. Why don’t you two get some rest, and take tomorrow to settle in? I’ll probably be piling on the work the day after that, so you two get unpacked and ready for it.”

Rhett nodded and took the key. “Thank you. And thanks for dinner. Night, Mama,” he said. She wished them good night and sweet dreams.

“Rhett!” Link exclaimed, walking the once-familiar route across the parking lot to the motel, “it’s  _ our _ room!” He wasn’t sure how he’d remembered the number after all this time, but for something that important in his memories, he understood calling it to the forefront in his mind now. And it was. It was the exact same room they’d stayed in years before. As Link unlocked it, let Rhett walk in first and drop their bags on the floor, Link flicked the light on and looked around. It was as if nothing had changed. In fact, nothing had. The bedding hadn’t been updated, the curtains were still the same. The room felt like one frozen in time, and Link wondered if she’d taken special care to make their room go back to, or stay, how it was when they’d been there, or if every room was caught in the same time warp, stuck in how it had been when they’d last been there.

“Gosh,” Rhett said. “That’s the same bed we… the same bed…” he stumbled the words out, climbing onto it and sitting cross-legged. He wouldn’t have imagined he’d grown  _ that _ much physically since the two years prior, but he had, and his lanky legs no longer moved in quite the same ways, but he made it. Link followed his actions, facing him and putting his hands out, palms up.

Rhett hovered his hands over Link’s, waiting, watching for Link to make the slightest twitch, and when Link moved to slap his hands, he pulled them away. “Ha, have to be faster,” Rhett said, but even saying that distracted him enough that he lost on the next try. He put his hands on the bottom then, and Link on the top, but after four attempts, he still hadn’t gotten Link’s hands. He remembered what happened between them like it was yesterday, so clear in a period of time that sometimes felt fuzzy to him. He lifted his fingers, tracing them along Link’s palms, and Link repeated that to him. Then he pulled Link forward, kissing him. Now, it didn’t feel quite the same, the butterflies and worry that Link would push him away not on his mind. Now, it was common and typical for them to kiss. But something about it still felt so strong to him, so intense, because they were still who they were. Grown, but still kids on a journey, two boys, two  _ men, _ who hadn’t yet achieved their dreams.

“It’s late,” Link finally said, yawning. Rhett agreed. It had been a long drive and they’d have a lot to do the next day to settle in, including doing their laundry from the drive. He curled into bed and wrapped his body around Link’s, draping an arm over him. In the dark, it was easy for his eyes to drift closed, but he was jolted by Link talking to him. “Why do you think she hasn’t changed anything?”

“It’s only been a couple of years,” Rhett said.

“But no new comforters or anything?” Link asked. “How often would you need to replace those with people sleeping on them all the time?”

“Probably less than you’d think, Link. Don’t worry, bo,” he said.

“But the lightbulbs,” he said. “Do you think she’s just getting tired?”

“She’s fine,” Rhett said, kissing Link’s neck. “I’m sure she’s just gotten busy. You know how it is.”

“Yeah, I guess. It kind of seems like–”

“Link, I love you. Go to sleep,” Rhett grumbled, and Link closed his eyes, keeping the rest of his thoughts to himself.


	15. Early June 1997

_ Early June 1997 _

The pounding at the door startled Link, and he grasped Rhett’s arm. The panicked look on Rhett’s face in the dark made it clear: he had the same thought as Link. The last time they’d been in a motel room and heard pounding on the door, it had been the police, ready to drag them back home to Buies Creek. Link’s heart was in his throat. If they answered it, they risked being dragged out, taken back home, and even though Rhett knew they were doing nothing wrong by being here, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go to the door at all. “Hey, police!” a voice called from outside. “Open up!” If he didn’t, Link was sure they’d bust the door down, and he was certain they had neighbors trying to sleep. A cursory glance at the clock said it was just past 2:30 in the morning. Link picked up the pace, walking toward the door to open it.

Gregg and Riley stood there, bags in hand. “Ha, you should see the look on your face right now,” Riley said.

“What the crap! That’s not funny!” Link said, giving Riley a small shove.

“Oh… oh… shoot, I, gosh, I forgot,” Riley said, his face suddenly serious. “We weren’t thinkin’, man. We just got here and were trying to be funny, you know?”

Link took a step back, letting them into the room, watching as Gregg and Riley both plopped their bags on the floor. “Wait, what  _ are _ you doing here?” This wasn’t either of their plans for the summer, outside of Gregg’s vague mention he might swing by at the end of it.

“My dad said he was good on staff and I asked if I could take the summer off from workin’ for him. He said it was cool and he’d be an intern reference for me, make up some stuff, so I said ‘laters’ and split,” Riley said.  _ Of course, _ Rhett thought, rolling his eyes a little since no one was looking at him. He had to work his butt off, and Riley’s dad was making things up for his resume. It must be nice being that rich, he thought, but he remembered that at home, he’d almost had that kind of financial stability. Not quite what Riley had, but enough that he wouldn’t be in this position right now if he’d stayed. But then, he wouldn’t be in Phoenix with Link, so he figured it was all how it needed to be.

Link turned his attention to Gregg, who was already flopped down in the hotel desk chair. “Hey, I’m just along for the ride. Y’all knew I was going to stay with Riley for a little bit before flyin’ home, but when he decided to come out here, I figured taking the drive with him beat flying. Anyway, surprise!” He smiled.

Rhett was tired and still stunned from the scare of thinking the police had been at their door, flashbacks to being ripped from Link, and he wasn’t in the mood for the surprise. Tomorrow, he could be happy that his best friends were here. Tonight, he just wanted to get back into bed and hold Link close and thank every star in the sky that no one was here to tear them away from each other. He felt like crying. “So do you have a room or what?” Rhett asked them, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Wow, grumpy tonight, I see how it is,” Riley said, laughing. “Nah, we, uh, we just asked where you were first, I guess. Anyway, I don’t want to bug the girl up front again. She looked tired.” Link glanced at Rhett, giving him a hard stare. Melody had promised, in the two weeks they’d been there, that if they had any trouble someone would be working the front desk at night, but that she would be in her room if anything went wrong. But Link had yet to see anyone there as he’d walked past to the ice machine, and Riley’s description of a tired girl only confirmed in his mind that no one else was working the front desk but Melody, even late at night. He couldn’t figure out why Mama Cheryl wouldn’t just hire someone else to work that shift, and he wondered if Melody herself had made the decision, but either way, Rhett would know what the look meant.  _ Something here is off. _

“So what’s your plan, then?” Rhett asked, still annoyed.

“Mind if we crash on your floor for the night, see if we can snag a room in the morning?” Gregg asked. “You two lovebirds obviously get the bed, but we can toss some blankets on the floor and roll up our clothes, no worries.”

Rhett sighed and grabbed the two extra pillows from the bed, the ones he and Link almost always found on the floor in the morning, and tossed it at his friends. “Fine. Tomorrow you get your own room, though,” he insisted.

“What, need some alone time with your boyfriend? You two already go all the way being down here?” Riley asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Rhett sighed. “It’s late. Let’s all just go to bed. Some of us actually have work in the morning,” he said, and he shifted to get back under the covers and turn the light off. Link’s soft snoring filled the room first, with everyone else’s breath stilling slightly after, getting to the heavy, sleepy state, but for a long time Rhett stared at the ceiling.

At 4:45, Link woke to Rhett thrashing the blankets in his sleep. “No! No, you can’t take him! No!” he screamed, his voice panicked despite the deep sleep he was clearly in. Gregg reached over his head flipping the light on.

“What the heck?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes, but Link was sure of what his words meant. He’d been drifting in and out of similar dreams.

“Shhh, Rhett, Rhett, baby, I’m right here,” Link said, shaking Rhett and putting a hand on his cheek, and Rhett’s eyes snapped open wide, terror all over his face. “I’m right here. Nobody’s taking anyone anywhere, okay? You’re okay. It’s a dream.” Rhett tried to focus and get a grip on reality, blinking his eyes and shaking his head. The events of the past few hours flooded back to him and he stood up, grabbing his pants from the dresser surface and stalking out of the motel door, outside. Just outside of the door, he tugged his pants on, trying to get some distance from the embarrassment he felt over his freakout.

“Nice, guys. Thanks. That police bit was super funny,” Link snapped, stalking out the door after Rhett as he tugged a sweatshirt on. It took him a couple of seconds to spot Rhett next to the truck, and when he did, he raced to him. Rhett was sobbing, shaking hard, hands covering his face, and Link wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know they didn’t mean it, but I get it. I was dreaming about the same things, Rhett, I know. Nobody’s ever going to take you away from me again, you understand that? Nobody will ever do that to us. I promise. We’re in this together forever, you know that. We’re adults. Nobody can make you go home this time.” Link kept talking, repeating reassurances to him again and again, holding him and rocking him until the tears slowed, then stopped.

“I know they didn’t mean it,” Rhett said, “but they both knew.”

“It’s easy to forget when it didn’t happen to you,” Link said. He knew they’d just been goofing off, hyped up after a long drive that had them arriving late at night. He knew no one meant any harm by it, but it didn’t make it any easier to get through. The pain and trauma of the past was still raw to them, the thought of not having each other still fresh, and it was worse for Rhett. Without Link, he had no one left. He’d already given up his family, and the thought of anyone pulling them apart was the most horrifying thing he could imagine. Link’s words helped, though, and eventually Link was able to coax him back to the room. Riley and Gregg both muttered apologies, but Link gave them a small wave to encourage them to shut up and let Rhett sleep. Link held him tightly, tighter than usual, and refused to loosen his grip until he was sure Rhett was asleep again. When he did finally let go a little bit, not fully, but enough that he wasn’t afraid he might squeeze Rhett to bits, Rhett grasped Link’s arm, making sure he didn’t get too far away.

Link woke early the next morning, and when he did, he saw Rhett soundly asleep for the first time in hours. Rhett had tossed all night long. He tugged on clothes and stepped over his sleeping friends carefully, then walked across the driveway. The gravel crunched under his feet until he got close to the diner, letting the door swing open and the bell ring. The usual morning crowd was there, the low din of voices and clanking of silverware against plates. Link saw Mama Cheryl busy and buzzing out of the corner of her eye. He waved her over, but she gestured for him to follow. “I don’t have time to stop, Link. You gotta keep up, sweetie.”

Link followed obediently, taking plates from the window and following her with them. “Rhett might be a little bit late to work today,” he said. “I’ll work twice as hard and work late if I need to, but I wanted to let you know so he didn’t leave you hanging.”

At that, she stopped and turned around, causing Link to nearly run into her with the plates in his hands. “What’s wrong with Rhett?” she asked. It seemed like she thought something was  _ seriously _ wrong, because Rhett was always a hard worker for her.

“He didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, bad dreams and all that,” Link explained. “Some friends surprised us here and we didn’t expect them – don’t worry, they said they’re going to pay for a room. They just didn’t want to wake Melody up again – but they, uh, the kind of scared him with their surprise a little bit.”

“What do you mean your friends scared him?” Mama Cheryl asked, placing plates on the table. “I’ll fetch a carafe of juice for you,” she said, clearly indicating to the table that she couldn’t keep coming back for refills in this overwhelming moment. Hustling back to the kitchen, Link followed and tried to explain.

“They were just joking around, Mama,” he explained. “They knocked on the door and acted like they were the police, and I know they meant it to be funny, but, uh–”

“But it made him worry,” she finished for him. “Okay. Give me just a minute and I’ll pack up your food, but then I want to meet these friends of yours when everyone wakes up. Tell Rhett to get some rest, and we’ll figure out the rooms. We don’t have a lot of guests today, so you may have to double-up tomorrow. I can’t pay your friends, too, not without planning on hiring more staff. They know that, right?”

Link nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure they know. They’re okay. I don’t think they came to work, just to visit for a couple of days,” he said.

“Okay, well, maybe you need to tell them they owe you for giving you two such a rough night, make them help you out on the extra rooms tomorrow. Come on, I’ll grab enough food for the four of you,” she said, heading into the kitchen, and as she exited with the carafe for the waiting table, she looked over her shoulder to Link. “I already don’t like them.” He couldn’t tell if she was serious or joking.

He got back to the room, four styrofoam containers in hand packed with food. She’d given them as many leftovers as she could stuff in the boxes, and instead of each of the four boxes being a box for each of them, the box contained a separate kind of food for them to divide up. One box was packed tightly with scrambled eggs, as many as she could squeeze in that were about to go in the trash. The other was chicken to top their chicken and waffles, sans the waffles since those weren’t pre-made. Bacon and sausage filled the other, likely more than four boys could eat, but she knew they’d be hungry. Link wasn’t sure what the last held. He hadn’t seen her fill it, but assumed it was biscuits and rolls. He kicked the door with his foot, unable to open it for the boxes in his hand, which he used his chin to hold firmly into place. There was no answer on the other side, just more kicking from Link, until finally Gregg opened the door. “What the heck, man? He’s been freaking out!”

Riley was sitting next to Rhett, rubbing a hand on his back. “See? He’s here. It’s fine.”

“What happened?” Link said, putting the boxes down and racing to Rhett’s other side. “What’s going on?”

“He woke up and you were gone, and we told him that your truck was still out there and that you probably just ran next door, but he said he couldn’t breathe and he’s been sitting here ever since,” Riley explained. There were tear-streaks on his face, and Link knew this wasn’t something Rhett would let Riley or Gregg see if he had any control over his emotions right then. He didn’t though, and Link wrapped his arms around Rhett.

“Come here. Come with me, okay, come on,” Link said, pulling Rhett to his feet and guiding him to the bathroom. “You guys go ahead and get started on the food. Save some for us, okay?” he said over his shoulder, nodding at the containers behind him. “Come on, Rhett,” he said again, walking with him to the bathroom. Rhett was shaking still. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m not ever goin’ anywhere without you. I just went to get us some food, okay? Mama Cheryl said we can do the rooms tomorrow, that we can have the day off today if we take care of the extra work then, okay? It’s okay,” Link said, using smooth, reassuring tones the entire time. Rhett’s anxiety seemed to overwhelm him, his panic and fear worse than Link had ever seen it before. Even in the moments when things were the worst on their previous journey and in the first year of school, Rhett had been fine. There were moments he’d stress, but nothing had been like this. “How about you take a shower? That’ll make you feel better,” he said.

Rhett still hadn’t really talked, instead clinging to Link for dear life. “I’m going to take your clothes off, now, okay?” Link asked, turning on the water in the shower to something warm. He’d worry about adjusting the temperature later, but for now, he didn’t want it to be freezing cold when Rhett stepped inside. Link pulled Rhett’s shirt over his head, waiting as Rhett lifted his arms and lowered them back down. His fingertips hooked into Rhett’s boxers, but Rhett leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Link again.

“Please don’t go anywhere, please don’t leave,” Rhett said in a broken voice.

“I’m not leaving, Rhett. Okay? I’m here.”

“What if someone takes you away? What if something happens like what happened to Melody? I’m scared,” he choked out.

“I’m right here. I can’t promise nothing will ever happen to me, but as long as I’ve got control over it, I’m here. Forever, remember?” Link asked him.

“Forever,” Rhett said, his voice cracking. Link slid the boxers down and off of Rhett, then adjusted the temperature until it was perfect.

“Okay, it’s good. Get in,” Link suggested.

“I know, um… I know it’s dumb and you probably want to go eat,” Rhett said, starting to compose himself, but Link finished the sentence for him.

“I’ll stay in here until you’re done.” Link closed the lid on the toilet, sitting on the surface and waiting. Every once in a while, Rhett would say something, and Link would respond, letting him know he was still there. Link waited, listening and staying there, until the shower water turned off. He passed a towel through the curtain. “Can I go get you some clean clothes or do you want me to wait in here?”

“You’re coming right back?” Rhett needed the reassurance, regardless of the fact that Link was only stepping into the room, grabbing his clothing, and stepping right back out. While Link hoped this would fade fast, that Rhett would be able to cope once 12, 24, 48 hours had passed, he wondered if this was about to become their new normal. He’d never seen Rhett cling to him like this, not even when they were apart. Something about this felt different, scary, and Link wasn’t really sure how to reassure Rhett that he wasn’t going anywhere. Words weren’t enough right now.

Link grabbed the clothes, and before heading back in, Riley looked at him, concerned. “He okay in there?”

“I think so,” Link said. “Just still a little shaken from overnight.”

“I’m sorry, seriously, I completely forgot and didn’t realize that–”

“I know,” Link said. No one had meant for it to happen, but now that it had, all he could do was get Rhett through it.

After everyone had eaten, including the always-hungry Rhett who today only took a few bites, Riley and Gregg agreed it was best if they properly got a room. Melody was manning the front desk, and Link noticed her yawning, the bags under her eyes clear, and he wondered how many hours she was putting in. Harmony was on the floor behind the desk, playing with blocks.

“She’s cute,” Riley said, nodding to Harmony. He made a few funny faces at her, causing her to smile, and then turned his focus back on Melody. “Sorry if we were too loud last night.”

Link resisted the urge to roll his eyes and tell Riley to catch the drool practically falling out of his mouth. He’d seen that look before, seen the way Riley was staring at Melody, and he shook his head.  _ At least they’ll only be here for a few days, _ Link figured, not long enough for Riley to get with Melody and then break her heart like he so often did. She looked up sleepily from the registration. “No, it’s not you,” she said. “You know how it– well, I guess you probably don’t, but uh, it’s fine. I didn’t hear you.”

Riley smiled and nodded, a “good, good,” that was just barely audible to Link causing him to roll his eyes again.  _ Smooth. _ She looked back up at them. “So I’m assuming you’ll need a one-bed room?” There was no judgment in her tone, just a statement of facts, like she assumed if they were here with Rhett and Link, then they must be similar to them in other ways, too.

“No!” Gregg squeaked, then returned to his normal pitch. “I, uh, no, I mean if you’ve got a, uh… like, two, um, two beds,” he stammered. Melody glanced between Gregg and Riley, as if waiting for Riley to speak up and confirm that they weren’t together. For a moment, Link wondered if she thought that Gregg worried this wasn’t an accepting place to stay, but then Riley started to lean in to the desk.

“Two beds would be great. We’re not together. We’re here together, I mean, but… just friends,” he clarified. With his tone of voice, Link could picture the wink he knew Riley gave there, even if he couldn’t see Riley’s face from the angle he was at. He cringed for Riley. Melody was a good three years older than Riley, and she had a child. He could put forth all the game he wanted, but that didn’t mean he even remotely had a chance.

As they walked away from the desk, Link resisted the urge to crack up at Rhett seeming to have the same thoughts as him. “You know she’s like, three or four years older than you,” he hissed quietly as they walked away.

“I know.”

“You know the cute kid behind the desk is hers, right?” Link added.

“I know.”

No amount of convincing him was going to change anything. Before Riley left town, Rhett was certain of one thing and one thing only: he was going to absolutely make an absolute fool of himself in front of Melody. At this stage, there was no talking him out of it.


	16. Late June 1997

_ Late June 1997 _

Riley and Gregg still didn’t get it. They had zero clue why Rhett and Link couldn’t hang out every afternoon. Link was honestly surprised they were still there. He’d expected both of them to go home weeks before, but Riley was paying for the room a week at a time, sticking around and eating at the diner. On days when they were lucky, Mama Cheryl would give them free food like she did with Rhett and Link.

She didn’t actively dislike them now. Whether or not they paid, Riley left decent tips, and they were both polite every time they came in, so each day chiseled away at the annoyance she had for spurring Rhett’s anxiety. That wasn’t entirely gone, either, and Link still had to let Rhett know where he was going if he left the room, even if Rhett was asleep, just to make sure he didn’t wake to an empty room. Either one of them would go do laundry or refill their ice bucket while the other slept or napped, but now, that wasn’t an option. Either they both went, or Link let Rhett know every time.

He was getting better, they were getting better, but he still had a nightmare or two a week, a fear that someone or something would pull Link away from him.

“So we’re going to go bowling today,” Riley said. “You coming?”

“Have to work,” Rhett shrugged, answering the same as he had a few days a week for the past couple of weeks now.

“You don’t think she’d give you an afternoon off?” Gregg asked. “You know, rush through your work, come with us, that sort of thing?”

“Guys, seriously, go and have fun. We’ll come next time,” Link encouraged. “We’re not going to rush the work, and we’re not going to make y’all wait.”

Gregg rolled his eyes, but unfortunately, this time Rhett caught it. “Seriously, do you not get it, Gregg? I have to work. If I don’t work, I don’t go back to school and I don’t get my degree,” Rhett snapped. “So, tell me, would it be worth it to you? Playing a game or two of bowling with your friends so you can do jack shit with the rest of your life because you couldn’t commit to a job for a summer?” He’d been going off a little more than usual, sleep-deprived and worried. They were making decent money, hardly spending anything, but it still seemed like they could potentially come up short for the school year. Link had a plan, a way to bridge the gap between what they had and what they needed, a plan that involved begging his grandparents. But Rhett still worried.

“No, I got it, sorry,” Gregg said, raising his hands in front of him defensively. “Later, guys,” he said, shoving himself out of the booth they’d been at and stalking back to his room.

“He’ll get over it,” Riley said. “You need some help, Rhett? I can ask my dad–”

“No,” Rhett interrupted. “I’m working on it.”

Link shook his head gently, almost imperceptibly. It wasn’t Riley’s fault. Really, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Rhett didn’t feel okay with accepting charity, outside of the help Mama Cheryl gave them. “You guys have fun today. Want to hang out, maybe play some poker tonight?” he asked, and Riley nodded.

“We could always go bowling tonight. Bowling during the day is lame. You think Mel would come with us?” he asked.

“I think  _ Melody _ would probably not be able to find a sitter last-minute,” Link reminded him. “And besides, I don’t think anyone else is working that front desk but her.”

Riley sighed heavily. “Was worth a shot,” he griped.

“Fine, ask her,” Link shrugged. “Just don’t complain when she shoots you down.” He chuckled and kept rubbing his hand on Rhett’s back. Rhett had checked out of the conversation, focusing on the eggs on his plate over anything else happening. Riley nodded, picking up the plates and taking them to the washroom. After watching Rhett do it after every meal, he’d started doing it to help, and Mama Cheryl hadn’t said anything about it. In her mind, it seemed to be one way that he earned the free meals she gave them once in a while. She couldn’t hire them, but that worked like a decent trade-off at least.

“You ready to work?” Link asked, turning his attention to Rhett. Rhett nodded and scooted out of the booth.

“Sorry I’m such a crab,” he muttered.

“Shhh, no, you’re doing fine,” Link said. He missed the Rhett he’d had before, the one who seemed unphased by so much. This Rhett worried him. Not scared him, not like there was a problem there between them, but worried him, like there was a chance he might not snap out of this anytime soon.

Work went quickly. They’d fallen back into their routine, gotten re-practiced at making beds and scrubbing toilets, whipping through the work without a second thought. For the most part, they worked in silence. They talked to each other a lot, and doing it when they could be getting work done quickly seemed silly. By mid-afternoon, they’d finished the work, washed the linens, and slumped back to their room. Rhett’s lack of sleep left him napping after work a lot more often, usually with Link by his side. Link felt guilty. Their friends had driven across the country to hang out with them, and they were spending less time with them than ever. Right now, though, his main focus was on Rhett, not on what his friends were doing or what they needed. They seemed to be doing just fine as it was.

Rhett laid there and stared at the ceiling, and Link caught onto his restlessness quickly. He kissed Rhett and laid his head on his shoulder, then rolled over halfway onto Rhett. He kissed him again, and Rhett kissed him back, smiling softly. Link could tell he was still in his head. “I have an idea of what might help,” Link teased, rocking his pelvis against Rhett’s hip and trailing his hand down to Rhett’s crotch.

“Maybe later,” Rhett said, his smile now sad. He couldn’t read the expression on Link’s face. Hurt? Rejection? Worry? It didn’t matter. He felt horrible. “Are we okay?”

“I’m worried about you,” Link said. “I worry about you being in your head all the time. I worry that this is the longest we’ve gone without messing around at all. I worry that you’re not happy here.”

“So we’re not okay?” Rhett asked, his eyes welling with tears.

“We’re going to get through this, Rhett,” Link said. “I mean, no, things aren’t okay. This isn’t okay. Not the, like… not messing around stuff. It’s fine if you don’t want to. That’s not what I mean. I mean in general, things aren’t okay. But I think they will be. I’m not worried about it, and I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“I  _ am _ worried about it,” Rhett confessed.

“Worried about what?”

“Worried I’m going to push you away by being all mopey all the time. Worried I’m going to keep having bad dreams like I’ve been having…”

“Hey. How long did I promise you I was sticking around for? Forever, right?” Link asked. “Me being worried doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. “But if you keep worrying that you’re going to push me away or that I’m going to bolt, your nightmares  _ aren’t _ going to get better.”

Rhett nodded.

“How about this? Let’s get dressed. Let’s track down the guys. Let’s go bowling. We’ll figure out the rest later.”

“Okay.”

Perhaps Link was oversimplifying things, but in his mind, the best start to making Rhett better was to get his mind off of what was happening for the night, if nothing else.

It was harder than they’d anticipated to find Gregg and Riley. They weren’t in their room at all, no matter how long Rhett knocked at the door. A quick peek in the diner said they weren’t there, either. Finally, Link poked his head into the lobby and saw Riley there, Harmony on his hip. “–if you wanted to go bowling with us,” Riley said, and Link filled in the parts of the sentence he’d missed.

“I… I’d like to,” she said, but she glanced at Harmony, still perched on Riley’s hip with a wide smile. “I just don’t think I can.”

“We can take her with us,” Riley said, and Link shot him a puzzled glance now that he was within sight range. Was Riley actually offering to take Harmony with them? He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Riley even interact with a child, and now he was holding one, making faces, and suggesting she come bowling. Link would have questioned if Riley had ever been to a bowling alley and seen how not fun it would be for a child that young, but they’d gone bowling  _ together. _ Riley had it bad for Melody, clearly, to the point he wasn’t even thinking properly.

“Hold on,” Melody told him, and Riley nodded, turning his attention to Harmony as Melody picked up the phone and tapped in a few numbers. Riley lifted Harmony gently over his head, then lowered her back down, speaking baby talk to her. Link stepped closer to him.

“What are you doing?”

“Playing with Harmie here,” he said.

“Harmie?” Link asked. First Mel, now Harmie. Link shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s my name for Harmony. Obviously. Doesn’t she totally look like a Harmie?” Riley said, giving Harmony an eskimo kiss.

“Are you drunk?” Link asked him, confused by whatever seemed to be going on with Riley. He’d seen him have it bad for a girl before, but he’d never seen Riley like  _ this _ before, and it was overwhelming. Melody continued talking into the phone quietly, but Link wasn’t paying attention to what she said, instead watching as Riley sat Harmony on the floor, sticking by her side as she toddled around.

“Not drunk,” Riley insisted. “She’s actually really cute. Harmony, I mean. Both of them.”

“How much time are you spending down here?” Link pressed. “Are you bugging Melody all the time or–”

“More time than you’re spending down here,” Riley said. “Enough time to know she’s stretched thin and needs a break sometimes. Enough to know that she deserves to go bowling, and I’d even offer to  _ not _ go if it meant she would get to. Enough to know she’s literally working every shift at the motel. I know you love Mama Cheryl, and I know Mel’s not complaining, but have you even asked why there’s no one else manning the front desk here? Or why Mel has to basically run around like a chicken with her head cut off doing everything because including you two, who are gone at the end of summer, only six people work in this entire place?”

Riley barely took a breath in his entire hushed tirade, but the whole time, he kept his eyes on Harmony, making sure she stayed close to him. If Link was being honest, he hadn’t noticed. He’d spent the last two weeks working through Rhett’s anxiety with him, and though he stopped and said hey to Melody a few times a day, he hadn’t really asked how she was doing,  _ really _ doing, beyond quick pleasantries.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that y’all were friends,” Link said. “I should have asked how she was doing.”

“She’s been through hell and back, Link. I just wish more people realized how strong she is instead of throwing more at her. Anyway, I’m going to go talk to her.” He nodded toward the front desk and took Harmony’s hand, guiding her back toward her mother, who was now off the phone. Link leaned against the wall.

“What was that about?” Rhett asked, hooking his pinky with Link’s.

“The fact that we suck as friends,” Link said. “Did you know Melody’s the only one working the desk? All the time?”

“No,” Rhett said.

“Did you know Riley spends a lot of time down here with her and even has a nickname for her kid?”

“No,” he admitted.

“Yeah. I didn’t, either,” Link said. “We kind of suck. They came out here and we’ve basically ignored them. Where’s Gregg anyway?” It hit Link that he hadn’t seen him at all, just Riley.

“I don’t know,” Rhett admitted. He shoved off of the wall he’d been leaned against and walked over to Riley to ask. Link followed right behind.

“She said she’d watch her and handle the desk for a couple of hours, but I really need to be back by nine since she’s got to be up so early,” Melody said, and Riley beamed.

“Good. I’m really glad.” He lifted Harmony up again and sat her on the front desk. “I promise I’ll take really good care of your mommy and bring her home in one piece,” he baby talked to her. “Do you want me to take her to your room for a while so you can get everything sorted out for tonight?”

Melody agreed and thanked him before Rhett could even attempt to ask where Gregg was, but his head was spinning over how much had changed in the two weeks he’d been in a fog. How had he not seen any of this changing, any of them getting closer? He wasn’t sure. What he was sure of was this: he wasn’t about to let himself stay in the fog, blind to everything happening in his life. Rhett knew it wouldn’t be easy, and he only had a say in so much of what his anxiety did to him, but if he could help it, he was going to dig himself back out of his hole and be more present with his friends. “Riley, wait! Where’s Gregg?” Rhett called, catching up to him.

“Oh. He took the car to go do some laundry. You want to meet out here at six? We’ll head over to the alley after that?”

Rhett agreed and looked at his watch. That left them with two hours of free time before they needed to get ready. “Hey, Link,” Rhett said, wrapping his arm around Link’s waist, “I think I’m ready to make good on your afternoon idea now.”

* * *

The bowling alley was packed when they got there, but there wasn’t a long wait for the lane they needed. Rhett and Link had already grabbed their sodas, tapping everyone’s name into the scoreboard screen while they grabbed beers. They’d piled into Riley’s car, all five of them, and with Rhett offering to drive home, Riley and Gregg were ready to make good use of their fake IDs. Melody was well old enough to legally buy alcohol.

She plopped her purse on the table, placing her beer next to it. “Oh, good, you’ve got me going first,” she smiled. “That’ll be good. Then I can show you all how it’s done and scare you off of my bowling game from the get-go.” It was the most non-work-related words Link had heard her say since they’d gotten back to Phoenix. Link instantly felt bad again for barely talking to her lately.

“Aw, man, I’m shakin’ in my boots,” he teased back. He couldn’t fix the fact that he’d been less-than-great to his friends lately, but he could start building the bridges back now with a little effort.

“You should be scared,” she laughed, sitting down in the empty chair.

“Well, show us what you’ve got, then,” Riley said, walking up to the table. Link could see the look on his face as she walked toward the lane, bent over, and bowled.

“Jeez, Riles, show some respect, man,” Link hissed under his breath.

“Just enjoying the view. Sue me,” Riley chuckled. Link rolled his eyes. He knew Riley had been helping Melody out, but he couldn’t imagine she’d let him do that anymore if she could see the way he was ogling her now. Riley had been raised in the south, Link figured, raised enough to know how to be a gentleman, and he was clearly choosing not to be.

But as Melody waited for her ball to come back through the machine, she perched herself on Riley’s lap. “I’m too lazy to walk back to my chair. Deal with it,” she giggled. Riley rested his hand on her back, supporting her to keep her from falling off of his legs. When her ball came up, she stood again, bowling a spare. Riley stood up as the last pin fell, and she turned, leaning into his arms as he twirled her around and set her back down.

“That’s my girl,” he said, and she nuzzled into his neck. Link struggled to wait until it was Riley’s turn to grill her on what was happening, but it felt like Rhett and Gregg’s turns, and his own, took forever.

When Riley did go up and bowl, Link glanced toward him, then nudged Melody. “When did  _ that _ happen?” he asked.

“You know, not long ago. He’s a really good guy,” she said.

“Yeah, but… you know he’s leaving at the end of the summer, right?”

“I know,” Melody answered. “I’m trying not to think too hard about it.”

“So is that why he’s been sticking around?” Rhett leaned over and asked, and it came out harsher than he intended to be. Before he could scale it back, rephrase it, she was already answering.

“No. He’s here for you guys. I think I might be an extra perk, though,” she smiled. “It’s just something that happened, guys. I don’t know what to tell you.” But just like that, Riley was back from his turn, sitting down on her lap as she jokingly pushed him off. “No way, buddy. You’ll break my legs. You’ve got that tough guy build.” The smile on Riley’s face was wide, the happiest Link had seen him, and for a puppy dog guy like Riley, that was saying a lot. Their chemistry was palpable, and in a pair Link never would have thought to put together, there seemed to be genuine feelings.

Rhett waited, though, until Melody was bowling again to lean toward Riley. “What are you doing?” he asked her.

“What do you mean? Like… with her?” Riley asked.

“Yeah. What’s the deal there. You know she has a kid, right? This isn’t the same sort of love-her-and-leave-her stuff like you do back home. That’s not really fair to her,” Rhett said. He wasn’t positive why he felt that determined to defend Melody’s honor, first because he’d been so clueless to not see them getting closer before now and second, because it seemed completely mutual. But Rhett had seen this again and again, Riley getting close to a girl, then breaking her heart.

“For one, Rhett, she’s a big girl. She’s not like the girls I dated in high school or hooked up with back at school, you know? She knows what she’s getting into, dating someone who is leaving at the end of summer. If that’s what you’re getting at, chill.”

“Riley, you… you have to be fair to her, okay?” Link said, but he got quieter when Melody approached. “Where’s Gregg, anyway?” He changed the subject, looking around.

“Went to take a leak, I think,” Riley answered, and they waited for a few minutes, chatting and picking apart a plate of nachos. “Okay, this is ridiculous. We have to have Mel home before she turns into a pumpkin. I’m taking his turn,” Riley said, hopping up and bowling for Gregg.

“So what’s the plan with you two, then?” Link asked, watching as Riley was up bowling Gregg’s round.

“I don’t know yet,” Melody said, practically snapping at Link. “Listen, I’m not sure what I’ll do when he leaves, or what this is, or if it’s going anywhere, or if it’s just something fun this summer. All I know is he’s the first person I’ve–” she choked up “–the first… you know what? You know how you just knew that things felt nice when you two finally got together? How we could all see that you two were happier and more relaxed after that? Or maybe you don’t know that, but the thing is, when things finally felt normal between you two after Thanksgiving, and we could tell you were both happy together, it was this huge shift. We were all really relieved for you, even if we didn’t tell you.”

“Really?” Link asked.

“Yeah. And this is kind of like that for me. A sense of relief. It’s just this has an expiration date that I’m trying hard not to think about.”

“Okay,” Link nodded. But then it was his turn, and he couldn’t ask her anything else about it. By Gregg’s next turn, he still wasn’t back.

“I’m going to go find him,” Rhett said. “Gotta make sure he’s okay.” He headed toward the bathrooms, rounding a corner quickly and running directly into a pair of people making out. “Oh, gosh, sorry,” he said to the stranger, a man from the group bowling beside them, he thought. He turned to apologize again to the other man. “Gregg?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this fic will be on Hiatus until April 28, 2019.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to maybe-mythical, fanbabble, mythical-trash, thefrenchmaidoutfit, rhinkipoo, and clemwasjustagirl for their help with this story, and for their passion for the one that came before it.


End file.
